


When Ice Was Warm: Extras and Drabbles

by Honey_Cha



Series: When Ice Was Warm [2]
Category: VIXX
Genre: Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Fluff, M/M, Mpreg, Romance, because i can't help myself, some smut, with a dash of angst
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-13
Updated: 2019-10-30
Packaged: 2020-03-02 19:57:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 44,089
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18817924
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Honey_Cha/pseuds/Honey_Cha
Summary: A compilation of extra chapters and side stories to go with the original story. Mostly Neo, but the other pairings will get some chapters too <3





	1. My Rose (Kenvi Origin Story)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone! I’ve been having fun writing in this AU again, so I hope you have fun with these extra chapters! That dash of angst I mentioned is gonna appear in this first chapter…>.> (whoops). But there will be fluff later on. Hope you still enjoy!  
> TW for brief mentions of abuse.

Hakyeon gave a content sigh as he flopped down on the couch, taking the drink Jaewhan handed him. The other omega sat beside him, and clinked his glass against Hakyeon’s. They were at Wonshik and Jaewhan’s house, the one they’d moved into together after getting married. After all the success of Jaehwan and Wonshik’s performance at their expo over a year ago, Wonshik’s career had taken off. He became a famous rapper, particularly loved by omegas and a number of betas for his lyrics. Most alpha rappers talked about omegas like toys to fuck and smack around in their songs, but Wonshik’s lyrics were respectful and positive, and when he dissed someone in a song it tended to be the knothead alphas their movement was working against. As a result he’d become one of the most popular musicians among a good portion of the population, and was making more than enough to finally appease Jaehwan’s stubborn parents.

So, Jaehwan and Wonshik had gotten married a few months ago, and had been living happily ever since. Hakyeon had only been to their new house once, for a housewarming party, and there had been a lot of people present then. He and Jaewhan had decided it was time to hang out with just the two of them, so they’d arranged a night for themselves. Wonshik was out with Taekwoon, meaning that they got the whole house to themselves.

“This is such a nice place,” Hakyeon said, looking around again. Jaehwan nodded proudly, taking a sip of the fruity drink he’d prepared for both of them.

“Right? My favorite part is the yard. I’ve got a whole garden back there!”

“I remember,” Hakyeon agreed, sipping his drink as well. “I want one of those. Don’t get me wrong, our apartment is nice, but I’m gonna make us move to a house with a nice yard eventually.”

“Maybe when you’re ready to…expand?” Jaewhan teased, poking Hakyeon’s belly. Hakyeon giggled, pushing his hand away.

“Yeah, probably then. I’d want my kids to have a yard to play in.”

“When do you think you and Taekwoon are gonna be ready?” Jaehwan asked. Hakyeon shrugged.

“I don’t know yet. We’ve both got a lot to sort out with our careers first. I think we want to be a little more stable first, but we’ll get there eventually. What about you? I never asked if you even wanted kids.”

“I want them,” Jaewhan agreed, nodding thoughtfully. “I think we’re gonna wait too though, at least for a little while. I _finally_ got to marry Wonshik after like, years. I’m gonna enjoy just being mated for a while.” Hakyeon laughed.

“I feel that. I’m guessing you’re enjoying it a lot?” he asked, raising an eyebrow. Jaehwan waggled his own eyebrows, a mischievous smile quirking his lips.

“Oh, I’m enjoying it _quite_ a bit. We used to have to be so careful about sneaking around—like, I had to hide my face when I went to his apartment and everything. Now I can have sex with him any time I want! Anywhere! We did it in the kitchen the other day just because we could.” Jaehwan sounded so excited. Hakyeon laughed again.

“You know, I think the kitchen is the one room Taek and I _haven’t_ done it in. I’m gonna have to change that.”

“Yes you are,” Jaehwan agreed, clinking their glasses again. “Gotta christen every room, right?” Hakyeon chuckled.

“Right.” He scooted closer to Jaewhan so they could cuddle. Cuddling Taekwoon was more than satisfying most of the time, but now and then some deep-rooted instinct made him crave the touch of another omega. It was a platonic feeling for him, but still an intimate one, like hugging your best friend (which Jaehwan of course was).

“Ahh, I needed some omega time,” Jaehwan said with a content sigh as he snuggled against Hakyeon. The two sat in comfortable silence for a few minutes before something caught Hakyeon’s eye. It was a cylindrical glass case on the mantlepiece, with a beautiful dried rose inside of it. It looked like the petals had once been a deep crimson, and had turned to a darker shade of red when the flower dried.

“Is that the rose Wonshik gave you when you first met?” Hakyeon guessed, pointing to the flower. Jaehwan nodded.

“I kept it all these years. Romantic, huh?” he asked proudly.

“Very,” Hakyeon agreed, tipping his head as something occurred to him. “Hey, will you tell me the story of how you two met? I know you told me once, but it was pretty brief. All I remember is that you went to a club, saw him perform, he gave you a rose, and like…that was that? But you don’t strike me as the kind of person to fall that easily. Is that really how it went down?” Jaehwan sipped his drink again, and when he lowered it, there was a small smile on his lips.

“To be honest, that’s not the whole story,” he admitted. “I didn’t know you as well back then, and Taek has heard it already, so I just gave you the short version. But hey, we’re close enough now. I should give you the whole story.” Jaehwan’s eyes were bright with memories. Hakyeon sat up a bit, intrigued.

“Oh? Do tell, then,” he said. Jaehwan took one more sip, glanced at the rose on the mantelpiece, and launched into his story.

 

 

……………………..

 

 

Jaehwan sighed as his cousin, Jin, fussed over his outfit.

“Jae, you can’t wear that shirt,” Jin insisted.

“Why not?” Jaehwan asked with a pout. He thought the top, sheer black with a solid black camisole underneath, looked quite nice. “It’s sexy.”

“And that’s exactly the problem,” Jin insisted. “Look, I’m gonna have a hard enough time keeping alphas away from you already. You want to make my job even more difficult?” Jaehwan folded his arms.

“That’s stupid. I should be able to wear whatever I want. It’s my body.”

“Try telling that to alphas in a club,” Jin said seriously. Jaehwan took in his look, and sighed. He knew Jin wasn’t saying all this to be judgmental, or blame Jaehwan for how he dressed. He was saying it because many alphas _would_ take Jaehwan’s outfit as an invitation, and if he got hurt, he’d be blamed for it for showing skin. He hated how unfair it was, but maybe Jin had a point this time. Maybe a club he’d never been to wasn’t the place to show off how good he looked in sheer clothing. Jin was only a beta, and he’d only be able to do so much if too many alphas got too rowdy.

“You know, if it weren’t for alphas being so damn entitled, I’d wear nothing but lingerie all the time,” Jaehwan grumbled as he began to take off the top. Jin patted him.

“I know you would. And you’d rock it,” he assured him. Jaehwan shot him a grateful look. At least Jin was taking him out. His cousin was visiting for the weekend, along with his parents. Jin and Jaehwan had been best friends when they were little, but after Jaehwan presented as an omega, his parents had started separating him from the rest of the family. The rest of his cousins, betas and alphas, got to play together when they came to visit, while Jaehwan had to spend all his time serving tea to the adults, cleaning up after them, keeping quiet and staying out of the way, not speaking unless spoken to…from the day his scent changed, it was like all the fun was sucked right out of his life. Jaehwan’s parents liked to roll their eyes and tell him off when he called himself the “family servant,” but he sure felt like it.

After presenting, his parents had sent him to an omega-only school, where the subjects they learned were all about housekeeping and childcare, and little about actual academics. They drove him to school every day, and picked him up as soon as it ended to make sure he didn’t go wandering. He wasn’t allowed to leave the house anymore. Aside from going to school, and occasional trips to the store or somewhere else boring with his parents, he hadn’t been out of the house in years. Jin saw all this, each time he visited, and Jaewhan knew his cousin felt sorry for him. Jaehwan was miserable, anyone could see it.

As he always did when they had guests, that night at dinner Jaehwan had stood beside the dining table with his hands folded, quiet and in the background, only stepping forward when someone needed their glass refilled, or another serving on their plate. After dinner the rest of the family had retired to the living room to relax and talk, while Jaehwan cleaned up the table himself, did the dishes, and finally sat down to eat by himself in the kitchen. There was hardly any food left, so he took what he could, and decided he’d fill his still-empty belly later with some of the secret snacks he kept in his room.

Jaehwan had just finished cleaning up his own plate when Jin walked into the kitchen. Jaehwan glanced at him, repressing a sigh as he wiped his hands on a towel. Assuming his cousin had come to look for more food, Jaehwan asked him what he’d like. Jin just gave him a sad look.

“You look awful, Jae,” he’d said instead. Jaehwan had just blinked, raising hands to his face involuntarily. His parents wouldn’t let him wear makeup (evidently he was only supposed to wear it for his mate, so until they found him one it was off-limits). But he’d started sneaking concealer, and using it to cover the perpetual dark circles under his eyes. He wondered now if it had somehow come off, and Jin could see the heavy bags, evidence of how little he ever got to rest.

“Thanks,” Jaehwan said, raising an eyebrow. “That’s exactly what an omega wants to hear.” Jin just shook his head.

“I’m not talking about your face,” the beta said, approaching him. “I just mean…you look miserable, Jae. You look like someone sucked your soul right out of your body, like…like you’re a shell.” Jaehwan stared at his cousin, struck by how deeply those words cut. Not because they were hurtful, but because…they were true. Jin had just described exactly how Jaehwan felt, every day. To his own surprise, Jaehwan’s lip trembled, and suddenly his eyes were stinging. Jin made a soft, worried noise, and hurried to his side. He put a hand on Jaehwan’s shoulder, even as the omega swiped at his eyes.

“Sorry,” he murmured. It was improper for an omega to throw a fit in front of guests, though at least he might get a pass since he was expected to be emotional. Jin just rubbed his back comfortingly. Jaehwan thought he must be the first person in a long time to offer him comfort.

“Hey,” Jin said after a moment. “Let’s go out tonight. Just you and me.” Jaehwan just sighed.

“You know I’m not allowed to go out,” he muttered. He’d managed to stop the half-formed tears, and now he felt that familiar resigned emptiness creeping back in. But Jin just shrugged and smiled.

“So? I said you and me. No one else has to know,” he replied. Jaehwan’s head snapped up, looking at the beta incredulously.

“I…can’t do that,” he stammered. “My parents will have a fit! They’ll put a padlock on my room and never let me out! They’ll hit me, they’ll—they’ll give me to some nasty old alpha and I’ll never—“

“Jae, Jae! Calm down,” Jin said, grabbing his face between his hands. Jaehwan cut himself off, and following Jin’s lead, took a few deep breaths. He wondered for a moment why he’d gotten so worked up at the mere suggestion of going out—maybe it was because he wanted so desperately to do it, and that was scary.

“Look, if you really don’t want to, you don’t have to,” Jin promised, running soothing hands up and down Jaehwan’s arms. “I just offered because…well, you deserve to have some fun. You deserve a break from all this bullshit. Don’t you want that?” Jaewhan looked at his cousin for a long time, eyes wide.

“…Yeah,” he whispered at last. “Yeah, I do.” Jin smiled gently.

“Then let me take you somewhere fun. Somewhere proper omegas would never go,” Jin said with a mischievous glint in his eyes. Jaehwan’s heart was starting to beat faster.

“Jin…I want to, but…if we get caught…”

“I’ll tell your parents that it was my fault,” Jin promised. “I’ll say I forced you, that a demure little omega like you couldn’t say no to a beta and I dragged you along.” Jaehwan scowled at being called a “demure little omega,” and Jin just patted him again. “Those are your parents’ words, Jae, not mine. Those are the words that will convince them it wasn’t your fault.” Jaehwan nodded—Jin was right. If he got caught, he’d play fragile and submissive if he had to. Hopefully it would be enough.

So now here Jaehwan was, standing in his bedroom with his cousin and getting ready to go to a club. For obvious reasons, Jaehwan had never been to one before, and he was both excited and nervous. Now that he had the chance, he wanted to go all out, party like he’d seen people party on TV, so he’d chosen that sheer top. It was something his parents would never buy, something he’d bought in secret once while they were distracted in a clothing store. He’d never had the chance to wear it, and he’d been excited to try it out tonight. But now he took if off with resignation, figuring Jin was right that it would be better not to draw too much attention to himself tonight. His mere presence as an omega in that club would be unusual enough.

Jaehwan put on a plain black long-sleeved shirt instead, one that showed no skin at all. At least he could take a little vindictive joy in how tight his pants were. His ass looked damn good. Jin put a little makeup on him, and when Jaehwan saw himself in the mirror when he was done, he had to stop and stare for a moment.

“Jin…am I hot?” Jaehwan asked. He’d never thought of himself that way before, but…his reflection was looking pretty good.

“At the risk of this being a weird answer from your cousin…yeah. You are,” Jin admitted with a little grin. Jaehwan returned the smile. The pair already knew that they’d have to sneak out, so Jin went to Jaehwan’s window and began to look for a way down.

“Jae,” Jin said, sounding surprised. “You’ve got a perfect route to the ground! Look, you can climb on the roof of your porch and drop right down to the grass. How have you never noticed this before?” Jaehwan stood beside Jin and leaned out the window, following the path his cousin had outlined with his eyes. Jin was right, it would be fairly easy to climb down to the ground from his window.

“I…don’t know,” Jaehwan admitted. “I guess because I’ve never tried to sneak out before.” He’d always been too scared to try, to even consider it, really. He only felt brave enough now because Jin was doing it with him. Jin patted his shoulder.

“Well, if you ever want to try again after tonight…now you know how,” he said with an encouraging smile. Jaehwan just stared at him for a moment, and then nodded. His throat felt a little tight. Jin crawled out the window first, to show Jaewhan how to get down. Jaehwan followed, a little nervous and shaky at first. But the route down to the ground really was pretty easy, in the end, and he found himself standing in his family’s yard in less than a minute.

“See? Easy,” Jin whispered, patting his shoulder. “Now come on, let’s go before someone sees us.” They ducked low, and snuck with ease out of the yard.

Jin took Jaehwan to his favorite club, paying for the bus fee on the way there, and paying the entry fee for both of them. The bouncer seemed a bit surprised to see Jaehwan there, but having a few omegas around was always good for boosting a club’s appeal, so he let him in without even asking for I.D.

Jaehwan gripped Jin’s sleeve as they walked into the club. The air was thick with the smell of alphas and betas, as well as alcohol, sweat, and cigarette smoke. The music was so loud Jaehwan could feel it thrumming in his bones, multicolored lights dazzling his eyes, washing over a crowd of people dancing and gyrating, bumping their bodies together.

“You like this place?” Jaehwan shouted over the music. Jin looked back at him with a grin.

“Yeah! It’s fun!” he replied. Jaehwan raised an eyebrow, very much questioning that. “Come on, let’s get something to drink. That should help,” Jin said. He led them to the bar. Jaehwan had no idea what to order, so Jin got him something sweet and fruity. The bartender winked at him, and gave him his drink for free. Jaehwan just mumbled a thank you and followed Jin into the crowd, still gripping the beta’s sleeve. Heads turned as he walked past, as the alphas and betas dancing caught his sweet omega scent. Their eyes followed him with interest, and Jaehwan tried not to let it make him uneasy. He was supposed to be having fun. Jin said this place was fun. Besides, the beta wouldn’t let anything happen to him, so Jaehwan tried to relax. This might be his only chance ever to go out, and he wanted to enjoy it.

Jaehwan drank his drink quickly, and pretty soon he was feeling a pleasant buzz. He felt a little lighter than before, and a little more giddy. Jin stuck close to him, watching him out of the corner of his eye carefully as the two swayed to the music. Jaehwan _was_ starting to enjoy himself.

Suddenly the music cut off. Jaehwan stopped, looking up at the stage against one wall of the club. An alpha in baggy clothes walked out and announced that the show was about to begin.

“What show?” Jaehwan asked Jin.

“This is why this is my favorite club,” the beta explained excitedly. “Every weekend they get a bunch of live performers—usually rappers—to come give a show. Some of them are shit, but some of them are _really_ good. This place is like a hotspot for underground rappers.”

“Oh,” Jaehwan replied, not sure what else to say. He’d never really listened to rap—it wasn’t proper for omegas. His parents pretty much limited him to classical and instrumental music, because any kind of music with lyrics might have a bad message (or so they said). Jaehwan turned his gaze back to the stage.

The first performer to come out was a male alpha dressed much like the announcer, in baggy clothing with oversized chains. Jaehwan kind of felt like he was trying too hard with that get-up. The alpha began to rap, and at first it was about what Jaehwan expected. Lines about how great he was, how much better he was than other rappers, lines about how many omegas (or “bitches,” as he seemed to prefer to call them) that he could make drip for him. He talked about seducing a male omega and then “smacking his wet ass.” Jaehwan frowned. That wasn’t very nice. People liked these kinds of lyrics? He looked around himself and realized that several people in the crowd, especially alphas, seemed to be very into the song, laughing and jumping with the beat and nodding to the lyrics. Jaehwan turned his gaze back to the stage, frowning some more as the alpha went on. When he finally finished, Jaehwan didn’t applaud.

“Well, I’d put him in the “shit” category,” Jin said over the applause of the rest of the crowd. Jaehwan nodded in agreement. The next performer was a beta, and Jaehwan hoped that would make his lyrics a little more toned down. But no, he spent his whole song bragging about how he “gets more bitches than the baddest alpha.” Some alphas in the crowd booed, but they seemed to find the lyrics more funny than anything. The betas cheered loudly when the rapper finished. Jaehwan had folded his arms now. Jin patted him in apology.

“Sorry. Maybe I never noticed how awful some of these lyrics were,” the beta admitted. “But hey, I’m sure it’ll get better.” It didn’t. All the rappers that followed, mostly alphas and a few betas, all seemed to be rapping about the same things.

“I guess creativity isn’t a priority,” Jaehwan said blandly when the fifth alpha finished. Another came on, and proved himself the worst of all. His first song was about taking an omega’s virginity, and then laughing at her when she begged him to marry her to save her reputation. Several alphas in the audience laughed too. His second song included a line about smacking an omega for refusing to suck his dick. Jaehwan was starting to feel sick.

“Goddess, Jae, I’m sorry,” Jin said as the alpha left to an applauding audience. “I didn’t know this was the Night of Assholes.” He looked pale, a little sick himself. That last song had been disgustingly graphic.

“Is this what alphas like?” Jaehwan asked. His voice was a little shaky. “Is this really what they think of us?”

“Not all of them,” Jin tried.

“But why do any of them think like this?” Jaehwan insisted. “Aren’t omegas oppressed enough? Aren’t we hurt enough? Why do they get so much pleasure out of hurting us when we’re already vulnerable?” He realized then that he was close to crying, so he stopped speaking and swallowed down the tears. Jin looked heartbroken as he took Jaehwan’s hand.

“I’m sorry, Jae,” he murmured, hugging him close. “I didn’t know it would be like this tonight. I shouldn’t have brought you here.” Jin pulled back, doing his best to give him an apologetic smile. “Come on, let’s get out of here. We’ll get ice cream instead.” Jaehwan nodded. That sounded much better. But when they turned to look at the crowd, they realized it had gotten oppressively thick over the course of the live performances. Jaehwan and Jin were near the front of the stage, and getting through the crowd to the door at the back was going to be tough. Jaehwan didn’t like the idea of having to push through so many alphas. He was positive he’d get groped in the process.

The announcer came back, and told the audience that it was time for their last performance of the night. Jin looked at Jaehwan apologetically.

“Think you can last through one more?” he asked. “The crowd will clear out pretty quickly once the performance is over.” Jaehwan took a deep breath to steady himself, and nodded.

“Okay.” He could handle one more. It would be nothing different from what he’d been hearing all night. The last performer walked out—another male alpha in baggy clothing. Jaehwan sighed. He had a handsome face, with slightly droopy eyelids that kind of reminded Jaehwan of a puppy. He felt no endearment though, sure this alpha would be just like the rest. He introduced himself as “Ravi,” clearly a stage name—but all the rappers tonight had had stage names. Jaehwan just folded his arms, ready to wait it out.

A musical track began to play. Ravi had said this song was called “Damn Ra.” Jaehwan had no idea what that name meant. It had a strong but unusual beat, and that piqued his interest a little. Ravi began to rap, and at first Jaehwan rolled his eyes. More bragging about himself, it seemed, except…actually, it _was_ different. Ravi was bragging more about how hard he worked than how awesome he was. Jaehwan tipped his head, listening to the lyrics with a little more interest. He liked them better than the other rappers’, that was for sure, and he almost laughed when Ravi actually barked in the middle of his lines like a dog. But he was just waiting for the moment when Ravi would say something shitty and ruin everything…but as it turned out, Ravi only had one line about omegas in his song, and it wasn’t at all what Jaehwan expected:

“ _To the rappers who try to get attention by writing lyrics degrading omegas, each and every one of you should eat your dick like candy. Only chasing ass, what is this alien language? After your persistent mug shines for a bit, it’ll disappear,”_ Ravi growled into the mic. Jaehwan’s jaw dropped. Did he really just say that? Here? After following all those rappers who’d just done exactly what Ravi was criticizing? Jin shot Jaehwan an impressed look. Jaehwan looked around, and saw his surprise mirrored on some of the faces of alphas in the crowd. Some looked offended, but maybe they were too surprised to boo. After that Jaehwan started to like the song a little, and he couldn’t help noticing that Ravi was a pretty good dancer.

When the song finally ended, the applause wasn’t as loud as before. A few alphas weren’t even clapping at all. But for the first time that night, Jaehwan clapped, looking up at the stage with wide eyes. Ravi gave a little bow, and when he straightened up, caught Jaehwan’s eye by coincidence. Jaehwan stiffened, his heart skipping a beat. He always got a little nervous when alphas stared at him, but for some reason…this time he was blushing too. Ravi gave him a small smile. Jaehwan dropped his eyes, feeling flushed.

A female beta came onto the stage then, and Ravi announced that his next song would be a duet with her. Jaehwan looked up again in interest. Only a few of the performers tonight had included any singing. The song was called “Rose,” and was a combination of Ravi rapping and the beta girl singing. She had a beautiful voice, and strangely it worked well with Ravi’s deep one. Jaehwan was even more surprised at this song than the last one. Ravi was definitely the only performer tonight to perform a love song. He was worried about how the audience would take it, but after all the hype of the earlier songs, it was kind of nice to have a calmer one to finish. Most of the crowd seemed alright with it.

Jaehwan found himself swaying to the music. Ravi glanced at him a few times during the song, and by the end Jaehwan was sure his cheeks were bright pink. Why was that alpha staring at him so much? When the song ended the pair bowed. Again, the applause was a little lukewarm. But Jaehwan clapped loudly, as loud as he could. Ravi glanced at him when he straightened up, and Jaehwan could swear the alpha gave him a small, appreciative smile.

“Looks like you might’ve caught someone’s eye,” Jin teased, nudging him. Jaehwan just pushed his cousin back, hoping the darkness of the club would hide the blush in his cheeks.

Jaehwan and Jin waited while the crowd slowly filtered out of the club. It would be safer for Jaehwan to have as much personal space as possible, so they decided to wait until the crowd was more or less gone before trying to walk out. As it happened, waiting until the crowd thinned out also gave a certain performer time to find him. Jaehwan turned when he felt a tap on his shoulder, and went stiff.

Ravi was standing before him, wearing a white hoodie now over his baggy performance clothes. He was wearing dark eyeliner, but it suited him, and up close that droopy-puppy look to his eyes _was_ sort of cute.

“Hi,” Ravi said. Wow, he really did have a deep voice, didn’t he?

“Uh, hi,” Jaehwan replied, uncertain. He hadn’t talked to an alpha outside of his family since he was a kid. All of the sudden he seemed to have forgotten how to speak at all. Jin came up beside him, putting a hand on Jaehwan’s arm in a protective gesture. Ravi’s gaze followed the hand.

“Oh, I’m sorry,” he said, sounding genuinely apologetic. “Is this your mate?” Jaehwan and Jin exchanged a wide-eyed look.

“Nope. No, definitely not,” Jin assured him. “I’m just his cousin. Just want to let you know that he’s not here alone.” There was a warning in Jin’s words, and Ravi dipped his head to respectfully acknowledge it.

“Of course.” He turned back to Jaehwan then. “I noticed you in the crowd. Forgive me if I’m wrong, but…you seemed to like my last song…right?” Ravi sounded a little shy, and it was making Jaehwan a tad less nervous.

“Yeah,” he admitted, finding his voice again. “It was…nice. A good change from the other shit.” Jaehwan’s eyes widened at the same time as Ravi’s. He didn’t know if he’d ever sworn before, and he was surprised at himself for doing it just now. But damn, it felt pretty good, and those other alphas deserved to have their songs called shit. Ravi laughed a little.

“I agree, those other rappers were awful,” he said, rubbing his neck. Jaehwan looked closely, his heart skipping another beat when he realized Ravi was blushing. He didn’t know if he’d ever seen an alpha blush. “Oh, by the way,” Ravi said then, “I wanted to ask you your name.”

“Oh. Um, I’m Jaehwan,” the omega said, a bit unsteadily. Ravi smiled, his eyes seeming to sparkle a bit.

“Nice to meet you, Jaehwan. I’m sure you heard my stage name, but my real name is Wonshik,” Ravi admitted. Jaehwan found his lips curving just a bit. He liked that name—it had a kind sound to it.

“Nice to meet you too,” Jaehwan replied. He could sense Jin repressing laughter at how awkward he was being, and resolved to pinch him later.

“Well, Jaehwan…” Ravi—Wonshik—said after an awkward moment of silence. “I was wondering if I could give you something.” He held out a rose—a real, red rose, like the kind he’d been singing about. There was a slip of paper wrapped around the stem, but Jaewhan couldn’t tell what it was. Jaehwan just stared at the rose for a moment, struck. Was an alpha really giving him a flower?

“It’s just, since you seemed to like the song…” Wonshik stammered when Jaehwan didn’t immediately take the rose. The alpha was clearly losing confidence by the second. Jin nudged Jaehwan, and that brought the omega back to his senses. He reached out and took the rose. Wonshik’s relief was evident in every line of his body.

“Thank you,” Jaehwan said softly, a little too speechless to say anything else. Wonshik gave him a small smile, and Jaehwan’s heart skipped yet another beat. Was he having palpitations? Did he need a hospital? Jin was laughing silently, covering his mouth with his hand.

“Of course. I figured…well, nothing could be as pretty as your smile, but this was the closest thing I could find,” Wonshik admitted, gesturing to the rose. Jaehwan’s eyes went wide.

“Oh,” he said. At that, the ultimate display of Jaehwan’s awkwardness, Jin burst into laughter, unable to contain himself anymore. Wonshik glanced between the two nervously, not sure who it was that the beta was laughing at. Jaehwan elbowed his cousin hard, and Jin managed to stifle his laugh. Jaehwan smiled, an attempt to make up for his cousin. “Thank you, Wonshik. This is a beautiful gift.” At that, the alpha lit up completely, smiling like Jaehwan had just told him he’d won the lottery. It was pretty damn cute, if Jaehwan was being honest.

“I’m glad you like it,” he said enthusiastically, and then immediately got shy when he realized how excited he sounded. He rubbed his neck again. “Um, so…I was wondering if you’d like to meet up sometime. For coffee, or-or ice cream, or whatever you’d like.” Jaehwan’s lips parted in surprise. Despite the rose, despite Wonshik’s little compliments…was he really being asked on a date?

“You know I’m an omega, right?” Jaehwan asked. Omegas didn’t get to date. Wonshik held up his hands in apology.

“Of course. I didn’t mean to suggest anything inappropriate. If you need a chaperone or something, I don’t mind,” he said quickly. Jaehwan glanced at Jin. The beta waggled his eyebrows, silent encouragement. Jaehwan glanced down at the rose.

Good omegas didn’t go on dates. They didn’t sneak out. They certainly didn’t agree to meet alphas without their parents’ permission. But Jaehwan had gotten his first taste of freedom in years tonight, and well…he wanted more. He was tired of being a good omega. Being a good omega had made his life miserable, made him a shell, just like Jin said. Besides, maybe if less omegas were “good,” those shitty rappers from earlier wouldn’t so easily get away with abusing them.

Jaehwan didn’t want to be good. He wanted to be himself. He wanted to do what his heart told him and screw what his parents thought of it. And right now, his heart seemed to be telling him he wanted to meet this alpha again. So Jaehwan looked up, and gave Wonshik the most confident smile he’d given anyone in a long time.

“Okay,” he told Wonshik. “It’s a date.”

 

 

When Jaehwan got home, he found that the slip of paper wrapped around the rose stem had Wonshik’s phone number on it. Jaehwan wasn’t allowed to have a phone, so he used Jin’s to text Wonshik and set up a time and place for their date. Then he got a vase, filled it with water, and put his rose inside. It smelled lovely, and knowing what it represented…Jaehwan closed his eyes, took a whiff, and smiled. It smelled like freedom.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Falling in love with Wonshik took no time at all. Even though all they did on their first date was go to an ice cream shop, Jaehwan had the time of his life. He hadn’t laughed so much in years, and Wonshik seemed to glow like the sun every time the omega giggled at something he’d said. They got along like old friends, even though they’d just met.

Wonshik shared some of his other songs with Jaehwan, and just like before, the omega was pleasantly surprised by the lyrics. Wonshik was nothing like those rappers from the club. His songs had good messages, said things that mattered, and not one talked about omegas like objects.

“That’s part of the reason I want to make it big in this industry,” Wonshik admitted when Jaehwan complimented his lyrics. “Of course, I love making music, but I also want to do this because I think the rap industry can be so much better. It’s just inundated with these awful people and lyrics and messages…I want to do what I can to make it better.” Jaehwan had loved that, and before long, he decided he loved Wonshik too.

They’d only been dating for a month when Jaehwan felt comfortable enough to open up about his family, to tell Wonshik why he had to sneak around so much to see him, why he couldn’t text him because he didn’t have a phone. He ended up crying on the alpha’s shoulder, surprising even himself when he realized how hard it was to admit how much his life hurt, how hard it had been for the past several years. Wonshik was angry for him, and heartbroken. He was more sympathetic than anyone had been towards Jaehwan in years (except maybe Jin), and it made Jaehwan realize something: he didn’t have to be the perfect omega his parents expected him to be. Wonshik knew Jaehwan was sneaking around to see him, breaking rules, being imperfect—and he loved him anyway. He loved him for who he was, not who he pretended to be.

It was a revelation for Jaehwan, and it made that quiet guilt he’d been feeling since he first snuck out with Jin melt away. He didn’t feel guilty for breaking rules anymore, because those rules had been unfair to begin with.

So Jaehwan let himself enjoy his relationship freely. Wonshik gave him a phone, so they could talk any time they wanted. Jaehwan kept it hidden from his parents, stuffing it under his mattress at night. He’d been so obedient for so many years, they never seemed to suspect him of anything. He snuck out several nights a week now, and they never knew.

He’d been dating Wonshik for months now, and he’d never been so happy. Jaehwan finally had something to look forward to when he woke up in the morning, a reason to get out of bed and not dread having to go through another day. It wasn’t just Wonshik, though he was part of it. It was the fact that Jaehwan had discovered freedom, that he’d realized he could live for himself, be himself, that his world didn’t have to be the cage his parents had made. Ever since realizing that, his whole world had become brighter.

 

 

One night, during a date at Wonshik’s apartment, Jaehwan finally convinced the alpha that he was ready to make love. He’d been wanting to for months, but Wonshik had been too hesitant, worried about how it might affect Jaehwan, if his parents would find out, if he’d get in trouble…but they both wanted it, and that night when Jaehwan crawled into Wonshik’s lap and kissed him, they couldn’t take it anymore.

Jaehwan thought it had to be one of the best experiences of his life. Wonshik was gentle with him, and attentive. He made Jaehwan come before they’d even started, just by using his mouth. And when they had sex he made him come again, and when Jaehwan heard his own pleasured cry ringing in his ears, and saw the passion and love in Wonshik’s eyes, he knew he’d found bliss.

Afterwards they cuddled for a long time, Wonshik running hands up and down Jaehwan’s body, admiring him.

“You’re so beautiful,” the alpha murmured, kissing his neck.

“Like a rose?” Jaehwan teased, voice soft. Wonshik smiled lovingly at him, running a hand through his hair.

“Better than a rose,” he promised.

“You know, as much as I love that song…I’ve always thought it was a little masochistic,” Jaehwan admitted then. Wonshik sat up a bit.

“Wait, really?”

“Yeah. I mean, you have all those lines about being pricked by thorns and being in pain…should I be looking out for some kinks now that we’re having sex?” Jaehwan asked. Wonshik laughed, lying back down and hugging Jaehwan close.

“No—I mean, that wasn’t the point of those lyrics,” Wonshik promised. “I was more just trying to say…well, that if I loved someone enough, any amount of pain would be bearable. I’d go through anything for them, to keep them safe and happy.” Jaehwan’s eyes widened. He stared at Wonshik, at the way the alpha’s gaze had gone from amused to serious. He seemed to be saying something, silently…

“Wonshik…do you mean…?” The alpha cupped his cheek and kissed him.

“Yes,” Wonshik promised, his breath brushing Jaehwan’s lips. “I love you that much and more.” Jaehwan stared, sure his heart had never felt so good.

“I love you too,” he whispered.

 

Jaehwan wanted to stay with Wonshik all night. To sleep cuddled against him, wrapped in his scent, to wake up beside him in the morning, to kiss him good morning, have breakfast with him…he wanted it all. But if he stayed the night his parents would find out. So in the early hours of the morning, he reluctantly left. Wonshik rode with him in the cab, and kissed him goodbye outside of his home. Jaehwan snuck back in, using his usual footholds to climb back up to his bedroom window.

It was too late to shower without waking his parents, and besides, he wanted to stay wrapped in Wonshik’s scent for as long as he could. So Jaehwan just put on pajamas and crawled into bed. He snuggled under the covers, smiling to himself as he remembered the feeling of Wonshik’s hands on his body, and his soft, loving words. He couldn’t wait to do all that with Wonshik again, and to hear the alpha promise again how much he loved him. Jaehwan fell asleep with a smile on his face, feeling warm and safe.

 

The feeling didn’t last. Jaehwan had planned to wake up early and shower before his parents got up, just so they wouldn’t catch Wonshik’s scent on him. But he’d been in such a good mood last night, he’d forgotten to set an alarm. He overslept, and woke to his mother shaking him awake. Jaehwan was so groggy he forgot to be careful, and sat up without thinking. A familiar, warm, spiced fragrance brushed his nose, and for the briefest second, Jaehwan enjoyed it, remembering again all the bliss of last night.

But then his mother stiffened. Jaehwan saw her nostrils flare, and swore his stomach dropped right out of his body. He opened his mouth to speak, but before he could get a word out, she grabbed him by his wrist and dragged him out of bed. He stumbled as she dragged him downstairs. His father was waiting in the kitchen—Jaehwan was supposed to make breakfast in the mornings, that was why his mother had been so impatient when waking him up…

His parents were furious. Jaehwan smelled too much like Wonshik to deny what he’d done. He tried saying all he’d done was meet with an alpha and spend time with him, but his father just slapped him.

“You think I don’t know that smell?” he growled. “You wouldn’t reek like this unless you fucked him!” Finally, they got Jaehwan to admit what he’d done with Wonshik. They were only angrier. They called him a slut, a whore, told him how much he’d shamed himself, how he’d ruined his chance at a good marriage, what a disappointment he was to the family, how they had to hide this or risk the whole family’s reputation…

Jaehwan apologized again and again. He wasn’t truly sorry—he was glad he’d done what he did with Wonshik. But he was sorry he’d gotten caught, and he needed to appease his parents. So he apologized. And apologized.

When his parents were done yelling, his mother dragged him back upstairs and made him shower, made him scrub every trace of Wonshik’s scent from his body. Then he had to wash his sheet and blankets, so the alpha’s scent would be gone from that too. They got rid of all the evidence, every trace.

Jaehwan’s father nailed his window shut, and put a new, heavier lock on his door. Then he locked his son in, leaving Jaehwan confined to his room. Jaehwan allowed himself to cry, because his morning had been scary and painful and his parents were furious with him; and because he didn’t know now how he was going to see Wonshik. He couldn’t get out his window, and his parents probably weren’t going to let him out of his room until he was married to some random alpha…had he ruined everything?

Jaehwan pulled out his phone, glad his parents at least hadn’t found that. He texted Wonshik with shaky hands, blinking back tears as he told him what had happened. Wonshik was worried for him, and furious at his parents. When Jaehwan confided that he was afraid he’d never see him again, Wonshik promised that wouldn’t happen.

 _I’ll make this work, Jae,_ Wonshik had texted. _I promise. We’ll see each other again soon._

 

Jaehwan was locked in his room for a week before the solution came. Jin came over with his family again, and Jaehwan was let out of his room so that he could serve the guests. At some point during dinner Jin disappeared for a few minutes, claiming a need for the bathroom. Jaehwan thought nothing of it, and as soon as he was done serving the guests, his parents sent him back to his room.

Jaehwan sat on his bed with a sigh, and then yelped. There was something hard under his butt…Jaehwan threw back the blankets, and gasped. There was a hammer in his bed. Jin had left him a hammer! Jaehwan quickly hid it, and didn’t take it out again until long after his parents had gone to bed. Jin knew about Jaehwan’s secret phone, and texted him during the night.

 _Use my present to pry those nails out of your window,_ Jin said. _But make sure to put them back in the holes when you come back. Don’t hammer them in, obviously—they’ll hear that. But if you just kind of push them down in the holes, it’ll still look like they’re in. Your parents will probably never notice._

Jaehwan thanked him profusely, and carefully, quietly, pried the nails out of his window. He was so overjoyed he wanted to leave right then, but he also didn’t want to push his luck. So he pushed the nails back into the holes like Jin had suggested and texted Wonshik, telling him they needed to meet up soon.

For a while, Jaehwan’s new system worked. His parents never noticed that the nails had been removed, so they didn’t catch him sneaking out. When he and Wonshik made love at the alpha’s apartment, Jaehwan would take a shower there afterwards, so that when he got home the smell was gone. For a few weeks, things went back to normal, and Jaehwan was happy once more.

But then one day Jaehwan’s mother came into his room, and told him he needed to get ready. Jaehwan asked what for, but she just took his arm and told him to shower. So Jaehwan showered, and when he got out his mother gave him a fresh set of fancy new dress clothes. Jaehwan was starting to feel nervous, but he put them on. She styled his hair, and even put some makeup on him. The moment she did that, Jaehwan’s heart sank, and his hands started to shake. His parents had told him he was only to wear makeup for his mate.

Knowing that, Jaehwan wasn’t surprised when his mother led him downstairs, and he saw an alpha he’d never seen before. His mother told him to bow, so he bowed. The new alpha looked as old as Jaehwan’s father, with gray in his hair and liver spots on his skin. He grinned when he saw Jaehwan, but his smile wasn’t like Wonshik’s, not at all.

Jaehwan served the alpha tea, trying hard not to spill it with his shaking hands; and then at his mother’s behest, sat beside him. Jaehwan kept his head bowed, silent and demure as his parents talked him up, promising the old alpha that Jaehwan would be the best mate: he was so obedient, and quiet, and such a good cook, and so skilled at housework, oh any alpha would be just delighted with him…The old alpha—Kim was his surname, Jaehwan had learned—nodded along, smiling.

Part of Jaehwan wondered why he was being so silent, so good. He’d gotten better in the past several months, at shaking off the “good omega” persona his parents had forced on him. But right now he was scared, and that was making him revert back to obedience. He wanted to do something big, something inappropriate that would make this alpha utterly lose interest in him; but he was too afraid.

“Oh, he sounds like an angel,” Kim said, giving Jaehwan another one of those smiles that made him unsettled. “And he’s so _fresh…_ ” Kim took an obvious sniff, and closed his eyes. “Mm, that scent is perfect. He’s going to make the best little companion, I just know it.” Jaehwan wanted to shiver. Kim looked at his parents. “Mind if I inspect him here? I know it’s a little uncouth, but better to do it here than in front of the whole crowd at the engagement ceremony, right?” Jaewhan glanced at his parents, begging silently. But they were just glad to have found an alpha that would marry Jaehwan and put a stop to his trouble, so they agreed.

So Jaehwan stood there in the kitchen with his head down as an old alpha he didn’t even know groped him, sliding hands over his body, cupping him, squeezing him. When his hands slid beneath the waistband of Jaehwan’s pants, he gasped, his eyes pricking. Kim kept his hands over the underwear, as was proper, but it was still awful. Jaehwan felt gross, and humiliated, when Kim finally backed away.

“He feels wonderful,” he assured Jaehwan’s parents. “I’ll be happy to take him.” His parents looked relieved.

“Excellent. Then we’ll have the engagement ceremony next month,” Jaehwan’s father declared. Kim shook their hands, and left with a pleased smile on his face.

Jaehwan stood with his head down, shaking minutely, silent as his parents lectured him then. They told him he was no longer allowed to see or even think about that “other alpha” (Jaehwan had never told them Wonshik’s name), that he was going to be a proper bride and keep quiet until his wedding. Then they started to tell him about etiquette for the engagement ceremony, and what they expected from him going forward, and how lucky he was that any alpha would take him now that he was “tainted.”

“We’ll have to find a way to fake it on your wedding night,” his mother said then. “His family needs to think you’re a virgin. We’ll have to give you some fake blood to put on the sheets, or—“ At that, at the mention of what Jaewhan would be expected to do with that old alpha on his wedding night, and every night after…he snapped. That was something he did with Wonshik—only Wonshik. Kim didn’t deserve to so much as touch him, much less do to him what was only for him and Wonshik. So Jaehwan raised his head, and looked right at his parents.

“No,” he said. His parents went still, quiet.

“What?” his father said in a low, dangerous voice. But Jaehwan was too angry to give in to the fear making his heart race.

“No! I’m not marrying him!”

“Jaehwan, you will marry whoever we tell you to,” his father growled. But Jaehwan shook his head. Angry tears were starting to spill over.

“No! He’s sick, did you hear what he said about me? And then you just stood there and let him grope me like a piece of meat? How could you?!”

“How could _you?_ ” his mother shot back. “You’re the reason we have to marry you to that sleeze! If you hadn’t fucked that other alpha you wouldn’t be damaged goods!”

“I’m not goods!” Jaehwan yelled. “I’m not a thing you can sell! And I love that alpha I fucked, that’s why I did it! I’m gonna marry _him,_ and if you won’t let me then I’ll leave!”

“Leave? And go where?” his father growled. Jaehwan just did his best to stand tall.

“Anywhere. I don’t care where.”

“Jaehwan, you have to know what happens to omegas on their own,” his mother said in a low voice.

“I do. And I’ll do it,” Jaehwan said, holding his chin up. “I’ll join a strip club, I’ll join a fucking brothel if I have to!” His parents’ jaws dropped. Jaehwan knew Wonshik wouldn’t let that happen to him—if he really ran away, the alpha would find a way to help. He wouldn’t let Jaehwan be in a position where he had to sell his body to survive. But Jaehwan was furious, and more than ready to run away, and that seemed to be enough to convince his parents that he was telling the truth. His father’s face twisted, pure rage, and his fist swung. Jaehwan found himself on the floor. He blinked up at his parents, vision blurry with pain.

“You will _not_ shame our family like that!” his father growled. But Jaehwan growled right back.

“The only shame here is you,” he spat. “You’re so against me marrying an alpha I love that you’ll sell me!”

“That alpha isn’t worthy of this family if he tainted you before marriage,” his mother said.

“He didn’t taint me,” Jaehwan insisted. “I love him, he loves me, that’s why we did it. That’s the only reason. Please, I’ll be a good omega, I’ll be a good son, just…please. Please don’t sell me. Let me marry the right alpha. Please, _please…”_ Jaehwan could see a flicker of uncertainty in his mother’s eyes, and maybe even his father’s.

“…Are you really going to run away if we say no?” his mother asked at last. Jaehwan sat up straight, wiping the tears from his cheeks.

“I will,” he said firmly. “You can’t stop me. Lock me in my room, I don’t care—I’ll find a way. And I’ll tell everyone you know _exactly_ what I did with that alpha I love, so they know your omega was ‘tainted.’” Jaehwan spat the word “tainted,” and his parents paled. His father looked ready to hit him again, but Jaehwan didn’t flinch; this meant too much to him.

“…Fine,” his mother whispered at last. “But we need to meet this alpha.”

So Jaehwan agreed.

 

 

 

The meeting was…rough. Jaehwan’s father nearly attacked Wonshik on sight, and when Wonshik saw the bruise on Jaehwan’s cheek, he nearly attacked right back. But eventually they were able to talk, albeit in short, clipped words.

Wonshik promised that he had every intention to marry Jaehwan, that he loved him more than anything, and that he would do whatever it took to be his mate. Jaehwan’s parents grilled him, and were less than pleased to learn that he was a music producer and rapper, that he had such an unstable job and made so little money. They were harsh with him, and it made Jaehwan both embarrassed and angry.

When they got home Jaehwan argued with his parents some more, making the same threats to leave and spill secrets that he’d made before. Again, after lots of fighting, they relented, on the condition that Wonshik get a more stable income before they married.

“Alright,” Jaehwan had agreed, because he knew it was the best deal he was going to get. At least he’d scared his parents into finally giving him a little say in his own future. He texted Wonshik and apologized for his parents’ behavior. Wonshik promised it was okay, that he just hoped Jaehwan was alright. Jaehwan went to his room and called Wonshik, keeping his voice soft so his parents wouldn’t hear him.

“Wonshik…did you mean it?” Jaehwan murmured. “When you said you wanted to marry me?”

“I meant every word,” the alpha promised, voice warm and gentle. “I want to spend every day of my life with you. I want to fall asleep beside you, and wake up to your face. I want to share a bond with you. I want to share a _life_ with you. Do you want that too?”

“Yes,” Jaehwan breathed, his eyes welling. “I want that more than anything.”

“Then…I know it’s terrible to do this over the phone, but…Lee Jaehwan, will you marry me?”

“Yes,” Jaehwan said, laughing a bit as tears slipped down his cheeks. “Yes, please, I would love to marry you!” Wonshik laughed a bit too, and from the watery sound of it Jaehwan knew he was crying too.

 

 

From that day on, Jaewhan left the house whenever he felt like it. To appease his parents, he often stayed for his etiquette lessons, but when they were over, if he wanted to go out for a smoothie, he’d go out for a smoothie. His parents seemed to have finally learned that they couldn’t stop him. Even when they locked him in, he found a way to get out, and he was no longer scared of them like he had been. They still gave him a curfew, because they didn’t want him sleeping with Wonshik until marriage, so Jaehwan made sure to come home on time. Then, if he wanted to see the alpha, he’d sneak out his window at night.

Things were still tense, and uneasy. Jaewhan knew he wouldn’t feel secure until he’d finally gotten to marry Wonshik for real. But knowing he had a chance now, that someday his future really would be in his own hands…it gave him the strength and hope to go on.

 

 

 

…………………………………..

 

 

 

“Wow. Jae, that’s…I’m so sorry,” Hakyeon whispered. He’d gone pale listening to Jaehwan’s story. “I had no idea you went through so much…”

“People usually don’t,” Jaehwan admitted. “I’m a pretty upbeat person, so no one usually suspects that my life was so tough for a while…” Hakyeon hugged him, and Jaehwan smiled. “But hey, don’t feel too bad. I couldn’t ask for anything more than all the wonderful people and things I have now.” Hakyeon squeezed him.

“You sure fought hard to be here, didn’t you?” he murmured.

“We both did,” Jaehwan agreed, clinking his glass against Hakyeon’s. “But you know what that makes us?”

“What?” Hakyeon asked, smiling a little as he looked at his friend. Jaehwan winked.

“It makes us two badass omegas who can’t be beat!” he declared. Hakyeon grinned, sitting up.

“Damn right it does.” He hugged Jaehwan again. “I’m proud of you, Jae. You’re so strong.”

“I’m proud of you too, Yeonnie,” Jaehwan murmured, burying his nose in Hakyeon’s hair. “You inspire me. I’m so glad we met.” Hakyeon closed his eyes, snuggling into his friend’s embrace.

“Me too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In case anyone didn’t know, I took Ravi’s rap lyrics in this chapter straight from his real song “Damn Ra” (except he said “women,” not “omegas,” of course XD ) One of my favorite Ravi lines, so I knew I had to include it ;) I hope this first chapter wasn’t too intense. I’ve got a thing for angst, but I have lots of fluff planned in the future too <3 As always, thanks for reading!


	2. On the Way

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Neo chapter <3

 

 

 

Hakyeon gave a tired huff as he set down a heavy box on the kitchen counter. It was full of dishes, and it was (luckily) one of the last things left to transport. He and Taekwoon had been moving things for the last few days, and wow had it been a process. He wasn’t quite sure when he and Taekwoon had accumulated so many things, but moving out of their apartment had been more work than he’d anticipated. It was a good thing their friends had helped yesterday, or it would’ve taken even longer. But at least they were finally almost done. All they had to move now were Hakyeon’s plants, with which he’d filled nearly the entire car. He’d been worried about them falling and spilling from their pots, so he’d made Taekwoon drive slowly and carefully from their old apartment all the way to their new house in the hills.

Hakyeon wiped sweat from his forehead, smiling as he looked around. He loved their new kitchen—it was much bigger than the one in their old apartment, and he and Taekwoon would be able to make dinner together without bumping into each other now. As much as he still had some nostalgia attached to their old apartment (it was the first place he’d lived with Taekwoon, after all) he was excited to call this new place home. His favorite part was the backyard—he finally had enough room to take his love of plants to the next level. He’d already picked the best spots to plant flowers, and was going to make Taekwoon go to the plant nursery with him as soon as possible.

Hakyeon was pulled from his daydreaming when he felt a familiar pair of arms wrap around his waist. He smiled, leaning into the embrace as Taekwoon kissed his cheek.

“What are you thinking about?” Taekwoon murmured, resting his chin on Hakyeon’s shoulder. He was tired and sweaty too from moving things all day, but Hakyeon could tell he too was feeling accomplished now that they were almost done.

“All the flowers I’m gonna plant in the backyard,” Hakyeon replied. “If you thought my houseplants were excessive, you haven’t seen anything yet.” Taekwoon chuckled, hugging him tighter.

“I’m looking forward to it,” he promised. “Speaking of houseplants, should we go rescue them from the car?”

“Of course. We’ve got to introduce them to the new place!” Hakyeon agreed. Taekwoon smiled fondly, holding Hakyeon’s hand as they walked back out to the car.

“Who do you think is going to adapt the easiest?”

“Probably Sir Spines,” Hakyeon mused. “He’s a cactus, so he’s pretty tough for a plant. I already picked out the perfect spot for him—he’ll get all the sun he could want.” Taekwoon nodded approval.

“Good. What really matters about our new house is that the plants approve.”

“Exactly!” Hakyeon agreed. Taekwoon chuckled, giving him another little kiss before the two began to carefully take plants from the car.

 

That night Hakyeon and Taekwoon lay curled together in their new bed. They had a small balcony connected to their bedroom now, and it was warm enough tonight that they’d decided to leave the door to it open. A gentle breeze blew through the room, and they marveled at how comfortable it all was. Hakyeon had thought he would have a hard time falling asleep the first few nights; it was never easy to sleep in a new place. But now that he’d spent the last few days moving in, and now that he had Taekwoon here beside him…he already felt like he was home.

“Your heat is in two weeks, right?” Taekwoon murmured, unconsciously running a hand up and down Hakyeon’s back.

“Yep.”

“And are you sure you’re ready? I can get a refill for your birth control if you want to wait another month.”

“Taekwoon.” Hakyeon raised his head so he could give his partner a soft, reassuring smile. “I’m ready. I wouldn’t have spent the last three days moving here if I wasn’t.” Taekwoon returned his smile, running a hand through his hair.

“Just wanted to be sure. This is a major step.”

“I know,” Hakyeon agreed, giving him a kiss. “But if it’s with you, I want it.” Taekwoon hugged him tight.

“Me too.” Hakyeon and Taekwoon had been married for several years now, and a few months ago, they’d decided together that they were finally ready to grow their family (well, beyond Latte and Hakyeon’s houseplants, of course). They were both where they wanted to be in their lives, and had been there for a while. Taekwoon was the head of the family hospital now, and ran it better than his father ever had. Hakyeon was the principle skater at his company, and though it was hard work, it was everything he’d dreamed of. He, Taekwoon, and their friends also still ran their equal rights movement, though it had grown and expanded over the years into a large organization. That was hard work too, but rewarding, so they were happy to do it.

They were stable now, in a good place in their lives, and happy. So after much discussion, they’d decided they were ready and eager to expand. They had plenty of love to give, and it was time to give it to someone new.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Two weeks later, Hakyeon found himself sitting in their new kitchen, mouth watering as Taekwoon set a steaming plate of food in front of him. The alpha had insisted on cooking him a romantic dinner tonight, pampering him as much as he could before his heat. Hakyeon thanked him, digging into the food the moment Taekwoon took a seat across from him.

“This is _amazing,”_ Hakyeon moaned, closing his eyes to savor the meal. Taekwoon had been a good cook when Hakyeon met him, but he’d gotten even better over the years. The alpha looked pleased, the way he always did when Hakyeon complimented him. Although many things had changed in their lives, some things stayed the same—like the way Taekwoon still lit up, even now, any time Hakyeon smiled at him. And Hakyeon still found it sweet.

“Glad you like it,” Taekwoon replied. “Eat a lot, okay? You know what a toll heats take on your body.”

“Yeah. In fact, I’d say I know better than you,” Hakyeon replied, raising an amused eyebrow. Taekwoon flushed a bit.

“Sorry. I just don’t want you to be too worn out.”

“But I like it when I’m worn out,” Hakyeon replied with a fake pout. “You pamper me so well then.” Taekwoon laughed.

“I hope our baby isn’t as spoiled as you,” he said, a playful glint in his eye.

“Hey. I don’t make you spoil me. You like it!” Hakyeon said, pointing an accusing chopstick at him. Taekwoon stood from his seat, and before Hakyeon could blink the alpha had him wrapped in a hug.

“I sure do,” Taekwoon agreed, lifting Hakyeon right out of his seat and hugging him too tight to escape.

“Hey,” Hakyeon complained, wriggling a bit. “I can’t eat my food like this.” Taekwoon just nuzzled him.

“You wanted to be spoiled.”

“Psh, _you_ wanted to spoil me,” Hakyeon grumbled. But Taekwoon’s hugs had always felt too good, and pretty soon he gave into it, holding the alpha close and smiling into his shirt. He _did_ like it when Taekwoon was affectionate like this. He’d thought it would probably fade over the years, at least a little. Taekwoon had been so doting and affectionate when they first married, but even if he still loved Hakyeon, that seemed like the type of behavior that would fade as time went on, and their relationship became a normal part of life. But somehow, it hadn’t. Taekwoon still glowed when Hakyeon smiled at him or kissed him, he still massaged Hakyeon when he was sore, and brought him flowers when he had the chance. That sweet, affectionate side of Taekwoon was the same as it had always been, and Hakyeon cherished it.

He did want to eat his food, though, so Taekwoon kissed his forehead and let him go. Hakyeon sat back down, but he couldn’t help smiling at his mate. Taekwoon winked, and Hakyeon laughed as he dug into his food again.

 

That night Taekwoon gave him a slow, deep massage, wanting to relax every one of his muscles before the heat. Hakyeon closed his eyes, giving a content sigh as the alpha’s hands rubbed his back. Taekwoon had even used massage oil, and it felt great on his skin.

“Do you want one too?” Hakyeon murmured, voice half-muffled by his pillow. He liked giving massages as much as he liked getting them, because it was always nice to see Taekwoon relaxed and happy at his touch. But this time the alpha shook his head.

“Don’t worry about it,” Taekwoon murmured, keeping his voice soft because it just fit the quiet, soothing atmosphere in their bedroom. “This is so you can have the best heat possible.” Hakyeon smiled sleepily.

“Mm, I have a feeling it’s going to be the best one I’ve had,” he said. He’d never been so calm and relaxed before a heat, and the fact that he and Taekwoon were both excited for this one made it even better. The alpha kissed his cheek before resuming the massage. Hakyeon sighed again, feeling perfectly content. By the time Taekwoon finished, he was almost asleep. Hakyeon vaguely sensed Taekwoon lying down beside him and cuddling up to him. The alpha blew out the candles he’d lit, leaving their bedroom dark, and wrapped his arms around Hakyeon. He kissed his forehead, and the omega smiled, drifting into sleep in comfort.

When Hakyeon awoke next, it was morning. His skin was burning, thighs wet, and he shook Taekwoon immediately. The alpha awoke right away, Hakyeon’s scent snapping him awake. Hakyeon lay back, panting, and moaned in relief when Taekwoon slid inside him. Taekwoon began to move, and with the burning eased, Hakyeon was able to smile up at him. Taekwoon smiled back, and kissed him deeply.

“Let’s make a baby,” he whispered.

 

 

 

 

 

 

A few weeks later, Taekwoon was sleeping snuggled against Hakyeon (as he always did) when he realized something. The alpha was just starting to wake up, but still sleepy. Deciding he could rest a few more minutes, he buried his nose in Hakyeon’s hair and gave a tired sigh. Hakyeon’s sweet scent was always soothing to him, and being wrapped in the omega’s scent made it easier to sleep.

But this time something was different. Taekwoon’s nose twitched, and he slowly opened his eyes as he realized it: Hakyeon still smelled like himself, like sweet honeysuckle; but there was something else too, something warm and soft, something that made Taekwoon feel instinctually both fond and protective. He sat up, suddenly wide awake, heart beating quickly in excitement. He lowered his head, taking another sniff, making sure to sniff right by Hakyeon’s scent gland. Taekwoon grinned—he was sure now. He worked in a hospital, he’d grown up knowing that scent, and something told him he’d know it instinctually even if he’d never smelled it before.

Hakyeon’s lids fluttered open. Taekwoon pulled back, unable to stop smiling as he watched the omega wake.

“Why are you sniffing me this early?” Hakyeon grumbled, rubbing his eyes.

“Because you smell different,” Taekwoon replied, practically bouncing with excitement. Hakyeon was still groggy, and shot him a confused look.

“What?” Taekwoon couldn’t contain it anymore.

“Hakyeon…you smell pregnant.” Suddenly Hakyeon was awake too.

“Wait, really?”

“Yeah, can’t you smell it?” Taekwoon asked. Hakyeon ducked his head, trying to sniff himself. It was harder to detect one’s own scent, but after a moment, Hakyeon raised his head. His eyes were wide, and glistening with happy tears.

“Taekwoon…” Taekwoon practically tackled him into a hug, squeezing so tight it was hard to breathe. But Hakyeon just laughed, one of those happy tears escaping down his cheek. When Taekwoon pulled back his cheeks were damp too, and he gave Hakyeon a deep kiss.

“We did it,” he whispered. Hakyeon kissed him again, tears slipping free as he wound his arms around his mate’s neck and held him close. He couldn’t wait to experience all of this, together with Taekwoon.

 

The next day Jaehwan and Wonshik came over to celebrate. Hakyeon and Jaehwan had decided they wanted their kids to be best friends, and the same age. So they’d coordinated, and made sure to pick the same month for their “get pregnant” heat. Now he and Jaehwan both had that warm, soft scent about them, and Wonshik and Taekwoon couldn’t help but want to fuss over them. The alphas made dinner that night, and the four of them were in good spirits as they sat together and ate.

“Any symptoms yet?” Jaehwan asked, taking a sip of the sparkling cider they were pretending was champagne. The omegas had to change their diet for a while, and Wonshik and Taekwoon had promised to change with them in support. They were all having cider tonight.

“Not yet,” Hakyeon admitted. “But I guess it’s still pretty early.”

“True. But I’m trying to be optimistic,” Jaehwan replied. “If I keep telling myself it’ll be a breeze, then it will, right?”

“Well, technically—“ Taekwoon began, but Jaehwan shushed him, pointing his glass at him.

“Hey. None of that doctor ‘I actually know what I’m talking about’ stuff. Let me placebo myself into thinking pregnancy will be easy,” Jaewhan demanded. Taekwoon held up his hands.

“Okay. It’ll be super easy,” the alpha tried. Jaehwan just slumped.

“Well _that_ wasn’t convincing. Now how am I supposed to fool myself?” he grumbled. Hakyeon laughed, patting Jaehwan reassuringly.

“Hey, it’ll be okay. In fact, I think it’ll be kind of fun!”

“You think so?” Jaehwan asked, perking up a bit. Hakyeon nodded.

“Yeah! I mean, this is such a special experience. Not everyone goes through it, and when you think about the end result…isn’t it worth it?” Hakyeon was smiling, and Jaehwan smiled too.

“It is,” he agreed softly. “I can’t wait.”

“Well then. Cheers to both of you,” Wonshik said, smiling fondly. They all clinked their glasses together.

“To a fun pregnancy,” Jaehwan said, raising his glass to Hakyeon’s.

“A fun pregnancy,” Hakyeon agreed.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Hakyeon’s whole body lurched as he leaned over the toilet, throwing up for what must’ve been the third time that morning. Nothing was coming up but bile now, and yet his stomach wouldn’t relent. He slumped against the toilet, closing his eyes in exhaustion. He heard Taekwoon enter the bathroom, and felt the alpha crouch beside him. This morning sickness had been absolutely killing him the last few days, but at least he felt a bit better when Taekwoon’s warm hand began to rub his back. That was, until he lurched forward again and threw up a fourth time.

“Oh, honey…” Taekwoon murmured sympathetically, frowning in clear worry. “I’m so sorry this hit you so hard.” He kept rubbing Hakyeon’s back, reaching for a tissue with his free hand. He wiped the omega’s mouth clean, Hakyeon still gasping. His forehead glistened with sweat, and he felt weak and miserable as he leaned into Taekwoon, laying his limp head on his chest. Taekwoon hugged him, still gliding a hand up and down his back. They were quiet for a few minutes, waiting to see if Hakyeon would throw up again. He didn’t, but that didn’t mean the nausea was gone.

“I got you an IV,” Taekwoon said at last. “You’re dehydrated, and at this rate you won’t be able to drink enough water to make up for it, especially if you’re gonna throw it back up…”

“Okay,” Hakyeon agreed. His voice was weak and shaky, and the way it cracked showed how unwell he felt. Taekwoon made a soft sound of sympathy, hugging Hakyeon closer and kissing his hair.

“I’m sorry I can’t do more to make you feel better,” he murmured. Hakyeon just shook his head. It wasn’t Taekwoon’s fault—well, it sort of was, but Hakyeon was equally responsible. And it would be worth it in the end, but at the moment that didn’t help him feel less sick. As if thinking about it had made it worse, Hakyeon’s stomach tossed again. He pulled away from Taekwoon to lean over the toilet bowl, throwing up just a little since there was hardly anything left to puke up. Taekwoon stayed and rubbed his back until he stopped coughing, and then he stood.

“I’ll get the IV.” The alpha left, and Hakyeon stayed slumped against the toilet until he came back. Perks of having the director of a hospital and/or doctor for a mate: Taekwoon had been able to take the fluid, drip, and IV pole right from their hospital with ease; and, he could put the IV in himself.

Hakyeon held out his arm, watching tiredly as Taekwoon cleaned the back of his hand. The alpha’s hands were gentle as he held Hakyeon’s hand and carefully inserted the needle. Hakyeon growled involuntarily (he hated shots,) but Taekwoon just murmured soothing words and kissed his hand once the needle was in. He taped it down, and then hung the bag of fluid from the IV pole.

“Not the most convenient, but you should be able to get this around the house okay—I can help you up the stairs,” Taekwoon said. “Hopefully you won’t need it for long. Mom says morning sickness this bad usually doesn’t last forever.”

“Okay,” Hakyeon murmured, voice raspy from throwing up. Taekwoon frowned sadly again and knelt beside him. He drew Hakyeon into a gentle hug, and the omega leaned into him, grateful to have something besides a toilet to rest against.

“This isn’t fun at all,” Hakyeon grumbled after a few minutes of silence. He couldn’t believe he’d said that to Jaehwan. How naive he’d been, to think this would be fun.

“Not right now,” Taekwoon agreed softly, kissing his hair. “But it’ll get better, honey. I promise.” Taekwoon had taken a liking to calling him “honey.” He said it was because Hakyeon smelled like honeysuckle. Hakyeon smiled just a little, because he liked that nickname and it made him feel warm. His stomach still felt like hell though, and he was getting tired of sitting on the hard bathroom floor.

Taekwoon helped him to his feet, and held him up as he rinsed his mouth, because Hakyeon felt too weak and shaky to stand on his own right now. Then the alpha led him to the bedroom, and helped him lie down. Taekwoon brought a bucket into the room, just in case Hakyeon had to thrown up again. Then he lay down beside Hakyeon, cuddling up to him. He began to pet his hair, because even after years, that gesture was still soothing and comforting to the omega.

Hakyeon was glad now that he’d already had to take his pregnancy leave from the company. He hadn’t wanted to at the time, but even the best ice skaters fell sometimes, and when they did, they fell hard. Hakyeon couldn’t risk a hard fall right now, so he’d had to take some time off. Luckily Sejeong had understood, and assured him he’d still be her principle skater when he was ready to come back. Taekwoon, though…

“Don’t you have work today?” Hakyeon murmured. As much as he was enjoying this cuddling and petting, he didn’t want to keep Taekwoon from his job. The alpha just kissed his forehead.

“I took the day off,” he said softly. “You need me more right now.”

“Is that okay?” Hakyeon murmured. “I know you’re planning to take some leave once the baby is born…it’s not too much?”

“Not at all,” Taekwoon promised. “I own that hospital. I could be taking off a lot more time than I am.”

“Then why don’t you?”

“Because I think the work is important,” Taekwoon replied with a shrug. But then he gave Hakyeon a gentle smile, and another forehead kiss. “But you’re the most important. So I’m staying home today, and tomorrow too if you need it.” Despite how sick he still felt, Hakyeon couldn’t help but smile. He knew how lucky he was, to have a mate that could afford to do this (and wanted to do it). Maybe he was sicker than he’d ever been right now, but he was still lucky.

“Thank you,” Hakyeon whispered. He closed his eyes, tucking his head to Taekwoon’s chest. “I love you.” He felt soft lips brush his hair.

“I love you too.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Taekwoon grumbled to himself as he pulled into the driveway, back home. Most days he was glad to be running the hospital, proud of everything he’d done since taking it over. But a meeting on a Saturday morning? That was just cruel. Wasn’t being the owner supposed to free him from stuff like this?

Taekwoon got out of his car and closed the door a little harder than necessary. It was Saturday afternoon now, almost evening. Weekend mornings were him and Hakyeon time, always, and he was in a bad mood thinking about all the quality time he’d missed with his mate. They were both so busy during the week, weekends were precious to them. Next time he’d just reschedule the meeting, he decided. He could do that. He was the director of the whole hospital—he could do whatever he wanted, right?

Taekwoon knew that wasn’t quite true, that he still had a whole board of directors to answer to, but he ignored that as he approached the front door. Taekwoon walked in and took off his shoes, pausing to listen for Hakyeon. The omega wasn’t in the living room, it seemed, or the kitchen. He loved their new yard and spent a lot of time out there, reading or drawing or planting flowers, so he checked there next. But no, he wasn’t outside either. That was a bit odd. He wouldn’t normally be upstairs this time of day. All that was upstairs were bedrooms and bathrooms. But Taekwoon went up anyway, just to check. He was grumpy about missing his morning with Hakyeon and wanted to make up for it now.

Taekwoon was starting to think Hakyeon had gone out somewhere and forgot to tell him, when he checked their bedroom just in case. He paused in surprise, stopping in place when he saw a large pile of what looked like blankets on the bed. He took a step closer, and cooed under his breath.

Taekwoon had heard that omegas liked to nest, but he’d never seen Hakyeon do it before. That had to be what this was, though, since he was surrounded in Taekwoon’s things. He had the blankets from their bed, Taekwoon’s pillow, that blanket from the living room that the alpha liked to snuggle under when they watched TV. It seemed he’d even dragged some of Taekwoon’s sweaters from the hamper, ones that must smell strongly of him, and he’d even taken Taekwoon’s towel from the bathroom, just to give himself another soft item that smelled like the alpha.

Taekwoon put a hand to his heart, eyes welling just because this had to be the cutest thing he’d ever seen. Hakyeon was so bundled up that only his nose and up were visible. He seemed to have fallen asleep, napping comfortably in his nest. Taekwoon got out his phone, making another involuntary cooing noise. He took about a dozen pictures, and by the end his cheeks were starting to ache from smiling so much. He tucked his phone away and took a seat on the floor, resting his cheek on the edge of the bed and smiling some more as he watched Hakyeon sleep. He gazed fondly at the omega, touched to see how much Hakyeon seemed to take comfort in being surrounded in his scent. He might’ve sat there admiring him for an hour before Hakyeon finally stirred.

The omega made a sleepy little noise, causing Taekwoon to coo again, and opened his eyes. He blinked sleepily, too tired to notice the alpha at first. He yawned, and stretched a little, the action upsetting some of the cocoon he’d made. When he noticed he pulled the blanket close to himself again, snuggling back into the nest. Taekwoon was sure he was about to melt from too much uwu, so he shifted a little, making just enough noise to let Hakyeon know he was there. The omega looked, eyes widening when he saw him. Taekwoon gave him a warm smile.

“Hi, Yeonnie,” he said softly. “Sleepy today?”

“A little,” Hakyeon murmured, voice muffled by the blankets. His lids were still droopy. “When did you get home?”

“A little while ago,” Taekwoon said, standing. He kept his voice soft, since it just seemed to fit the atmosphere in here right now. He sat on the edge of the bed, unable to stop smiling. “I’ve never seen you nest before.” Hakyeon glanced down at the pile of blankets, cheeks flushing a bit. He seemed a little embarrassed, so Taekwoon just nuzzled him, letting him know through the bond that he thought it was the most precious thing he’d ever seen. Hakyeon relaxed.

“I blame the baby,” he murmured. Taekwoon just kissed his cheek, wanting so badly to snuggle him.

“May I come in?” Taekwoon asked, unable to keep the fond amusement from his voice. Hakyeon seemed to consider it for a moment, before pushing back some blankets so Taekwoon could join him. Taekwoon cuddled up to him, replacing the blankets to keep the nest in tact before hugging Hakyeon tight. The omega sighed in content, relaxing into the embrace. “Does this make it better?” Hakyeon nodded.

“Now it’s perfect,” he murmured, closing his eyes again as he let Taekwoon wrap him up.

Whether or not the baby was the reason Hakyeon had started nesting in the first place, it certainly seemed to be having an affect on him, because after that day he seemed to do it a lot. Most of the time Hakyeon would make a nest in their bed, but on occasion when he wanted to watch TV or something, he’d make one in the big armchair they had in the living room.

Despite the fact that he was used to it now, Taekwoon still found it adorable every time. He’d sit and watch with an amused, fond smile as Hakyeon ran around the house, dragging blankets and pillows, pulling sweaters from the hamper, taking his towel from the bathroom, and piling them all on the bed or in the chair. Taekwoon had offered to help once, but Hakyeon had given a little growl, and he took that to mean that the omega wanted to make it himself. So he just sat back and watched, his heart swelling every time when Hakyeon snuggled into the pile of soft things, looking so cute bundled up that Taekwoon swore one of these days he was going to melt.

Another new development, though, was the clean-up. When the need passed and Hakyeon left his little nest, Taekwoon often found himself being the one to clean it up. Putting blankets and pillows back on their bed, putting his sweaters back in the hamper, hanging his towel in the bathroom…Hakyeon may want to set it up himself, but he didn’t seem to mind Taekwoon putting it away, so long as he was done with it. Taekwoon didn’t really mind, though. It was fun, to see all the things Hakyeon had grabbed for his nest, and he always enjoyed going through them as he put everything away. Besides, at least part of the reason Hakyeon was doing this was because of their baby, and Taekwoon figured…well, Hakyeon was growing a whole human inside of him right now. That was no small feat, and he was doing it for both of them. The least Taekwoon could do in return was put away some blankets and sweaters for him. So he’d hum to himself and smile as he cleaned up a nest, and watch with the same fondness the next time Hakyeon made a new one. He even started wearing more sweaters, and then leaving them near the hamper rather than in it so Hakyeon wouldn’t have to go digging. He bought another blanket, too, and made sure to use it a few times so it would smell like him, just so Hakyeon would have enough material when he wanted it.

Most of the time, cuddling Taekwoon would help ease whatever instinct it was that was making Hakyeon want to nest, so he didn’t make them as much on weekends. But on days when they spent several hours apart, Taekwoon often came home to find a bundle of blankets and soft things somewhere in the house. Taekwoon thought at one point about just leaving the nest, so Hakyeon could come back and use it whenever he wanted. But that would leave them with no pillows and blankets on their bed, and besides, the omega seemed to take some enjoyment from making them. So Taekwoon resigned himself to picking up after his mate, at least for the next several months.

Taekwoon had asked some specialists at his hospital, and learned that Hakyeon would probably stop being so nest-crazy once the baby was born.

“He’ll still want to make them now and then, especially near his heat, but this almost-everyday thing will probably fade once the baby’s born,” one omega-health specialist had assured him. Not that Taekwoon minded all that much—he still found it adorable, and putting them away only took a few minutes. But it was still good to know that he wouldn’t have to wear sweaters forever. He wanted to make sure Hakyeon had enough material, so he wore sweaters and other soft shirts almost every day now, so his scent would soak into them. But it was going to be awfully hard to do that when summer came, so it was good to know Hakyeon would cool down eventually.

Still, when Taekwoon came home that day, he headed right to the bedroom, knowing what he’d find. He’d been out all day, so it was no surprise to find Hakyeon bundled up, reading a book this time instead of napping. Taekwoon smiled at him, then crossed the room to their hamper and slipped off his sweater. Hakyeon had only taken about half the pile for his current nest, so Taekwoon folded his sweater and set it on the stack he’d made for his mate. When he turned he saw Hakyeon watching him, eyes lit with interest as they traced the alpha’s bare torso.

“Hey. Hey Taekwoon,” Hakyeon said, sitting up a little and dislodging the blankets a bit. He sounded very upbeat all of the sudden. “Come have sex with me!” Taekwoon blinked.

“What? Right now?”

“Yeah!” Hakyeon insisted, pushing aside a few blankets to make room for the alpha to join. “Come on, it’ll be the coziest sex you ever had.” Taekwoon laughed and approached the bed. He never could say no to Hakyeon. He did still have to ask, though.

“Well alright. You know I’m always down for that. But why all of the sudden?” he asked as he crawled into bed.

“Cause you look damn hot when you take your shirt off,” Hakyeon said with a shrug. Taekwoon laughed again, even while he flushed a bit with pleasure at the compliment. “And, if we do it on top of all these things they’ll smell even more like you!” he added brightly. At that, Taekwoon didn’t know how he hadn’t turned into a puddle yet with all the times Hakyeon had made him melt in the last few weeks. He couldn’t help but coo.

“You like my scent that much?” he murmured, leaning in to kiss the omega’s neck.

“I love it,” Hakyeon promised. His lids fluttered closed, a blissful smile spreading across his face as the alpha kissed him. When it was time they moved so Hakyeon was on top, so that it was Taekwoon’s skin touching the blankets and soft items, so it would be his scent that really soaked into everything. Hakyeon smiled down at him, letting the alpha’s pleasured expression warm him up. They came together, something they were able to do often thanks to the bond. When they’d caught their breath Taekwoon pulled him down for a long, deep kiss.

When they finally parted, and Taekwoon left to get a washcloth to clean them both up, Hakyeon gathered up some of his nest and pressed the cloth to his nose. He closed his eyes, smiling as he inhaled. It smelled like Taekwoon was right here with him, and it was perfect.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Taekwoon awoke to a heavy sigh and rustling sheets. He blinked sleepily; it must still be the middle of the night because everything was dark. He realized it must’ve been Hakyeon’s tossing and turning that awoke him, as he could tell immediately that the omega was restless. They usually slept cuddled against each other, but now Hakyeon was spread out on his side of the bed, and Taekwoon watched as he rolled over again, seeming frustrated.

“Can’t sleep?” Taekwoon whispered. Hakyeon jumped.

“Sorry. Did I wake you up?” the omega asked. Taekwoon just reached out to run a hand up and down his arm, a soothing gesture.

“What’s wrong? You seem restless.”

“I can’t sleep,” Hakyeon murmured.

“Anything I can do to help?”

“Well…technically, but it would be a big inconvenience…” Hakyeon admitted. Taekwoon just kissed his cheek.

“Nothing’s an inconvenience. You’re carrying a whole baby right now—our baby. I want to do everything I can to make it easier for you. I mean, all I had to do to get that baby was have sex. Doesn’t seem fair to make you do all the rest of the work.” Hakyeon laughed softly.

“You can’t help that. Your body can’t carry a baby.”

“Still,” Taekwoon said with a shrug. “Anything I can do to help, I’ll do it. I promise, honey.” Hakyeon smiled a little. “Now what’s wrong?”

“Well…I just…I _really_ want a pineapple,” Hakyeon said at last. Taekwoon couldn’t help but laugh. He’d thought it would be a more serious problem than that.

“I guess the cravings don’t care if it’s three in the morning, do they?”

“Nope,” Hakyeon grumbled. “I tried to go back to sleep, but…Taekwoon, I just can’t! I just want, like, a whole pineapple. Right now.” Taekwoon smiled, leaning in to give him a kiss.

“Alright. I’ll go get you some pineapple.” He threw back the sheets and stood. Hakyeon watched as Taekwoon pulled a sweatshirt over his bare chest, and put on some socks.

“You’re the best mate ever!” Hakyeon called as Taekwoon left. Taekwoon chuckled to himself. It wasn’t ideal, getting up at three in the morning to get his mate a pineapple. But Hakyeon needed to sleep, and if this would help him rest, it was worth it.

They had no pineapple in the house, so Taekwoon had to drive to a nearby, 24-hour convenience store. They didn’t have any whole pineapples, but they had some packaged pineapple slices in the refrigerated section. Taekwoon grabbed one box and turned to go. But then he paused. Hakyeon had said he wanted a whole pineapple…one box might not be enough. Just to be safe, Taekwoon grabbed two.

The cashier was a beta woman, and looked quietly amused as she scanned the items.

“Midnight snack?” she asked. Taekwoon just smiled tiredly.

“Hey, when your pregnant mate wants pineapples, you get up and go get pineapples. No one was going back to sleep until he got them.” The cashier laughed.

“Well, it’s very sweet of you to go out so late to get them for him,” she said as she put the boxes in a bag. Taekwoon just shrugged.

“As long as he’s happy, I don’t mind,” he promised. The woman’s amused smile turned warm, and she told him he had a lucky mate. Taekwoon wished her a good night, and hurried home. He wanted to get back to bed, and he also wanted to see Hakyeon’s smile when he brought him the fruit.

When Taekwoon got back, he found Hakyeon sitting up in bed, sketching on a pad of paper with a look of deep concentration. Taekwoon approached him, expecting to see flowers, or maybe an animal. The omega was a great artist, and his favorite things to draw were nature-oriented. But when Taekwoon saw the sketch he was working on now, he couldn’t help but laugh. Hakyeon had drawn a whole basket of pineapples.

“Here,” Taekwoon said, holding out the bag. “These are better than a drawing.” Hakyeon looked up, eyes wide. He took the bag, and when he pulled out the packaged pineapple, and Taekwoon saw Hakyeon’s expression, he decided it had been well worth going out at three in the morning. Hakyeon smiled like Taekwoon had given him a chest of gold, and gave a happy little squeak as he threw his arms around the alpha. Taekwoon’s heart fluttered, and he grinned as he hugged him back. Hakyeon’s belly was round now, and the alpha couldn’t help but feel a little burst of happiness whenever he felt it. He hugged Hakyeon as tight as he could without making him uncomfortable.

When Hakyeon pulled back he opened one of the boxes, and quickly began to munch. Taekwoon slid behind him and began to rub his shoulders, wanting to make sure Hakyeon was as happy and relaxed as possible so he could sleep.

“Thank you, Taekwoon,” Hakyeon murmured. “I really appreciate everything you’ve done.” Taekwoon had been so caring throughout the pregnancy. He rubbed Hakyeon’s feet and shoulders every night, because those were the places that were sore due to the weight of the baby. He accommodated Hakyeon’s weird food requests, and stuck strictly to the diet Hakyeon was on so the omega wouldn’t be the only one who couldn’t enjoy certain foods. And he supported Hakyeon’s new nesting habit by wearing sweaters every day and cleaning them up when he was done.

“I appreciate everything you’re doing,” Taekwoon replied, kissing his cheek. “I love you more than anything, and I’m gonna love this baby more than anything…I don’t know what to do with myself except dote on you. It’s the only way I can handle all this love.” Hakyeon laughed, leaning into Taekwoon and tipping his cheek to request another kiss. Taekwoon gave it to him, and Hakyeon offered him a piece of pineapple as a thank you.

Taekwoon ate one piece of pineapple, and Hakyeon ate the rest. By the time both boxes were empty, his craving was satisfied, and he was feeling much better. He lay back down, cuddling up to Taekwoon as soon as the alpha lay down too. Hakyeon closed his eyes, relaxing as Taekwoon began to stroke his hair. He could definitely sleep now.

“You’re the best mate ever,” Hakyeon murmured, already beginning to drift off.

“Only because I married the best mate ever,” Taekwoon replied. Hakyeon smiled, snuggling closer. He couldn’t get quite as close as he wanted, because his now-round belly was in the way, but he could tuck his head to Taekwoon’s chest, and that was enough. He fell asleep with a smile on his face.

 

 

 

 

 

  

Hakyeon looked up, smiling when he saw Taekwoon enter the room. Hakyeon set down his paint brush, figuring the alpha had come to fetch him for lunch. He and Taekwoon had been setting up the nursery together, but Taekwoon had left about half an hour ago to make them lunch.

Taekwoon smiled too. He held out a hand, and helped Hakyeon to his feet. His belly was quite big now, and sometimes getting up from the floor on his own was hard. When Hakyeon was up, he gestured proudly to the wall.

“What do you think?”

“It’s beautiful,” Taekwoon replied, sliding an arm around his waist. They had painted most of the nursery together, choosing soft blues and greens because Hakyeon had said he wanted a nature feel to the room. Now the omega was painting a mural on one wall, a beautiful depiction of a beach and the ocean, with a castle in the distance. Taekwoon had known Hakyeon was a good artist, but he was still impressed by just how well it was turning out. “This is amazing, honey. Our baby’s gonna have the best nursery in the city.”

“Damn right she is. Especially once I get that pink bedding for the crib—I’m gonna make it look like a strawberry patch,” Hakyeon said brightly. Taekwoon laughed.

“You just want to raise our baby in the woods, don’t you?”

“Hey, it would make her a survivor,” Hakyeon said with a shrug. Taekwoon chuckled again, and kissed his cheek.

“Come on, come have lunch. I bet your back is starting to hurt from painting so much.”

“Well, now that you mention it…” Taekwoon could sense it through the bond. It wasn’t severe, but Hakyeon’s back was starting to hurt, and he wanted to encourage his mate to take a rest. So after lunch Taekwoon convinced Hakyeon to lie down on the couch with him for a while and relax. The omega ended up falling asleep, head resting on Taekwoon’s chest.

Taekwoon smiled as he watched him, humming softly as he rubbed a gentle hand over Hakyeon’s belly. Hakyeon was beautiful every moment, but when he slept like this, with that peaceful expression on his face, looking at him made Taekwoon’s heart sing.

Sometimes, in quiet moments like these, Taekwoon would reflect on just how far they’d come together. They’d changed their country, maybe even the world…sometimes Taekwoon couldn’t believe where he was. It was almost scary, sometimes, to think about how happy he was, because it didn’t seem sustainable.

But it was. Because Hakyeon was right there with him, and they shared their happiness. They kept it going, and Taekwoon had meant it when he told Hakyeon he didn’t know what to do with his emotions anymore, because he loved Hakyeon and he loved their unborn baby and it was a little too much to contain sometimes. It was the best kind of overwhelming, though, and hugging Hakyeon always helped. So Taekwoon hugged him now, and kissed his hair. Hakyeon made a soft, sleepy noise, and Taekwoon cooed under his breath. Hakyeon was beautiful, but he was adorable too.

Taekwoon’s eyes traced his face, gaze loving, before dropping to the bite on his neck. Taekwoon’s smile faded a bit. The scar had faded over the years, but it was still visible. They were going to have to explain that to their baby one day. They were going to have sit down and tell her what happened, and why.

Taekwoon didn’t want to do that. He didn’t want Hakyeon to have to go through that. It made him sad, for a moment, to think about the world they were bringing their baby into. It was still so corrupt, and imperfect. She’d be innocent to all that at first, but as she got older, she’d learn. Taekwoon didn’t want her to learn about painful things.

But he supposed there was no choice, and at least…at least she’d have him and Hakyeon to teach her. At least she’d be born into a better world than the one Hakyeon and Taekwoon had grown up knowing. At least learning about Hakyeon’s scar would teach her that her parents were strong, and she could be too.

So despite his momentary sadness, Taekwoon soon found himself smiling. The thought of raising someone who could continue what they’d started, and help make the world better…that was exciting. It was something to look forward to.

Taekwoon leaned down, pressing his lips to Hakyeon’s bite, and closed his eyes. He focused on opening the bond, and sending a wave of deep love and affection to Hakyeon, so he’d feel it in his sleep. Taekwoon heard a soft, happy sigh, and when he raised his head Hakyeon was smiling. He was still asleep, but he snuggled closer to Taekwoon unconsciously, and the alpha could tell his dreams were now sweet.

Taekwoon kissed Hakyeon’s forehead, and began to rub the omega’s belly again, running his hand over the curve of it. Goddess, he was so beautiful, in every way…Taekwoon couldn’t wait to have a family with him. He rested his cheek against the top of Hakyeon’s head and closed his eyes, deciding he’d like a nap too. When he woke up he’d make Hakyeon dinner, maybe that banana pizza the omega had been craving lately (Taekwoon had learned to take the weird cravings in stride, and just make his own half of the pizza without bananas). Hakyeon could take a bath to soothe his sore back, and after dinner they could cuddle and watch TV. When they went to bed they’d have a little fun, because they still had ways to make love comfortably despite the baby bump.

And best of all…when they went to sleep, Taekwoon could hold Hakyeon all night long, wrap himself in that honeysuckle scent he loved and know that, as long as he had Hakyeon in his arms, he was exactly where he wanted to be.


	3. Enough

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry to everyone for taking so long to update. Time got away from me...but anyway, here's a new chapter at long last! Hope you enjoy it (warning: angst ahead)

 

 

Their baby came in the night, just one day before her due date. Hakyeon awoke in pain, the sheets damp between his legs. He shook Taekwoon, already gasping as the alpha sat up, then leapt up, grabbing the hospital bag they’d packed for Hakyeon and taking his hand, leading him right down to the car.

Taekwoon drove them to the hospital, his hospital. Because he owned it he’d naturally insisted that Hakyeon get the best care they could offer, so they gave him their best room and called in their best doctor.

It took hours for the baby to come, and Taekwoon was sure nothing in his life had ever been harder than seeing Hakyeon in so much pain. He’d never heard the omega scream like that, and it broke his heart. But he sat at Hakyeon’s bedside and held his hand, the whole time. He wiped the sweat from Hakyeon’s forehead, and murmured soft words of encouragement. Hakyeon was so exhausted near the end that he cried a little, so Taekwoon wiped the tears from his cheeks. He felt terrible, that Hakyeon had to go through all this for both of them, for their baby. Taekwoon thanked Hakyeon, telling him over and over how amazing and strong he was. Despite his exhaustion and pain, Hakyeon managed to give him a small smile then. Taekwoon smiled back, eyes damp, and squeezed his hand.

The doctor announced that the baby was crowning, and Hakyeon squeezed his eyes shut, the words “Push!” from the doctor and nurses drowned out by his scream. Taekwoon flinched, unable to stand hearing Hakyeon hurt like that—but then, all at once, it was over. Hakyeon went limp, panting hard. Taekwoon heard crying, and then the doctor held her up…his eyes flooded with tears.

They cleaned the baby and wrapped her in a blanket, and handed her to Hakyeon. Hakyeon was still panting, hair sticking to his forehead with sweat; but his eyes shone as he took her, glistening with overwhelmed, happy tears. Her face was red and squished like any newborn’s, but neither of them cared. She was perfect. Hakyeon looked at Taekwoon, a tear slipping down his cheek. Taekwoon returned his breathless smile, grinning and giving Hakyeon a passionate kiss.

“I’m so proud of you,” Taekwoon whispered to him as he looked at their baby in wonder. “You’re amazing. Thank you, Hakyeon. Thank you. I love you.” Hakyeon just squeezed his hand, too tired to speak. But his feelings through the bond were enough.

Their baby stopped crying quickly, and soon she was hungry. A nurse unlaced the front of Hakyeon’s hospital gown so he could nurse her. His eyes welled again, and he gave Taekwoon another speechless little smile. Taekwoon smiled back, kissing his cheek. Another nurse brought Hakyeon a tray of food, as he was starving after so many hours of labor. Hakyeon was too tired to eat it though, and he needed his hands to hold their baby while she nursed. So Taekwoon fed him, gently sliding each spoonful into his mouth, his gaze warm with love. He heard a couple nurses quietly cooing over them, and chuckled to himself. They were right, he and Hakyeon _were_ adorable. It certainly explained how they’d produced such an adorable baby.

When both Hakyeon and their baby were done eating, the nurses gently took her away for some tests, and so Hakyeon could rest. Taekwoon made sure Hakyeon drank plenty of water before allowing the omega to scoot over, so he could climb into the bed. Taekwoon lay down beside Hakyeon, wrapping the omega in his arms. Hakyeon was drenched in sweat, and he looked as exhausted as Taekwoon had ever seen him; but he’d also never been more beautiful.

Taekwoon kissed his forehead as Hakyeon closed his eyes. The omega was asleep in moments, comfortable cuddled in Taekwoon’s arms. It wasn’t the most comfortable for Taekwoon, sharing a hospital bed, especially since he’d made sure to leave Hakyeon most of the room. But he couldn’t care less right now. After everything Hakyeon had been through in the last several hours, after what he’d done for them both, Taekwoon needed to hold him. He closed his eyes too, hugging Hakyeon tight. He loved him so much; _so_ much. And he loved their baby too…Taekwoon couldn’t wait for what lay ahead.

But for now, he was tired too, having stayed up all night with Hakyeon. So he touched his forehead to Hakyeon’s, and fell asleep with a smile on his face.

 

When they woke up, it was to a whole room of excited family. Hakyeon’s parents had both come, and Taekwoon’s mother. They cooed and fussed over the baby, Taekwoon’s mother saying how excited she was to finally be a grandma. Later Hakyeon’s siblings visited, all similarly excited. The last one to visit was Taekwoon’s Aunt Yerin.

Years ago, one of the first successes of Hakyeon’s movement was to change divorce laws in their country, making it so that omegas could finally initiate a divorce in their marriage. Taekwoon had gone right to his aunt, and convinced her to leave her abusive husband. It had always made Taekwoon deeply sad and angry to think about what that alpha did to her. His aunt had been afraid at first, because she had no income of her own and nowhere to go. Taekwoon offered her a job at his hospital, and to pay for an apartment for her until she could afford it on her own.

So she left her husband, and had been working at the hospital for years. She could afford her own place now, and Taekwoon had never, not in all his life, seen his aunt so happy. It brought him so much joy, and relief. She was like his second mother, and to finally have been able to help her meant the world.

Hakyeon was asleep when she came to visit, and Taekwoon didn’t want to wake him. So he and his aunt spoke in whispers. Her eyes glistened with happy tears as she held the baby.

“We named her after you, you know,” Taekwoon whispered. He and Hakyeon had agreed on it before the baby was even born. Yerin was the first person to show Taekwoon what it meant to be kind, the first person to teach him how omegas should really be treated. He felt he owed so much to her, and he loved her deeply. Hakyeon had been happy to agree, because he’d gotten know Yerin over the years, and he loved her too.

“Really?” she whispered, eyes wide. Taekwoon nodded.

“Yeri. That’s her name. Almost the same as yours.” He smiled, his heart moved by the tears gathering in his aunt’s eyes.

“Why me?” she whispered.

“Because we wanted to name our baby after someone strong—someone she can look up to,” Taekwoon said. Yerin pressed a hand over her mouth, the tears slipping free. Taekwoon hugged her gently, minding the baby between them.

“We love you,” he murmured. He knew his aunt had always wanted children, but her husband hadn’t, so she hadn’t been allowed to have any. He knew how much it meant to her, what they’d named their baby, and the promise he’d made that she would get to be a part of Yeri’s life, to watch her grow up. Taekwoon looked around the room, thinking about just how much he loved everyone in it. He was lucky to be here; and he couldn’t wait to take their baby home.

 

The day they left the hospital, they were greeted with a celebration. When they reached the bottom floor, they found the entrance lobby to the hospital decorated, with a giant banner over the front doors that said, “Congratulations!” Taekwoon laughed as a few doctors ran up and threw confetti on him. Hakyeon was in a wheelchair (since hospital rules said he had to leave in one), and holding Yeri, who was bundled in a soft pink blanket. They didn’t throw confetti on him, so as not to upset the baby, but they did give him a gift basket. It was full of items, for both him and the baby. Bath salts and herbs so he could take healing baths, things to help him relax, a few baby toys and clothes…Hakyeon thanked them, unable to stop smiling. It seemed the whole hospital had gathered to send them off, wishing them well. Taekwoon supposed it made sense. The birth of the director’s first baby was a big deal.

Taekwoon was taking some leave from work, so that he could be with Hakyeon and their new baby. The doctors and nurses wished him well on his break, and wished Hakyeon a fast recovery. When they got to the car, and put Yeri in her new carseat, Hakyeon turned to Taekwoon.

“Wow. That was a lot.”

“But all in good spirit,” Taekwoon agreed, kissing him. “Ready to go home?” Hakyeon nodded.

“Very.” So they climbed into the car, and took their new baby home for the first time.

 

The first day was exhausting, but still wonderful. They first time they put Yeri in her crib, Hakyeon and Taekwoon both squealed, delighted at how cute she was. She was hungry every two hours or so, so Hakyeon found himself sitting on the couch or in his nursing chair a lot. Taekwoon made him an elaborate dinner, all his favorites, saying Hakyeon had earned anything he wanted to eat after that birth.

Hakyeon enjoyed his dinner with Taekwoon while Yeri slept, unable to take his eyes off his mate for more than a few moments. Taekwoon was the same, and they spent most of the dinner staring at each other in adoration. Even Hakyeon knew it was mushy, but he didn’t care. He loved Taekwoon so much right now, and he loved their baby. He was excited to be a parent.

 

 

 

Or at least...Hakyeon thought he was. A few days after bringing Yeri home, Taekwoon walked into the nursery to find Hakyeon sitting in his nursing chair, Yeri in his lap. She’d fallen asleep. Hakyeon wasn’t rocking, or even looking at her. He was just staring out the window, gaze blank, almost…almost sad. Taekwoon frowned in concern and knelt beside him.

“Hakyeonie?” Hakyeon blinked, tearing his eyes from the window to look at Taekwoon.

“Hm?”

“Are you alright?” Taekwoon asked. Hakyeon blinked again, and looked down at Yeri.

“Oh. Yeah, I’m fine.” He seemed to have just noticed that she was asleep. He stood, and gently laid her in her crib. “I’m uh…gonna go take a nap.” Taekwoon let him go, but something in the bond made a nagging worry settle in his gut. Something didn’t feel quite right.

That night when Taekwoon asked Hakyeon if he wanted to hold Yeri, the omega shook his head.

“I’ve been holding her a lot. You can take her for a while,” he said. Taekwoon knew that was a normal thing to say, and that Hakyeon _had_ been holding her a lot. But something still didn’t feel quite right. The TV was on, but Hakyeon didn’t watch it. He spent the rest of the evening staring out the window.

 

 

 

Something was wrong. For the first couple days after her birth, Hakyeon had been delighted with his new baby. He loved every moment with her. He loved nursing her, loving holding her, loved watching her little face as she slept. He felt a wave of deep love every time he saw her, and saw that same love reflected in his mate’s eyes. He felt as close to Taekwoon as he ever had, and close to his baby too.

But a few days after giving birth, that started to change. Hakyeon woke up feeling sad, and he wasn’t sure why. He knew why he felt tired—newborns needed attention throughout the night, after all—but why did his heart feel so heavy? He thought for sure the feeling would go away when he saw his baby, but it didn’t. For some reason looking at Yeri in her crib only made him feel worse. That bothered him, deeply—why should looking at his own baby make him feel bad? She was supposed to a source of joy. Hakyeon told Taekwoon what he was feeling, and the alpha promised him it was normal.

“You probably just have ‘baby blues,’” Taekwoon said, rubbing his back. “A lot of new mothers and omega dads experience it. Your body goes through big hormonal changes after giving birth, and it can easily make you feel down.” Taekwoon’s explanation made Hakyeon feel a little better. If it was just his body having hormone issues, then it wasn’t his fault. It was okay, because eventually his body’s hormones would return to normal and he’d start to feel better. Taekwoon said “baby blues” only lasted two weeks at most. So when Taekwoon told him that, he felt okay. He was sure it would pass, that it was just a normal, temporary symptom of childbirth. He’d been so happy and in love with his baby the first few days, how could he possibly keep feeling this down? He was sure it would pass.

But then two weeks went by, and three…and it didn’t pass. Hakyeon loved his baby, he _did…_ so why didn’t he want to hold her anymore? Why did it feel wrong when he did hold her, like he was doing it wrong, like he didn’t deserve to have her in his arms?

Hakyeon didn’t understand why looking at his baby made him feel distress instead of love. He and Taekwoon always told each other about their feelings, any time they were upset, but this time…this time he didn’t tell Taekwoon what he was feeling. How shameful was it, to be an omega who couldn’t look at his baby with unconditional warmth? But the alpha had the bond, and he knew Hakyeon well enough that he would know anyway.

For all that he loved him, Hakyeon was afraid Taekwoon would be disappointed. They’d both been excited and happy throughout the pregnancy. What had gone so wrong? But, as he always was, Taekwoon was understanding. He was gentle, and sympathetic.

“You have postpartum depression,” he’d told Hakyeon one night as the two sat on the couch, Yeri sleeping in Taekwoon’s arms because Hakyeon hadn’t felt right holding her. “It’s normal, Yeonnie. It’s okay.”

But Hakyeon didn’t feel normal, or okay. Sure, he’d spent most of his adolescence in depression, from the time he presented as an omega right up until adulthood, and sure Taekwoon said that that made him more at risk for what he had now, that it was normal and it wasn’t his fault…but try as he might, Hakyeon just couldn’t make himself understand. He’d been happy for years now, his life was good, and he’d been so excited during his pregnancy…it didn’t make sense.

Jaehwan had had a difficult childhood too, he’d been unhappy for a long time too, but he was elated to have his baby. He wanted to hold and cuddle her all the time, he talked about her non-stop, looking at her always made him smile…he was the perfect omega dad, the parent Hakyeon should be. Jaehwan could do it, so why couldn’t he?

 

 

Soon Hakyeon lost his appetite, and every night at dinner Taekwoon had to push him to eat.

“Please, Yeonnie. Your milk won’t be enough to feed Yeri unless you feed yourself,” Taekwoon said softly, taking his hand. That made Hakyeon eat, if only out of guilt. If he couldn’t love his baby right, he could at least feed her. He wouldn’t make his bad parenting worse and starve his own baby. So he ate, but he did it for her; not for himself.

It was getting harder and harder to get out of bed when Yeri cried at night, even if Hakyeon did want to help her. His body just felt so heavy, and even though he was so tired, he couldn’t sleep. Taekwoon did what he could, taking on as much of the baby care as he could. But Hakyeon still had to be the one to nurse Yeri, and besides, he felt bad pushing it all on Taekwoon. The alpha was tired too, from getting up to care for their baby, from doing all the cooking just to try to get Hakyeon to eat, and from worrying over Hakyeon…he was drained too, and Hakyeon didn’t want him to feel that way. So he tried to help, tried to split the baby care evenly so Taekwoon wouldn’t feel overwhelmed. But it wasn’t easy.

Taekwoon set him up with a therapist, but he had to push Hakyeon to go. He didn’t like going. The therapist was nice, and she tried to help; but Hakyeon still felt ashamed to talk about his feelings, and he didn’t like sharing them. She told him he shouldn’t feel guilty, but who was she to say that? She couldn’t hear the tired thoughts he had at night, couldn’t see the way he was a shadow compared to someone like Jaehwan, someone who was parenting right…when he came home he told Taekwoon the therapy was helping, because he didn’t want the alpha worrying about him anymore. He didn’t want to see that sad look in Taekwoon’s eyes when Hakyeon wouldn’t eat, or when he couldn’t hold their baby. But in truth, Hakyeon still didn’t feel any better.

 

 

On Taekwoon’s suggestion, Hakyeon scheduled a day with Jaehwan. The other omega came over, and brought his baby. Her name was Mimi, and she was absolutely adorable. Then again, with a parent like Jaehwan, she’d have to be. She and Yeri were too young to have a playdate, but Jaehwan called it that anyway. He and Hakyeon sat in the living room, watching their babies wiggle around in the playpen they’d put them in. Jaehwan laughed, his eyes sparkling.

“Yeri is so cute! She’s giving Mimi a run for her money.”

“Yeah,” Hakyeon agreed, hoping his voice sounded light and happy. “Taekwoon keeps buying her different animal onesies. I had her dressed like a puppy yesterday.” Today Yeri was in a tiny tiger costume, complete with a hood and ears. She looked unbelievably cute in it, and Hakyeon couldn’t understand why wasn’t cooing over her like Jaehwan was. She was so cute, and sweet…he ought to be a puddle of happiness looking at her, the way Jaehwan seemed to be any time he looked at Mimi.

“Hey, could I borrow one?” he asked then. “I’d love to see Mimi in a little animal costume.” Hakyeon agreed, and went upstairs to dig through Yeri’s clothes. He chose her unicorn onesie, knowing Jaehwan would squeal when he saw it.

Sure enough, the omega gave an excited squeal the moment Hakyeon brought it to him. He carefully put it on Mimi, and when he pulled the hood over her head, complete with a sparkly horn, gave another delighted squeal.

“She’s the cutest thing I’ve ever seen!” Jaehwan breathed, pure joy in his eyes. Hakyeon smiled, his own eyes stinging a bit. What Jaehwan was feeling right now…he wanted to feel it, wanted it so badly. Why couldn’t he?

At one point they switched, so that Jaehwan held Yeri and Hakyeon held Mimi. He looked down at her, at her big brown eyes that looked just like Jaewhan’s, and felt his heart stir with warmth. He loved this little baby, he couldn’t wait to be part of her life, to watch her grow up beside Yeri…Hakyeon stiffened. Yeri. Hakyeon didn’t think he’d looked at her like this in a while. Why was he looking at Mimi with more warmth than he looked at Yeri?

It bothered Hakyeon all day, and only when Jaewhan left did he figure out why: he could look at Mimi like that because she wasn’t his. He wasn’t responsible for her, didn’t have to be her world…he looked at Yeri, in her precious little tiger costume…and felt afraid. Right now, he wasn’t good enough to be her world. What if he could never be what she needed?

 

 

 

 

 

 

One night Taekwoon awoke around 3:00 A.M., not sure at first what had dragged him awake. Yeri wasn’t crying, so that couldn’t be it…but then Taekwoon realized the space next to him in bed was empty. Hakyeon had gotten up to feed Yeri a while ago, but he ought to be back by now…Taekwoon threw off the covers and stood, worry stirring in his gut. Hakyeon had promised Taekwoon that he was starting to get better, but the bond didn’t lie. He knew the omega was still struggling, and that he hated himself for it. It broke Taekwoon’s heart every time Hakyeon forgot to close the bond, and he was able to feel what the omega felt. Hakyeon loved their baby. He did. But he was too torn down by his sad and guilty feelings to see it clearly, and Taekwoon just wished Hakyeon could know that he wasn’t a bad parent, or a bad person.

It had taken a long time to build up Hakyeon’s image of himself, to make it positive; he’d spent so much of his life with confidence lower than the floor, in self-hatred, from the time he presented as an omega up until his first few months of marriage. It had taken so long for Taekwoon, and Jaehwan, and everyone around him, to help him see how wonderful he was. They’d done it eventually, and for the past few years Hakyeon had been able to see it, how wonderful he was. He was confident, and happy with himself, and nothing brought Taekwoon more joy than seeing Hakyeon smile, sure of himself and knowing his self-worth.

But ever since the baby, it seemed that confidence had crumbled, that his positive self-image had turned to ash. Hakyeon couldn’t seem to forgive himself for his feelings, and it broke Taekwoon to see him not want to eat at dinner, to see the guilt in his eyes when he looked at their baby. Taekwoon didn’t blame Hakyeon, and he’d tried letting the omega feel that, tried showing him through the bond so Hakyeon might learn not to blame himself. But so far, it hadn’t worked.

The moment Taekwoon entered the nursery, he heard soft crying—and not their baby’s. Hakyeon was sitting in the nursing chair they kept by her crib, bent over with his face in his hands, shaking with quiet sobs. Taekwoon’s eyes stung at the sight, because it hurt so much to see Hakyeon cry. But he wanted to be strong for him, so Taekwoon swallowed down his tears and approached. He knelt beside the chair, and began to rub a soothing hand up and down Hakyeon’s back.

“Did you feed her?” Taekwoon asked softly. Given that Yeri was now asleep in her crib, Taekwoon assumed that he had. But still he felt he had to check, because he was worried that Hakyeon’s depression might become so severe the he could no longer care for their baby. Taekwoon wished he could just do it all, and let Hakyeon have a break. But he wasn’t an omega, he couldn’t nurse her, and besides…Taekwoon would never admit it to Hakyeon, but he was exhausted, burnt out from the stress of everything that was happening. Still, if it would help Hakyeon feel better, he’d do anything.

Hakyeon nodded—he’d fed Yeri. So why hadn’t he come back to bed after?

“What’s wrong?” Taekwoon asked softly. Hakyeon just shook his head. “Please tell me, Yeonnie. I only want to help.” Taekwoon didn’t used to have to beg, to get Hakyeon to share. They used to tell each other everything. Hakyeon loosed a shuddery breath.

“Nursing is supposed to be bonding time,” he whispered. “Everyone said so, that it would make me feel so close to my baby…but I couldn’t feel it, Taekwoon. I just wanted to go back to bed, I couldn’t feel it.”

“Hakyeon, you’re exhausted,” Taekwoon said gently. “Of course you wanted to go back to bed. It’s not your fault that you’re tired.”

“But I never feel it anymore!” Hakyeon insisted. “Why can’t I feel it?”

“It’s okay, Hakyeon,” Taekwoon whispered, still rubbing his back. “It’s not your fault that you’re not feeling it right now. You will, eventually.” Hakyeon shook his head again.

“I just don’t understand,” he gasped. “I’m supposed to be happy! I’m supposed to love her and be happy and want to spend every moment with her…I don’t understand.” He raised his head, the tears on his cheeks glistening in the moonlight. Taekwoon made a soft sound of worry and pain, and gently pulled Hakyeon against him, wrapping the omega in his arms.

“…What’s wrong with me, Taekwoon?” Hakyeon whispered.

“Nothing,” Taekwoon promised, kissing his forehead. “You’re not the only omega to feel like this after giving birth.”

“But…I feel like I’m failing her.” Hakyeon’s voice was so soft, Taekwoon could barely hear it. “I’m failing you both. I’m failing as a parent.” Taekwoon just held him closer and rocked him.

“No you’re not,” he murmured gently. “You love our baby. I know you do, Hakyeon, I’ve seen the way you look at her. You just need some time to adjust. You’re not a bad parent. You just need a little time.” Hakyeon buried his face in Taekwoon’s shoulder, breathing in soft gasps. Was that all? He hoped so, hoped desperately that Taekwoon was right.

 

 

 

The next day Taekwoon was out, making a much needed grocery run, when Yeri began to cry. Hakyeon had been sitting on the couch, trying to read a book but unable to focus. He stood with a small, stressed sigh, and made his way to the nursery. He hoped it was something physical, that she needed a diaper change, or to be fed. Taking care of her physical needs was easy. It was the emotional needs, when she cried because she just needed attention, just wanted someone to hold her…Hakyeon could hold her then, but somehow he still felt like he didn’t know how to really give her what she needed.

Hakyeon entered the nursery, shoulders slumping in relief when he heard Yeri’s crying more clearly. She had a particular cry for when she was hungry, one that sounded a little different from her other ones, so Hakyeon could always tell when she wanted to be fed. Taekwoon had once told him he should be proud of that, trying to assure Hakyeon that it was proof that he was a good parent. Taekwoon couldn’t tell the difference between her crying. The fact that Hakyeon could made him attentive and caring, didn’t it? Hakyeon wasn’t so sure though. Maybe he was just more perceptive than Taekwoon.

Hakyeon gently lifted Yeri from her crib, patting her back as he held her to soothe her. She was crying her hungry cry, so all he had to do was feed her. Hakyeon was about to sit down in the nursing chair when he paused. He often fed her in the nursery, but something about it always made him uneasy. It felt stifling. This nursery was filled with things he’d picked out or painted on the walls, evidence of all the excitement and love he’d felt for his baby before she was born. This was her space, and it was supposed to be one of pure love and joy. The fact that he couldn’t feel that joy now made him guilty. He didn’t want to be in here right now.

But he wasn’t about to let his baby go hungry, so he decided to feed her somewhere else. Hakyeon carried her downstairs, not sure at first where he was going. He looked around the living room, wondering if he should sit on the couch, when movement caught his eye. A bird had flown past the window. It looked like a beautiful day outside. Hakyeon loved being outside.

So he took his baby outside, to their backyard. They had a comfortable, padded swing chair on the back porch, overlooking Hakyeon’s flower garden. He took a seat on the chair and unbuttoned his shirt. He was relieved when Yeri started to nurse, because it meant the crying stopped—it meant he’d been able to make it stop, at least this time. He touched one bare foot to the ground, and pushed, gently rocking the swing. It was a beautiful day, with a bright blue sky and a cool breeze keeping the temperature just right. The breeze ruffled his hair, carrying the scent of the flower garden. Hakyeon closed his eyes to appreciate it.

It was quiet outside, save for the gentle buzz of honeybees and the soft sounds Yeri made as she drank. It was peaceful. Hakyeon hadn’t felt this peaceful in a long time. He opened his eyes, looking down at his baby. He’d dressed her like a sunflower today, hoping the bright colors would lift his heart a bit. She looked like she belonged out here, like she could be another flower in his garden. Hakyeon thought about putting her in a soft, padded basket, setting it in the garden, and taking some pictures of her surrounded by flowers. They’d be the most adorable photos, especially if he put that flower headband he’d made for her on her little head…

Hakyeon realized with a jolt that he was smiling. A real smile. He hadn’t smiled a real smile in days. His eyes welled at the realization, and he wasn’t sure if it was happiness or sadness that made his vision blur. Maybe it was both. His breath hitched, and Yeri made a small, startled noise at the unexpected movement of his chest. Hakyeon gave a watery laugh—that was a cute noise. He could appreciate that she’d made a cute noise. He kissed the top of her head, and for the first time in a while, the action didn’t feel hollow.

Normally when Yeri finished feeding, Hakyeon would put her down. Nursing was supposed to be bonding time, and when he couldn’t feel that sense of bonding, it made him feel wrong—guilty. So when she was done feeding he’d put her down, in her crib or her playpen or wherever, and try to breathe through the tightness in his chest. But this time, when she finished feeding…he didn’t feel the need to put her down. She giggled after he burped her, and that was a cute sound too. It was warm and comfortable outside, still peaceful, and his baby felt warm in his arms…he didn’t really want to put her down, not yet.

So Hakyeon sat in the swing, rocking gently, and watched clouds pass in the sky. At some point he looked down, and realized the rocking of the swing had soothed Yeri to sleep. Her head rested in the crook of Hakyeon’s elbow, her small hand curled in a fist around his shirt. Hakyeon felt a strong wave of affection for her, the deep sort of love he’d felt when he first saw her after giving birth. The feeling made him happy, but it scared him too. It scared him because it might not last.

Goddess, he loved her so much…why couldn’t he be better for her?

Hakyeon heard the back door open, and then footsteps. Taekwoon must be home from the grocery store. The alpha sat beside him, the swing dipping under his weight. Hakyeon felt a gentle hand caress his cheek, wiping away a tear that he hadn’t even felt fall.

“What are you feeling?” the alpha murmured. He’d been slowly working on getting Hakyeon to share his feelings again, and the omega had been slowly getting better at it.

“…I love her so much,” Hakyeon whispered, still staring at her sleeping face. “And I was so happy to remember that, but…” He trailed off, voice wavering. Taekwoon slid an arm around him, pulling him close.

“Why are you scared?” Taekwoon murmured, wiping away another tear. He could sense Hakyeon’s fear.

“Because what if it doesn’t last?” Hakyeon said shakily. “I can already feel it slipping away…what if it never lasts?”

“It’ll last,” Taekwoon promised, hugging him gently. “You’re the strongest, most amazing person I know, Hakyeon. You always have been. I know how much it hurts right now, and I know you must be tired…but you can get through this.” Hakyeon sniffed, turning his face into Taekwoon’s shoulder. He’d stopped rocking the swing, so now Taekwoon did it for them, touching his foot to the ground and gently pushing the swing back and forth.

“Do you know what it was, that made you feel better for a bit?” Taekwoon asked after a while. “I’ve never seen you take her outside before…could that be it?” Hakyeon raised his head, his gaze trailing to the flowers. The sunlight, the gentle breeze, the plants…they _had_ made him feel better. Sharing all that with Yeri had made him feel peace, at least for a moment.

“Yeah,” Hakyeon murmured. “I think that was it.” Taekwoon smiled gently, kissing his cheek.

“Then spend some more time outside. I know how much you love being out here, but I’ve hardly seen you set foot outside since Yeri was born. Maybe some more time in the sun will help you.” Hakyeon was quiet for a moment.

“Mom always told me to stay out of the sun,” Hakyeon murmured at last, eyes still on the flowers. “She said it made my skin too dark.” Taekwoon ran a gentle hand through his hair and kissed his temple.

“I love your skin,” he murmured. “It’s beautiful. Just like every part of you.” He turned Hakyeon’s chin so the omega would look at him, and stroked a loving thumb over his cheek. “Spend some time in the sun, Yeonnie. Take Yeri with you when you plant flowers, or sit outside to read. Spending time with her while doing things you enjoy…I think it’ll help.”

“Really?” Hakyeon whispered. Taekwoon nodded.

“It’ll show you that she loves you no matter what, whether or not you’re holding her. It’ll show you that you don’t have to do anything special or different to be with her. Just being there is enough.” Hakyeon’s lip trembled. He didn’t know how much he’d needed to hear those words until Taekwoon said them. He tucked his face to the alpha’s shoulder again, breathing shaky. Taekwoon hugged him, rocking them both, for a long while.

Eventually Yeri woke up, and started to fuss. Hakyeon raised his head, wiping at his cheeks. Taekwoon could tell he was feeling a little overwhelmed, so he held out his hands.

“Here. I’ll take her for a while,” he said softly. So Hakyeon handed the baby to him. Taekwoon held her gently, giving Hakyeon another kiss before he stood. Just as he was about to go inside, Hakyeon said his name.

“Taekwoon.” The alpha paused and turned around. Hakyeon was looking at him with clear gratitude. “Thank you. I love you.” Taekwoon smiled.

“I love you too. Come inside when you’re ready, okay?”

“I will,” Hakyeon promised softly. Just before he went in the house, Taekwoon glanced back at Hakyeon. The omega was staring at the flowers again, and for the first time in a while, there was a little bit of light in his gaze. Taekwoon’s heart gave a hopeful flutter.

 

The next day Taekwoon brought home some new flowers for Hakyeon to plant in his garden. Hakyeon gave him a grateful kiss, because he really had been wanting new flowers. He was about to go outside to plant them when he paused. Yeri was in her playpen, not doing much…maybe he should take her with him.

So Hakyeon dressed her in a long sleeve shirt and long pants, put baby-safe sunscreen on her little hands and a hat on her head. Then he put her in her baby carrier (the plastic one with the handle, not the one that he could wear on his body), and took her outside. He set her carrier on the ground, right next to the garden, and readjusted her hat to make sure it was shielding her from the sun. Yeri made a cooing noise and flapped her arms. She seemed to like being outside.

At first Hakyeon felt like he had to focus on her, see what she needed, if there was something else he could be doing…but then he remembered Taekwoon’s words. All he had to do was be there. This was just a way to spend time with her. He could plant his flowers and she could rest there and it would be okay. He told himself that a couple times, until he was able to turn and begin to plant his flowers. Yeri stayed calm, occasionally kicking her feet or waving her arms. She was still too young to move much, so she seemed fine in the carrier. Hakyeon really did think she liked being outside. He ought to take her out more.

He’d planted two flowers when a butterfly fluttered past, and landed on Yeri’s nose. She gave a delighted squeal, but luckily the butterfly wasn’t too startled to leave. Hakyeon turned, eyes wide when he saw it. Without even thinking, he took out his phone and snapped a couple pictures. Yeri waved her hands, too excited to hold still, and the butterfly flew away. Hakyeon checked his phone quickly, and—yes, he’d gotten the pictures. He had a perfect image of the butterfly sitting on Yeri’s nose, her little eyes looking down at it. It was so cute, the cutest picture he’d ever seen…

Hakyeon looked up, smiling through damp eyes. He picked up Yeri from her carrier and hugged her, hugged her of his own volition. For the first time in a while, it felt good, right. Yeri made something between a coo and a gurgle, and Hakyeon took that to mean that she was happy. When he set her back down he decided to put her on the grass, rather than in her carrier, laying her gently on her tummy. She grasped at the grass, eyes wide with wonder.

Hakyeon remembered then what he’d been thinking, when he and Taekwoon decorated her nursery. He’d wanted it to feel like nature. He’d wanted her to love plants and fresh air and the stars just as much as he did. So why hadn’t he taken her outside more? Taekwoon was right. He should do this more.

So Hakyeon let Yeri play in the grass as he finished planting his flowers. She couldn’t really move around yet, so he didn’t have to worry about her wandering off. She stayed right by his side, making little noises and grabbing at the grass until it was time to go inside.

 

“Look at this picture I got!” Hakyeon said, excitedly showing Taekwoon the butterfly photo. The alpha was in the kitchen making them dinner. Taekwoon’s eyes lit up when he saw it.

“That’s the cutest thing I’ve ever seen!” he squealed.

“Right?” Hakyeon agreed. He smiled at the photo, and when he looked up, Taekwoon was looking at him. There was something soft in the alpha’s eyes, and only then did Hakyeon realize it—he’d been smiling at a photo of their baby. Smiling without any anxiety, or sadness…just smiling.

Now that he was aware of it, Hakyeon could already feel the anxiety returning, that sinking feeling in his gut. He’d felt the happiness, the bonding with Yeri for a moment though, and that meant something, right? It had to, Hakyeon needed it to mean something…Taekwoon hugged him gently.

“You’re getting there,” he whispered. “You’ll get there.” Hakyeon hoped he was right.

 

 

 

 

A few days later, Taekwoon convinced Hakyeon to take a night off and go out with Jaehwan. He said Hakyeon could use the break, and promised he’d be fine staying in with Yeri. In fact, Wonshik was bringing Mimi over so the two could have another “playdate,” and so the omegas could go out for the evening. So Hakyeon agreed.

Jaehwan picked him up outside Hakyeon’s house, driving that fancy car Wonshik had bought him for his birthday last year. It had taken a while, but they’d finally gotten a law passed that allowed omegas to drive, and he and Jaehwan had eagerly taken driver’s ed together. That was a few years back, and since then Jaehwan had loved cruising around in fancy cars and smirking at rude alphas.

Jaehwan dropped Wonshik and Mimi off, picked Hakyeon up, and cruised away. Taekwoon greeted Wonshik with a smile, and cooed over Mimi as the alpha brought her in. Their babies were still too little to really play (they couldn’t even crawl yet) but it was fun to lay them on their tummies and watch them babble nonsense at each other. Wonshik and Taekwoon sat on the couch, laughing and enjoying the babies for a while.

Eventually Wonshik pulled out a beer, and offered it to Taekwoon. Hakyeon and Jaewhan still couldn’t drink alcohol, since they were nursing, and Taekwoon had promised to keep from drinking too in support. But Hakyeon had given him permission to break that promise for a night, and Taekwoon had to admit he was relieved. They weren’t going to get drunk—they had babies to care for, after all—but one beer and a chance to relax sounded nice. So Taekwoon took it, and thanked Wonshik as he did.

They leaned into the couch, taking small sips and watching their babies, until Wonshik finally spoke.

“How’s Hakyeon doing?” he asked softly. Taekwoon had been confiding in him, since he couldn’t tell Hakyeon how drained he felt right now; it would only make the omega feel worse.

“I think he’s starting to do better,” Taekwoon murmured. “But it’s so hard to tell. Some days are good, and some are just…not good.” He sighed heavily, rubbing his eyes. “I learned all about postpartum depression in med school, and I knew Hakyeon was at risk given everything he’s been through, but…I was just hoping it wouldn’t be this bad.” His voice wavered a bit. He was so stressed, and exhausted…Wonshik came close, and slid an arm around him.

“I know I need to stay strong for him. But it’s so hard, Wonshik,” Taekwoon whispered, voice rough. “I can’t stand seeing him sad like this—he hates himself, and I don’t know what to do! And I know he’s doing what he can to care for Yeri, but it’s still so hard. She needs so much and I feel like I can’t give it all to her, but I can’t ask Hakyeon to take on more than he is or he might break. I just…I feel stuck. I don’t know what to do.” A few tears had slipped down his cheeks by now. He was just so tired, he needed to cry for a minute. Wonshik let him, rubbing his back.

“You’re doing your best,” Wonshik murmured. “Hakyeon knows that.”

“But it’s not enough,” Taekwoon whispered. “I just want him to be happy again. I want him to be able to enjoy his baby without feeling guilty. I want him to feel what I do when I look at her, instead of blaming himself for not being enough.” Wonshik hugged him until Taekwoon was able to stop crying, and pulled away to wipe his cheeks.

“Taek…when was the last time you Licked?” Wonshik asked after a while. Taekwoon looked down.

“Not since before the baby. Hakyeon hasn’t felt up to it.”

“Well…maybe you should get him to try,” Wonshik said softly. “You said you want him to feel what you do…that’s the best way to do it, isn’t it? If he hates himself right now, he probably doesn’t feel good about your image of him either.” Taekwoon’s head snapped up at that. Did Hakyeon feel that way? Taekwoon had told him over and over that he didn’t blame him, that he still loved him…but when Hakyeon was in such a dark emotional state, maybe words weren’t enough to break through.

“I didn’t think of that,” he admitted softly. Wonshik tried for a smile.

“Well, having a supportive partner makes any hard time easier to get through. Maybe if you can get Hakyeon to Lick, and he can see how you see him, he won’t feel so down about himself. Maybe you can even show him how you feel about Yeri, so he knows how good it would feel if he could feel that way too.” Taekwoon nodded slowly.

“It’s worth a try, I guess,” he said at last. He missed Licking with Hakyeon, missed it deeply. And if he could bring his mate some real comfort, for the first time in a while, he’d do anything.

 

 

Hakyeon and Jaehwan went to one of their favorite places—a dessert buffet. They still couldn’t drink, and they were too tired to dance, so a club was out of the question. But a dessert buffet was better anyway. Omegas were notorious for their love of sweets, which meant that places like this one were always filled with omegas. Alphas hardly ever came in, and when they did, they were usually on a date with their omega partner and never bothered anyone. It was a safe space for omegas, and a soothing one. The decor was cute, the dessert was great…Hakyeon was in slightly better spirits than usual as he sat across from Jaehwan, a plate of various cakes in hand.

“Goddess, I’m _so_ glad I can have full sex again!” Jaehwan said around a mouthful of cake. “You won’t believe what Shik and I did last night…” Jaehwan chattered on, Hakyeon smiling and trying to listen. He couldn’t help but feel a bit sad though, despite Jaewhan’s saucy story. He and Taekwoon hadn’t had sex in a while, even though Hakyeon was healed from the baby by now. He just…hadn’t felt up to it. He hoped Taekwoon didn’t resent him for it.

“Hakyeon.” Hakyeon blinked, realizing he’d zoned out. “Are you listening?” Hakyeon tried to smile.

“Yeah. Sorry Jae, you were saying…?” Jaehwan looked suspicious, but after a moment he went on. He filled the silence, chatting about Wonshik and Mimi; no one could chatter quite like Jaehwan. Ordinarily Hakyeon would chat with him, not just sit back and listen, but his mind was foggy tonight and he was finding it hard to focus. 

“Hakyeon.” Hakyeon jumped, realizing he’d zoned out again. His cake was gone. When had he eaten it? He thought Jaehwan might be mad that he wasn’t listening again, but the other omega just looked sad, and maybe a little worried.

“Let’s go somewhere quiet,” Jaehwan suggested. So they left the buffet, and Jaehwan took them to a park. It was his favorite one in the city, he told Hakyeon, leading him by hand to a stone bridge built over a small creek that ran through the park. The bridge was strung with yellow lights, and when it was dark like it was now, they reflected off the water beautifully. They looked like fireflies, and Hakyeon’s breath caught. He remembered the time Taekwoon took him skating for the first time, when he’d strung those golden lights through the trees, taken his hand, and helped him fly.

Hakyeon missed those days. He missed how easy it had been, to be with Taekwoon. These days being around the alpha made him feel guilty, and inadequate. He wasn’t fun to be around anymore, he knew that. Taekwoon tried so hard to make him smile, and Hakyeon tried so hard to smile for him; but the alpha knew when he was faking, and it only seemed to hurt him more. Hakyeon wished he could be what Taekwoon deserved.

He was pulled from his reverie when Jaehwan took his hand again, leading him below the bridge to sit on some rocks by the water. The park was empty, save for them, and the silence was nice.

“Don’t worry,” Jaehwan said as they sat. “If any alphas come by and try to mess with us, I’ve got a taser.” He pulled it out of his bag, proudly showing Hakyeon. Hakyeon did his best to smile, but Jaehwan saw through him just like Taekwoon. The other omega’s look turned soft, and he set the taser down.

“Hakyeon. What’s wrong?” Jaehwan asked softly. Hakyeon just sighed, looking at the firefly lights in the water.

“I don’t know,” he murmured.

“Taekwoon told me what you’ve been going through,” Jaehwan said gently. “You don’t have to pretend for me. You can tell me what’s wrong.”

“…I don’t know,” Hakyeon whispered again, because it was true. “I don’t know what’s wrong with me, I don’t know why I can’t—“ He cut himself off, shaking his head. Jaehwan took his hand and squeezed.

“You know it’s okay to feel like this, right?” Jaehwan tried. “It’s normal, it happens to lots of people—“

“It’s not okay!” Hakyeon snapped, harsher than he’d intended. Jaehwan drew back a bit. “Everyone keeps telling me that it’s okay, that it’s normal, that it’s not my fault. But it’s not okay! I can’t love my baby like I should, I’m putting too much pressure on Taekwoon, he’s exhausted and burned out and I can’t help him because I can’t even help myself and my family’s miserable and it’s my fault!” Hakyeon’s voice cracked. He hadn’t expected to explode like that, and it took more out of him than he would’ve thought. He curled up, arms wrapped tightly over his stomach. He felt sick.

“It’s my fault,” he whispered. Jaehwan scooted closer, and then Hakyeon found himself wrapped in a warm hug.

“It’s not your fault,” Jaehwan whispered. “No one blames you, Hakyeon, least of all Taekwoon. He loves you more than anything.”

“I know,” Hakyeon said shakily. “But that only makes me feel worse, because when I’m sad he’s sad, and I can’t get my shit together which means he’s always sad and he shouldn’t have to be—“ Hakyeon was breathing too fast, so Jaehwan shushed him.

“Hush, it’s okay,” he murmured, rocking. He allowed Hakyeon to catch his breath before going on. “Feeling guilty for being sad will only make you feel worse. You’re not gonna feel better until you can forgive yourself.” Hakyeon shivered.

“…But how am I supposed to do that?” he whispered. “I’m letting my baby down, I’m letting my mate down…how can I forgive that?” Jaehwan brushed his hair.

“Hakyeon, what is it that makes it so hard for you to be with Yeri?” he murmured.

“I don’t know.”

“I think you do,” Jaehwan said gently. “You’re scared. Why?” Hakyeon tried to find the words.

“Because…I…I’m not enough,” he managed at last.

“Enough for what? What would you have to do to be enough?” Jaehwan insisted. Hakyeon’s breath hitched.

“I just…I just want to give her everything I couldn’t have. I want to protect her from everything I had to go through…but what if I can’t?” Hakyeon looked up at Jaehwan, eyes glistening. “What if I fail, Jaehwan? She deserves so much, and I don’t think I can be what she needs…what if I can’t do it?” Jaehwan’s gaze was a strange mixture of soft and stern. He took Hakyeon’s hands.

“Hakyeon. You’re the reason our daughters get to grow up in a better world.” Hakyeon’s breath caught. “You’re the reason they’ll grow up learning to be kind, and empathetic, and to respect others. You’re the reason they’ll grow up with more freedom than we could’ve dreamed of when we were little. You’re the reason they don’t have to feel afraid of their class, no matter what they present as. You made a world our children can thrive in. You.”

“It wasn’t…just me,” Hakyeon said unsteadily. “All of us did…” Jaehwan shrugged.

“Maybe so, but you started it. You were the one who made it happen. You’re _amazing,_ Hakyeon. No child could ask for a better parent.” Hakyeon still looked uncertain, so Jaewhan went on, voice taking on a softer tone. “Do you remember years ago, the day after Taekwoon revealed how he knew you?” Hakyeon nodded slowly. “You were talking to me, trying to work through it, and you said you couldn’t imagine why Taekwoon would love you.” Hakyeon dropped his eyes. “You had such a low opinion of yourself, you couldn’t understand why Taekwoon would give anything to be with you. But we helped you see, he and I both helped you see, didn’t we?”

“…Yes,” Hakyeon murmured.

“You told me you Licked, and you saw yourself through Taekwoon’s eyes…remember how he sees you?”

“How he saw me,” Hakyeon corrected. “After all this, I don’t know if—“

“How he sees you,” Jaehwan said firmly. “He still sees you that way, trust me. And so do I. The only person who’s lost sight of how wonderful you are is yourself.” Hakyeon’s breath caught at that.

“And once she’s old enough,” Jaehwan went on gently, “Yeri will see you that way too. She loves you already, Hakyeon, and she doesn’t even know what love is. Once she’s able to speak, and think, and understand, she’s going to love you with all her heart. You don’t have to give her everything—no parent can. But if you love her, that’ll be enough.” Hakyeon shook his head, his eyes welling. He wasn’t enough, how could he ever be?

“And I know you already love her,” Jaehwan said, leaning in close. “So you’re already enough.” Hakyeon’s lip trembled. Jaehwan kissed him on the cheek, and hugged him tight.

 

 

When Hakyeon came home that night, he was surprised to find the house lit by candles. Taekwoon was burning some of his homemade candles, the ones he’d made to have soothing scents. The alpha was sitting on the couch, reading a book. When Hakyeon walked in Taekwoon smiled, eyes crinkling with genuine joy. He was still happy to see Hakyeon, even now. Hakyeon wasn’t quite sure why.

“You’re home,” Taekwoon said, setting down his book. He stood and approached Hakyeon, wrapping him in a warm hug. Hakyeon hugged back, because he’d missed this feeling, Taekwoon’s arms around him. Suddenly his feet left the ground, and he found himself scooped up into Taekwoon’s arms. Hakyeon gave a startled squeak. Taekwoon just laughed and kissed him, and began to carry him away.

“Where are you taking me, you kidnapper?” Hakyeon said, unable to keep the hint of a smile from his lips. He and Taekwoon hadn’t been spontaneous like this in a while. Taekwoon just smiled and kissed him again, carrying him up the stairs. Hakyeon decided to let it happen, because he liked how it felt to be curled against Taekwoon’s chest. He closed his eyes, admiring the alpha’s scent. When he opened them again, they were in the bedroom. Hakyeon’s eyes went wide. There was a nest on the bed, like the kind he used to make all the time when he was pregnant. He hadn’t made it himself, which meant…

“Did you make this?” Hakyeon asked, as Taekwoon gently laid him down in the nest. It was so soft, and the way it immediately wrapped him in Taekwoon’s scent…Hakyeon’s body relaxed involuntarily. He’d forgotten how nice it was, to be in one.

“I know you prefer to make them yourself, but I did my best to copy how you make them. I hope it worked,” Taekwoon said with a tentative smile. Hakyeon just nodded, speechless. It felt perfect. Hakyeon and Taekwoon both knew that it was common for omegas who’d recently given birth to make nests, that it was a comfort they tended to indulge in until their babies were at least a year or two old. But Hakyeon hadn’t made a single nest since Yeri was born. He’d wanted to, more than once, but he’d just felt too sad to find the motivation to go through with it. He wished now that he had. It felt so good to be in one, soft and warm and wrapped in Taekwoon’s scent…it made him feel safe. Taekwoon gave him such a soft, loving smile then…Hakyeon's heart fluttered.

“Will you join me?” he asked softly. Taekwoon’s eyes were warm.

“I was hoping you’d say that,” he admitted. He crawled into bed, and snuggled into the nest beside Hakyeon. Hakyeon closed his eyes, gripping Taekwoon’s shirt. It had been too long since he’d done this. He’d been so wrapped up in his guilt, in the thought of how much he was making Taekwoon worry, how much pressure he was putting on him…he’d forgotten what it was like to just _be_ with Taekwoon, to relax and be with him and breathe. He’d forgotten how immensely comforting it was.

Taekwoon used to be the person Hakyeon went to for comfort, the person he could always talk to…when had he started shutting Taekwoon out? Hakyeon realized then that that was probably what had been hurting Taekwoon the most—that Hakyeon no longer opened up to him, no longer came to him. Hakyeon’s eyes welled at the thought. Why had he done that? He loved Taekwoon, loved him more than anything, so why had he done that to him?

As if sensing his thoughts, Taekwoon began to run a hand through his hair.

“It’s okay, Hakyeonie,” Taekwoon murmured. Hakyeon just shook his head. It wasn’t okay. He’d been a terrible mate, he’d hurt Taekwoon…before Hakyeon could get too wrapped up in guilt again, Taekwoon tipped his chin up, holding his gaze.

“Hakyeon. Can I Lick you?” he whispered. Hakyeon’s heart skipped a beat. They hadn’t done that in so long. Part of him wanted it, but…

“I’m…” Hakyeon trailed off, unsure.

“Please.” Taekwoon’s voice was soft, but there was something desperate in it too that he couldn’t hide. “Please. It’ll be okay. I promise.” Hakyeon searched his gaze, his heart beating fast. Under other circumstances he thought he might say no, but…something about being in this nest, wrapped in Taekwoon’s arms, made him feel more secure than he had in a long time. He missed connecting with Taekwoon, missed the deep bond they’d had. So Hakyeon nodded once, and Taekwoon couldn’t hide the relief in his eyes.

Hakyeon lay back, and let Taekwoon undress him. The alpha’s hands were so gentle, like they’d always been…Hakyeon closed his eyes as Taekwoon leaned over him. With the nest around him and Taekwoon above him, he was completely immersed in the alpha’s scent. It made his body relax, because his mind associated this smell with comfort, and love, and safety. The nest was soft against his bare skin, and he felt warm. When Taekwoon pressed his lips to the bite, Hakyeon’s own lips parted in a soft moan. He hadn’t felt this in so long, he’d forgotten how good it was…

Hakyeon felt the bond opening, unfurling like a flower bud. He’d been worried that he’d damaged their bond somehow, with how much he’d been worrying and shutting Taekwoon out. But right now it felt the same as always, beautiful and intimate and right. Hakyeon arched, feeling the slide of soft blankets against his bare skin, as his mind lit up.

He let Taekwoon feel it, fully, for the first time, what he’d been feeling since Yeri was born. He hadn’t wanted to let Taekwoon know how bad it was, hadn’t wanted to hurt him and make him worry. But he understood now that Taekwoon wanted to know, that it hurt him not to know. So Hakyeon let him feel it. He felt water drip onto his neck, and realized that Taekwoon was crying.

But soon it was Taekwoon’s turn, and he let Hakyeon feel what he wanted him to know: he showed Hakyeon how beautiful he was in Taekwoon’s eyes, that the alpha’s image of him hadn’t changed at all. He showed Hakyeon how much he loved him, how much he trusted him, how much he knew that Hakyeon would be a wonderful parent to their baby. And he showed Hakyeon what it felt like to love Yeri without fear, how wonderful it was, and promised him without words that someday, he would feel that way too. Taekwoon let Hakyeon see himself the way he deserved to be seen—the way Taekwoon saw him.

When the Licking came to a climax Hakyeon cried out, because he’d forgotten what pleasure that intense felt like. When he’d come down enough to open his eyes, he looked up at Taekwoon. He realized they were both crying a little. Taekwoon smiled at him, pure love in his eyes. Hakyeon crumbled.

After everything he’d been feeling, he couldn’t imagine what it felt like to see himself the way Taekwoon did. Now that he had, now that he’d seen and remembered just how wonderful the alpha thought he was…maybe he didn’t have to hate himself. Maybe he wasn’t a failure.

Taekwoon held him tight, letting him work through it. When Hakyeon had finally calmed, he realize that Yeri was crying. Her nursery was right next door, so they could always hear when she needed them. Taekwoon offered to take care of it, but she was crying her hungry cry, so Hakyeon went to get her.

But rather than feed her in the nursery, he brought her back to the bedroom. He cuddled into his nest, and saw Taekwoon smile. The alpha slid behind him and held him close. That was how Hakyeon fed his baby, wrapped in Taekwoon’s arms and snuggled in his nest…and for once his chest didn’t feel tight. For once when she finished and looked up at him, Hakyeon was able to smile at her.

 

 

 

 

 

Hakyeon turned when he heard the backdoor open. Taekwoon walked out, smiling and holding a tray of lemonade. Hakyeon smiled back, straightening up and taking off his gardening gloves. He was working in his flower garden, and as per usual, he’d brought Yeri outside with him. She had recently started crawling, so Hakyeon had put her in a little outdoor playpen so she wouldn’t wander off. She could still play with the grass, though, so she didn’t seem to mind.

Hakyeon joined Taekwoon on the porch, and took a seat beside him on the swing. Yeri was crawling around and making babbling noises, and they both sat and admired her for a moment. Hakyeon took a sip of lemonade, and thanked Taekwoon for making it. The alpha smiled and slid an arm around him. Hakyeon sighed, feeling content as he laid his head on the alpha’s shoulder.

Hakyeon was finally doing better, for real. He still wasn’t perfect--there were still moments when he worried. They lived in a harsh world, after all, and there were still times when he was afraid that he wouldn’t be enough for his baby.

But somewhere along the way Hakyeon had forgotten that he wasn’t alone. Yeri had two people to look out for her, and the other one was right beside Hakyeon, holding him close. Hakyeon didn’t have to do it all on his own.

And in fact, it wasn’t just Taekwoon…Yeri had Jaehwan and Wonshik, Sanghyuk and Hongbin, Taekwoon’s Aunt Yerin, her grandparents, even Mimi…she would have so many people to help her, protect her, love her. She was in a good place. He had the means to give his baby a good life, and he would. Jaehwan had said all he had to do was love her, and Hakyeon thought…maybe he was right.

“She’s so beautiful,” Hakyeon murmured, watching as Yeri giggled at a passing grasshopper. Taekwoon smiled, hugging Hakyeon close.

“She sure is,” he agreed. Hakyeon closed his eyes, breathing in the alpha’s scent. No matter what happened, from now on, he promised himself that he’d never forget again just how beautiful that scent was. He’d started making nests again, and wondered why he’d ever stopped. They were so soft and warm, and the perfect place to nurse.

“I’m so happy,” Taekwoon murmured. Hakyeon opened his eyes and looked up at him.

“What for?”

“Just being here,” Taekwoon said simply. “With you, and Yeri…I’m so happy.” He hugged Hakyeon tight, and Hakyeon couldn’t help but smile. He wasn’t completely healed yet, but he was getting closer every day. And right now, being here with Taekwoon and Yeri…he was happy too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So...this was definitely The Return of the Angst, but I wanted to explore this idea. But don't worry, baby fluff is a'coming. And for anyone wondering where the hell HyukBin is, they're gonna get a chapter too. I'll try to update sooner next time. This was a new topic for me, so comments are greatly appreciated! Thanks for reading <3


	4. Family

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! Sooo sorry to everyone for taking this long to update. Sometimes life's a mess. Thank you all for letting me write Return of the Angst last time; here's some fluff and smut to compensate!

“Shikie!” Jaehwan called when he heard the doorbell ring. “Can you get that?” The omega was busy adjusting Mimi’s onesie. After seeing how ridiculously cute she’d looked in that unicorn costume at Hakyeon’s house, he’d gone out and bought her a bunch of different animal onesies, just like Taekwoon liked to do. He’d texted Hakyeon earlier and told him to put Yeri in her unicorn outfit when he brought her over tonight. Hakyeon had replied with an _Okay?_ Jaehwan had just smiled to himself.

“Got it!” Wonshik called. He was downstairs blending up some fresh baby food (he and Jaehwan liked to make their own when they had the time, just to give Mimi the freshest ingredients they could), so he was closer to the door anyway. Jaewhan hummed as he picked up a now-dressed Mimi and carried her down the stairs.

Taekwoon had told them recently that Hakyeon was finally taking a turn for the better. Jaehwan and Wonshik were both relieved. It had been so hard, to watch the obvious pain in Hakyeon’s eyes any time he was with his baby, to see the exhaustion and guilt in them when he wasn’t. Jaehwan had tried to help, to support him, but it was hard because he just couldn’t relate. He’d been absolutely delighted when Mimi came, and that feeling hadn’t faded. Sure, he was exhausted and sleep-deprived, but the payoff was worth it. She was adorable and fun and he loved everything about her; he had since day one. So to see Hakyeon afraid to hold his own baby had been hard to understand.

Jaehwan had tried, though, because he knew it wasn’t his friend’s fault. Hakyeon felt far worse about himself than anyone else, so Jaehwan had done everything he could to support him. He wasn’t sure his efforts had done much, but at least he thought that nighttime talk in the park had made a difference.

Jaehwan had overhead Taekwoon when he called Wonshik and told him that Hakyeon was finally showing improvement. Wonshik had been cutting up vegetables for dinner at the time, so he’d put the other alpha on speaker. Taekwoon had been crying, and it made Jaewhan’s heart twist. He’d mostly been thinking about Hakyeon in this situation—the omega was his best friend, after all—but he’d realized then how hard it must’ve been on Taekwoon too. With the way he loved Hakyeon, seeing the omega in pain must’ve been torture. Taekwoon was so relieved he was practically sobbing as he told Wonshik that Hakyeon was finally doing better, for real.

Wonshik’s eyes were damp too as he congratulated Taekwoon, assuring him that it would only get better. He’d promised Taekwoon then, as he had every time he talked to him, that he and Jaehwan would do anything to help them, whatever they needed.

Tonight, as Jaehwan carried Mimi down the stairs, he felt good knowing they were fulfilling that promise. They were babysitting Yeri tonight, so Hakyeon and Taekwoon could go out and have a night to themselves. Hakyeon had been so down for so long that they hadn’t been on a date in months. Now that the omega was finally feeling up to it, Taekwoon was determined to take him out. Jaehwan and Wonshik had been happy to watch Yeri, saying it could be a playdate with Mimi. The babies could crawl and even stand up now if they were holding something, so they could actually (sort of) play with each other; and Yeri had already been to Jaewhan’s home several times, so she seemed to know the place by now.

Jaehwan reached the bottom of the stairs just as he heard Wonshik open the front door. A series of happy greetings followed, and by the time Jaehwan reached the front door, Taekwoon was already handing Yeri to Wonshik. As promised, she was dressed in her unicorn onesie. Jaehwan looked at Hakyeon, watching as the omega’s eyes followed his baby as she was passed to Wonshik’s arms. He was smiling—a real, genuine smile. His eyes were bright with a light Jaehwan hadn’t seen in months. He felt his own eyes sting, overwhelmed to see that Taekwoon was right, that Hakyeon really was doing better—so much better.

“Ta da!” Jaehwan said, holding Mimi up like a trophy. Hakyeon’s gaze shifted to her, and his face lit up in a grin.

“That’s why you wanted Yeri as a unicorn,” he said, laughter in his voice. Mimi was dressed as a dragon, her onesie complete with plushy dragon “spikes” down her back, a tail, and tiny wings.

“Yep! I basically consider them sisters, so we really should coordinate their outfits,” Jaehwan said proudly. “We’ve got a whole fantasy set-up in the living room. I even found a playpen that looks like a castle.”

“You think they’ll notice?” Taekwoon asked, an amused smile on his face. It was good to see him lit up too. Taekwoon had been as downcast as Hakyeon these last months, so seeing that smile on his face was like seeing the sun after a whole winter of gray skies.

“Nope!” Jaehwan replied. “But it’s really for me, so who cares? I want a fantasy night. These are fantasy babies.” Mimi made a gurgling noise. “See? That was a dragon roar.” Hakyeon and Taekwoon both laughed. They wished Wonshik and Jaehwan well, hoping that Yeri wouldn’t be too much of a handful. Jaehwan waved them off. Mimi was a mischievous little thing already, so he figured Yeri couldn’t be any worse.

The couple thanked them before leaving for their date night, Hakyeon’s hand in Taekwoon’s. Jaehwan smiled as he watched them go, Taekwoon pausing to open Hakyeon’s car door for him. He remembered what Hakyeon had told him, about how guilty he was feeling towards Taekwoon. It had been so hard to watch—Hakyeon and Taekwoon were the most in-love couple Jaewhan had ever met (aside from him and Wonshik, _of course)_ and to see them unsure around each other, Hakyeon reluctant to take Taekwoon’s hand, had felt so unnatural after watching years of their pure affection for each other. Seeing Hakyeon back to his old self around Taekwoon—seeing them both back to their old selves—was the best reassurance Jaehwan had had yet. They really were doing better. They were going to be okay.

Jaehwan closed the door, eyes damp as he turned to Wonshik with a smile. The alpha smiled back, every bit as emotional.

“It feels so good to see him smile,” Jaehwan murmured. “Both of them.” Wonshik nodded, stepping forward to give Jaehwan a one-armed hug, minding the babies between them. He kissed the omega’s forehead, Jaehwan closing his eyes to appreciate it. They only broke apart when Yeri made a little squealing noise, flapping her arms. Jaehwan laughed as he pulled back.

“Sorry, Miss Unicorn. Your uncles got carried away,” Jaehwan said, patting her head. The fact that Yeri hadn’t cried when her parents left showed just how comfortable she was here. It made Jaehwan almost giddy with happiness—even though she was still a baby, it seemed Yeri already recognized him and Wonshik as family. Mimi gave an answering squeal, reaching for Yeri and clumsily patting her shoulder. The adults laughed, taking the babies into the living room.

Jaehwan really had found a playpen that looked like a castle, and he was unreasonably proud of it. They’d made sure to lay down some soft blankets inside, so now they put the babies down in it. Jaehwan wasn’t opposed to letting them crawl around the house (supervised, at least) but he needed a few minutes to appreciate them in those costumes sitting in a “castle.” It was too perfect. He took out his phone and snapped more photos than he’d ever need, occasionally making an involuntary cooing noise. When he could finally admit to himself that he had more than enough pictures, he stood, deciding he’d better help Wonshik finish up in the kitchen. The babies would be safe in the playpen, so he could leave them unsupervised for a little while.

Jaehwan walked in to see the alpha frying some scallops in a pan, and smiled. Something about seeing Wonshik in their home, doing something domestic or writing music, still made Jaehwan’s heart swell. Even though they’d been married for years, seeing Wonshik doing something that showed this was _their_ home, that the alpha was his mate and family now, made Jaehwan feel so warm. He’d spent so long worrying that he and Wonshik, for all that they tried and sacrificed, would never be together. Now here Wonshik was, in their home, with their baby…once in a while it still struck Jaewhan, how lucky they were simply to be together.

Jaehwan wrapped his arms around Wonshik’s waist, hugging him tight because he had to do something with all his sudden feels. He felt the alpha’s affection through their bond as Wonshik leaned back into the hug. Jaehwan put his chin on the alpha’s shoulder, and Wonshik turned and kissed his cheek. Jaehwan grinned.

“What can I help with?” he asked, stepping back.

“I haven’t gotten to the asparagus yet,” Wonshik replied, so Jaehwan got to work prepping the vegetables. When they were cut and the tough spots peeled, Jaehwan coated them with olive oil, then sprinkled some salt, pepper, garlic, and a little parmesan onto the veggies. Then he wrapped them in foil and put them in the oven to roast. He was washing his hands in the kitchen sink when he felt arms wrap around him, Wonshik returning the favor from earlier. Jaehwan smiled, leaning into the embrace as the alpha began to kiss his neck. His lips brushed that special spot beneath his ear (apparently that was Hakyeon’s special spot too—Jaehwan wondered absently if it was an omega thing) and he shivered. He could already tell where this was going—Wonshik only kissed that spot when he wanted to work him up.

“We have babies to watch,” Jaehwan murmured, though he did nothing to pull away. Wonshik kept going, his warm tongue flicking out to lap at the hickey he’d just made, and Jaehwan gasped.

“They’re safe in the playpen,” Wonshik murmured, his hands beginning to wander.

“We’re gonna burn dinner,” Jaehwan tried again, though he wasn’t really protesting and they both knew it.

“The scallops and sauce are done,” Wonshik murmured, beginning to slip his hands beneath Jaewhan’s shirt. “They’re just keeping warm now; they won’t burn.” Jaehwan felt the alpha’s fingers brush his bare stomach, and pushed his hips into Wonshik’s on impulse. “How long does your asparagus have left?”

“Twelve minutes,” Jaehwan said breathlessly. He felt Wonshik’s lips against his neck curve into a smile.

“I’d say that’s enough time. Wouldn’t you?” Jaehwan couldn’t hold back a little moan as the alpha’s hand dipped into his underwear.

“That’s enough time,” Jaehwan agreed, closing his eyes and pressing back into his mate. He stood with his hands braced against the counter, shivering as the alpha worked him up so he’d be wet and ready when it was time.

“What brought this on?” Jaehwan gasped as Wonshik gently tugged his underwear down.

“I don’t know,” Wonshik murmured, working on his own pants now. “Something about seeing you with the babies earlier, and then us making dinner together…it just reminded me how lucky I am to be here; how lucky I am to have you.” Jaehwan opened his eyes, and swore he could feel his heart melt right into a puddle. He and Wonshik had been thinking the same thing then. Goddess, they really were perfect for each other, weren’t they? Jaehwan reveled in the thought as he braced his hands on the counter and pushed his hips back, ready.

“You sure it’s okay here?” Wonshik murmured, hands rubbing the omega’s bare skin appreciatively. “We can move somewhere else if you want.” But Jaehwan shook his head.

“I like it here. Feels a little naughty, you know?” Jaehwan said with a wink. Wonshik laughed, leaning forward to kiss his cheek.

“Okay then.” Jaehwan bit his lip in anticipation; he arched, purring as Wonshik slid in. It wasn’t just that it felt _really_ good—it did—but Jaehwan also loved it because it just felt right. Being this close to Wonshik always felt so right.

Jaehwan dropped his head, gripping the counter as the alpha began to move. The kitchen wasn’t the time or place for slow and sensual, so they both decided to make this a quickie. Jaehwan pushed his hips back, moaning as Wonshik thrust at the same time, getting as deep as he could. They built up speed quickly; it made the omega’s body bounce, and he could hear his breaths and moans catching with each thrust. This wasn’t an angle they typically used, and it felt so good…

Jaehwan gave a little cry as Wonshik rolled his hips, hitting that sweet spot even sharper than before. A drop of slick slid down the inside of his thigh. Wonshik put gentle fingers on Jaehwan’s lips, so he opened his mouth wider to allow the alpha to slip them inside. He closed his eyes, running his tongue across those fingers to get them as wet as possible, loosing another muffled moan as Wonshik did that magic thing with his hips again.

After a moment, the alpha withdrew his fingers and brought them to Jaehwan’s bite. They began to massage the sensitive spot, and Jaehwan gave another little cry. Wonshik was always so damn good at this…his other hand slid between Jaehwan’s legs, his hips not missing a beat, keeping that steady pace. With all three pleasure points being teased at once, Jaehwan couldn’t take it. He arched, crying Wonshik’s name as he came. He gripped the counter tight, gasping and shivering as Wonshik kept moving. After a few more thrusts the alpha’s hips stuttered, and he gave a deep moan. Jaehwan rolled his hips and squeezed, drawing out the alpha’s orgasm as long as he could. Finally, they both stilled, panting as Wonshik pressed his forehead to the back of Jaehwan’s shoulder.

“Holy…shit…” Jaehwan gasped, resting his forearms on the counter. Wonshik nodded agreement. “We need to do it in the kitchen more often.” Wonshik kissed his neck, rubbing soothing hands over his body as he did. Jaehwan closed his eyes again, enjoying the gentle care, until Wonshik finally stood and pulled out. Cum and slick leaked down his thighs, and Jaehwan shivered a little at the erotic sensation.

Wonshik knelt, and Jaehwan gasped again as he felt a warm tongue on the inside of his thigh, tracing that line of slick that had leaked earlier. He bit his lip, tipping his head back as Wonshik cleaned him up. When the alpha stood he had a little smug smile on his lips; Jaehwan pulled him close and kissed it away. They stood like that for a long time, only parting when the over timer beeped. Jaehwan pulled back, breathless and lips kiss-swollen.

“I forgot we were making dinner,” he murmured, reluctantly pulling away to get the food.

“Me too. Good thing we are though,” Wonshik said, following him. “I’m starving now.” Jaehwan chuckled as he pulled the asparagus out of the oven.

“Me too.” Wonshik began to mix his fried scallops and sauce into the pasta he’d made while Jaehwan put his underwear back on, and went to go get the babies. They were in the playpen (of course) and playing some sort of…game? Jaehwan supposed it was a game, by baby standards. Really they were just grabbing at each other’s costumes and cooing, but they seemed to be enjoying themselves.

Jaehwan bent down, grabbing Yeri first and balancing her on his hip. Then he scooped up Mimi, holding one baby in each arm as he went back to the kitchen. Dinner smelled amazing, and his mouth was watering as he put Mimi in her highchair. They had a portable one for travel as well, so they’d set that up for Yeri tonight. She fit just fine, given she was almost the same size as Mimi. Jaehwan had put the babies next to each other, and once Yeri was seated they turned to each other and made babbling noises. Jaehwan couldn’t help but laugh. He really did want Mimi and Yeri to be best friends, so it was fun to see them already enjoying each other’s company.

“Look at our girls,” Wonshik said warmly, eyes on the babies as he set a large serving dish filled with scallop pasta on the table. Jaehwan nodded proudly.

“Already getting along. But we knew they would.”

“Of course,” Wonshik replied. “Their parents are all best friends. It’s in their DNA.” Jaehwan hummed agreement as he went to fetch his asparagus, and some garlic bread they’d bought at the store because they were feeling too lazy tonight to make their own.

Jaehwan and Wonshik each chose a baby to feed, and alternated between feeding spoonfuls of fresh-made baby food to Yeri and Mimi, and taking bites of their own food for themselves. The four had a comfortable dinner together, and Jaehwan couldn’t help but imagine dinners in the future, when Mimi would be old enough to eat the same food as them, and talk to them. She could tell them about school, and her friends, and her hobbies (whatever they were going to be—they couldn’t know yet). Jaehwan was so excited. He slid a spoonful of mush into Yeri’s mouth, and imagined her and her parents joining. Hakyeon and Taekwoon had already agreed that both couples should have dinner together once a week, alternating between Jaehwan and Wonshik’s house, and Hakyeon and Taekwoon’s. And that meant that in the future, there would be a lot of nights when Hakyeon and Taekwoon were here, when Yeri and Mimi could play together while the adults caught up, when all six of them could have dinner together and enjoy being a self-made family.

Jaehwan didn’t have much contact with his own family anymore. They hadn’t exactly been kind to him growing up, and even though they’d finally allowed him to marry Wonshik, they still let him know they weren’t happy about it whenever they got the chance. So Jaewhan kept his distance, as much as he could. It hurt a little, to think that he didn’t have much of a family anymore; but then he’d look at Wonshik and feel their bond. He’d think of Hakyeon, how much he had been through with the other omega, the way Hakyeon’s eyes lit up and he hugged Jaehwan whenever he saw him; he’d even think of Taekwoon, and how supportive the alpha had been of Jaehwan’s relationship with Wonshik even when the rest of the world told him it was wrong…and that sadness would fade. Jaehwan had a family, the best one he could ask for, and they weren’t going anywhere.

 

………………………….

 

Hakyeon stared out the window as the world rushed by. They were on the highway, headed out of the city. Hakyeon had asked Taekwoon where they were going—this seemed like an awfully far drive for a night out, after all—but the alpha had said he wanted to keep it a surprise. At the excited, hopeful gleam in his eye, Hakyeon had given in and allowed him to keep his secret.

Taekwoon was driving with one hand on the steering wheel; the other held Hakyeon’s, their hands clasped between them. The heater was on, making the car pleasantly warm, and with the steady hum of the wheels on the road, Hakyeon felt very relaxed. He’d spent so many months in a constant state of anxiety; now that he could finally relax again, feel some peace again, he’d learned just how much he appreciated that still, content feeling in his chest.

Taekwoon was humming something, so Hakyeon asked him to sing whatever the tune was. Taekwoon obliged, raising his voice a bit. Hakyeon realized that he knew the song, and joined in. Taekwoon glanced at him, a bright smile on his face as he sang. Taekwoon was always affectionate, but Hakyeon could swear he’d been even more so these past few weeks. Hakyeon supposed that was because Taekwoon hadn’t had the chance to be affectionate for the past several months—Hakyeon wouldn’t let him get close enough, too wrapped up in his own guilt and insecurities. Now that he was letting Taekwoon in again, and now that the alpha had the joy of seeing Hakyeon doing better, he seemed to be taking every chance he could to tell or show Hakyeon how much he loved him. Hakyeon had to admit he was enjoying it, and did his best to reciprocate.

“Are we almost there?” Hakyeon asked when their song was over. They’d been driving for almost an hour, and the road was mostly empty by now. Taekwoon squeezed his hand.

“Almost there,” he agreed. So Hakyeon leaned back in his seat, content to sit in their warm car and hold Taekwoon’s hand for as long as it took. Taking care of Yeri was a full-time job right now, so they hadn’t had the chance for some simple quiet time like this in a while. In this moment, just sitting in a warm, quiet place with Taekwoon was all Hakyeon needed.

Maybe fifteen minutes later, Taekwoon had exited the highway and turned down a small, empty road. They were far out of the city by now, and for a brief moment Hakyeon wondered if Taekwoon was taking him to that pond in the woods, the one they went to every winter now to celebrate the first time Taekwoon got Hakyeon to skate. But no, Hakyeon was fairly sure that forest was in the other direction, and besides, there weren’t a lot of trees around here.

Taekwoon pulled into an empty parking lot, and Hakyeon sat up, realizing they were surrounded by sand. He turned to Taekwoon, eyes wide with excitement, and Taekwoon laughed good-naturedly at his expression.

“Told you I was gonna take you to your favorite place, didn’t I?” the alpha teased. Hakyeon practically leapt out of the car, pulling on his jacket as Taekwoon fished their picnic basket out of the backseat. The moment the alpha was ready to go, Hakyeon grabbed his hand, practically skipping as he all but dragged Taekwoon to the edge of the parking lot, and then to some wooden steps that led to the bottom of the sandy hill they were parked on. When they got to the bottom Hakyeon stopped, his heart lifting as he took in the sight.

Taekwoon had taken him to the beach, to see the ocean. It was spread out before Hakyeon, like an endless, shimmering sheet of black glass. The moon was nearly full, leaving a trail of white light spreading across the water, sparkling with every movement of the waves. The air smelled like salt and adventure, the sound of the waves making the most soothing of music. Hakyeon felt his chest swell with excitement, the way it always did when he saw the ocean. Something about it just spoke to him of freedom.

“Taekwoon…” Hakyeon felt breathless; he hadn’t been to the ocean in so long, he’d forgotten how beautiful it was. The alpha kissed his cheek, squeezing his hand before gently leading him down towards the water. Hakyeon took off his shoes so he could feel the sand between his toes, and walked hand-in-hand down the beach. It was completely empty, perfect for the two of them. They chose a seat near the water, just beyond the damp sand and the reach of the waves. Taekwoon spread out a blanket, and the two took a seat. Hakyeon leaned back on his hands, gaze drawn to the water as Taekwoon unpacked the picnic basket.

“Thank you for bringing me here,” Hakyeon murmured. This was just what he’d needed after all the pain and struggle of the last several months. The ocean always helped remind him that there was so much more to the world. It was so much bigger than the cage he’d made for himself in his mind after Yeri was born. The world was vast, and filled with beautiful things like the ocean. He couldn’t wait to take Yeri to the beach someday and let her feel the same sense of excitement and wonder.

In response to Hakyeon’s words, Taekwoon took his hand and kissed it.

“I’ll be sure to bring you here more from now on,” the alpha said softly. Hakyeon smiled, feeling a slight sting in his eyes; but the tears were good. Taekwoon finished unpacking the basket, and handed Hakyeon a container of the fancy pasta he’d made before they left the house.

“Wow. Moonlit dinner on the beach…this is about the most romantic thing I can think of,” Hakyeon said.

“Correction,” Taekwoon replied. He took one of Hakyeon’s homemade candles from the basket, set it on a small, empty plate, and lit it. “ _Now_ it’s the most romantic thing you can think of.” Hakyeon gave Taekwoon a warm smile, so moved by the ideas the alpha came up with, the little gestures of romance that he would sometimes spend hours preparing. He did it for Hakyeon, always, because seeing the omega smile made Taekwoon happier than anything in the world. Hakyeon took Taekwoon’s hand, his chest too full for words. He was so lucky, to have this alpha with him. He didn’t know how he’d forgotten that for so long. Taekwoon kissed his hand, and Hakyeon swore the love in his eyes made them glow brighter than the moon.

They decided to eat, because despite all the mushy feelings between them, it was later than they’d normally have dinner and they were quite hungry. As per usual, Taekwoon’s cooking was excellent. For dessert they had some pear tarts Hakyeon had baked the day before, and Taekwoon told him about three times how good they were. Hakyeon was blushing a little by the end.

When they were done and the picnic basket packed up, they decided to lie back for a while and look at the stars. They couldn’t see many in the city, so they intended to take full advantage of being in a place without any lights around. Hakyeon relaxed against the blanket and took Taekwoon’s hand again. He looked up at the sky, and caught his breath.

“Oh, Taekwoon…” Beautiful wasn’t enough to describe it. Hakyeon hadn’t seen so many stars in months, maybe years…they scattered through every inch of the sky, glittering diamonds in a still, black sea. Hakyeon blinked, his eyes welling. He’d forgotten how bright the stars were. In the darkness of the last several months, everything had taken on a dull hue; even lights had seemed dimmer, colors less vibrant. Hakyeon wondered, if he’d seen these stars a few months ago, if they would’ve looked this bright. He didn’t think so.

He could finally see the stars again.

Hakyeon blinked, and felt tears slip down his temples. Taekwoon squeezed his hand, sending him a wave of love and reassurance through the bond. Hakyeon’s breath hitched, but he blinked away the tears because they blurred his vision, and he wanted to see the stars with crystal clarity.

For a long while they just laid there and watched the stars, listening to the steady crash and roll of the ocean waves. Taekwoon’s thumb brushed the back of Hakyeon’s hand, a soothing gesture.

“I want to bring Yeri here,” Hakyeon whispered at last. “When she’s a little older…I want her to grow up seeing the stars.” Taekwoon rolled on his side, facing Hakyeon, and gave him a gentle smile.

“Me too. We’ll bring her here all the time,” he promised. Hakyeon turned his head to look at Taekwoon, returning the smile, one final tear escaping down his nose. Taekwoon leaned in and kissed it away. Hakyeon closed his eyes, threading his fingers in Taekwoon’s hair and pulling him closer to kiss his lips. The alpha made a soft, pleased noise. He wound his arm around Hakyeon’s waist and pulled him closer, kissing him breathless.

When they finally came up for air, Hakyeon was feeling a little heated. He traced Taekwoon’s cheek, wondering again how he had ever managed to push him away. In that moment, he loved Taekwoon so much it left him breathless, made his heart stop because it just felt too full to keep beating. It was almost too much; but it was the best feeling in the world. Taekwoon cupped Hakyeon’s cheek, letting him known in silence that he felt the same.

Hakyeon needed some air, so he suggested they take a walk. Taekwoon agreed. They left their shoes by the blanket, and walked hand-in-hand down to the damp, hard sand near the water. They strolled along the beach, allowing the tide to lick their toes, enjoying the peaceful sounds of the ocean waves and the silence of night.

“Thank you, Taekwoon,” Hakyeon murmured again. “This is exactly what I needed.” A little time out of the city, a look at the ocean and the stars, some pure alone time with his mate…all of this was exactly what Hakyeon had needed. He could feel that soothing sensation in his chest, one that reminded him of a flower blooming—he’d come to recognize that that sensation was healing.

“I’m glad,” Taekwoon replied softly. “I know you don’t always see it, but…you deserve the whole world, Hakyeon, and anything you ever want or need…if I can give it to you, I will. The way you felt looking at the stars, that’s how I feel when I look at you. You’re my light.” Hakyeon drew to a stop, turning to face Taekwoon. He let go of the alpha’s hand only to draw him into a hug. He wound his arms around Taekwoon’s neck, cupped his cheek, and held his gaze steady.

“And you’re mine,” he whispered. The look in Taekwoon’s eyes then was more beautiful than a star could ever be. Hakyeon leaned in, pressing their lips together. It was a deep kiss, but unhurried; Taekwoon returned it with passion, wrapping his arms around Hakyeon’s waist and pressing their bodies together.

Hakyeon didn’t know exactly when it happened, as everything was a haze of desire and pleasure after that. But at some point he found himself lying on the sand, skin bare, Taekwoon above him. They weren’t worried that anyone would come by. This beach was completely deserted, and had been the whole time they’d been there.

Taekwoon’s bare skin was warm, and the way his body covered Hakyeon’s kept him from shivering despite the cool ocean breeze. He tipped his head back, fingers making grooves in the sand as Taekwoon’s fingers twisted inside him. It was so good, but he wanted more. Hakyeon spread his legs wider, toes curling in the damp sand as Taekwoon slid inside him. His lips parted, his soft moan barely audible over the toss of the ocean waves.

Taekwoon began to move, gaze locked on Hakyeon. Hakyeon stared back, wrapping his arms around the alpha to hold him close. Taekwoon cupped his cheek, the other hand carding lovingly through his hair. Hakyeon drew him in for a kiss, parting only to moan louder as the alpha rolled his hips just right. Hakyeon rocked his own hips up to meet him, their bodies moving together in a steady rhythm like the waves beside them.

Taekwoon kissed his neck, that special spot, and Hakyeon arched, feeling the slide of cool, damp sand beneath him. Making love on the beach seemed like something right out of a romance novel, and Hakyeon felt heady as he closed his eyes for a moment, focusing on the pure pleasure of Taekwoon moving inside him. He didn’t know if he’d ever felt quite this good.

Hakyeon moaned Taekwoon’s name, and heard the alpha breathe his. He hadn’t felt so connected to Taekwoon since the night they finally Licked again, and it was bliss. They both wanted to keep going, to make it last as long as they could; so Taekwoon waited until Hakyeon was right on the edge, when neither of them could hold out much longer, and pressed a single kiss to his bite.

Hakyeon cried out, pressing Taekwoon to him, eyes on the stars as he came. Seeing something so beautiful, while feeling something so beautiful, with such a beautiful person…Hakyeon was so glad to be alive in that moment. He was so glad he’d made it.

Taekwoon came in nearly the same moment, moaning Hakyeon’s name. They looked at each other as they rode it out, their hips slowing to the languid rhythm of the ocean waves, and then finally going still. Hakyeon lay there on the sand, panting, unable to take his eyes off his mate. Taking him here, and being with him in this moment…Taekwoon had just given him euphoria.

Taekwoon leaned down for a kiss, and Hakyeon gave it to him deeply. He could’t say how long they lay there on the sand, lost in a world that was only for the two of them. It must have been a long time, because when they finally parted, the moon was in a different place in the sky.

Part of Hakyeon wanted to stay here forever, to spend the night with Taekwoon on this beach and forget the rest of the world. But it was getting late, and they needed to pick up Yeri. To Hakyeon’s surprise and relief, he realized then that that thought didn’t fill him with dread, or anxiety. In fact, he was looking forward to seeing her. He wanted to see his baby.

Hakyeon and Taekwoon were both covered in sand (though Hakyeon more so), so they took a dip in the ocean to wash it off. The water was freezing, but the cold made Hakyeon feel refreshed, alive. Taekwoon pulled him close, and they spent another several minutes kissing in the water, their bodies rocked gently up and down by the waves.

Finally, they knew it was time to go, or Jaehwan and Wonshik would have Yeri all night. They emerged from the water, and Hakyeon took a moment to admire just how breathtaking Taekwoon looked, bare skin glistening in the moonlight. The alpha’s eyes traced him, and Hakyeon knew Taekwoon was doing the same.

“We’re coming back here sometime,” Hakyeon said softly as they put on their clothes. “For a whole night. Yeri can stay with Yerin.” Taekwoon nodded.

“She’d be happy to have her for a night,” he agreed softly. “We’ll come back here soon.” With the promise that this magical, two-person world would still be waiting for them when they came back, Hakyeon took Taekwoon’s hand and walked back to their picnic spot. They put on their shoes and gathered up their things, and headed back to the car. It was time to go get their daughter.

 

 

……………………………….

 

 

“Oh, Hakyeonie’s going to kill me!” Jaehwan wailed. “I thought we baby-proofed this place!”

“We did!” Wonshik agreed, holding Mimi at arm’s length. “Apparently it doesn’t work when there’s two of them!” Mimi and Yeri shouldn’t be old enough to scheme, but Jaehwan swore that’s what they’d been doing. He’d only looked away for two seconds—two seconds!—and when he looked back both babies, who had been crawling around the living room, were gone. He and Wonshik had frantically gone looking, and found an absolute mess.

Jaehwan had always liked to draw, and recently he’d taken up painting. He’d been working on a piece earlier in the other room, and had left some paints out. But he’d left them on a table, where babies shouldn’t be able to get, so he’d thought it would be fine! He still didn’t know how they’d gotten to it, it had to have been some kind of nefarious infant teamwork; but somehow Yeri and Mimi had managed to knock over every jar of paint and make an absolute mess. They were covered in it from head to toe, and had smeared it all over the floors. Yeri had even made some abstract art on one of the walls.

“You’re a menace. You’re both just…menaces,” Jaehwan grumbled as he picked up half-empty jars of paint.

“Jae! Get her!” Wonshik said frantically, and Jaehwan looked up. Yeri, whom he’d wrangled a moment ago, had wandered away again. They had a very fancy rug in this room that the babies had thankfully somehow managed not to touch. Now Yeri was headed straight for it, almost like she was determined to get her little paint-covered hands on it. Jaehwan squealed and ran to grab her. Almost like she understood what was happening, she started to crawl faster, but the omega managed to grab her just before she reached the rug.

“You’re supposed to be my niece!” Jaehwan whined as he carried Yeri back over to Wonshik. “You should be nice to me!”

“Well this one is supposed to be our daughter,” Wonshik replied, holding Mimi as far from his own clothes as he could. She was dripping paint. “But I’m willing to bet she initiated this scheme. I mean, how would Yeri have known there was paint in here?” Jaehwan shook his head.

“They’re schemers,” he agreed. “Come on, there’s no saving their clothes, but if we give them a bath at least maybe Hakyeonie and Taekwoonie won’t be so mad.” They took the babies upstairs to their bathroom. They had a little baby-sized basin that they used to bathe Mimi, so they filled it with warm water and baby soap, and plopped both of the offenders in it.

“You ruined your unicorn costume, you know that?” Jaehwan grumbled as he began to work baby shampoo into Yeri’s hair. “Your parents will be so disappointed.” Yeri just flapped her arms excitedly, splashing Jaehwan in the process.

“And what about you?” Wonshik said to Mimi. “Daddy just bought you that dragon outfit; he was so excited to see you in it, and look what you’ve done.” Mimi just blinked up at him and made a gurgling noise. Wonshik pursed his lips, holding back a smile. He just couldn’t stay mad at her, or Yeri. It wasn’t like they really understood what they’d done, after all. Although, Wonshik was _not_ looking forward to cleaning up all that paint on the floor.

“Well, I guess I know I can’t leave paint out—anywhere. Even places that a baby shouldn’t be able to get to,” Jaehwan said, shooting Mimi a look. She gave a happy squeal, delighted with the water and bubbles and totally oblivious to Jaehwan’s judgement. The omega sighed and shook his head, turning back to Yeri. It was a good thing her unicorn costume had a hood, because there wasn’t too much paint in her hair. It was all over her face and hands though; Jaehwan was just glad she didn’t seem to have eaten any of it, even if it was non-toxic (Jaehwan had been almost certain Mimi couldn’t get to his paint, but he’d gotten a non-toxic kind just in case. He was supremely glad now that he had, as apparently two babies together could do the impossible).

“You know…looking on the bright side, maybe this means they’re geniuses,” Wonshik suggested, scrubbing to try to get pink paint out of a lock of Mimi’s hair. Jaehwan chuckled.

“They’d better be, if they’re going to cause us this much trouble all the time.”

“They’re gonna change the world,” Wonshik declared, and Jaehwan laughed again. He looked down at Yeri, and then at Mimi. It really was a wonderful feeling, to look at these two tiny people and think about all the potential they had, all the amazing things they might do one day. Although, to be honest, Jaehwan’s only true aspiration for Mimi was that she find what would make her happy in life. If she changed the world for the better, great—but if all she did was find a peaceful life she was content with, Jaewhan would be just as happy.

Of course, with parents like him and Hakyeon, literal leaders of a civil rights movement…well, their little girls probably _would_ be making some positive changes when they got older. Jaehwan was looking forward to seeing it.

It took a long time to get all the paint off the babies; but finally, after nearly a whole bottle of baby soap and another bottle of baby shampoo, they were finally clean. Jaehwan gave Yeri some of Mimi’s clothes—just a plain blue onesie with blueberries on it, since the cute animal ones were for babies who didn’t get paint everywhere—and brought her downstairs. Jaehwan and Wonshik realized it was much later than they’d thought, having spent quite a while dealing with their paint catastrophe.

“Where are they?” Jaehwan wondered as they put Yeri and Mimi in the playpen (no more wandering off for those two tonight). “Weren’t they supposed to pick her up like, half an hour ago?” Wonshik shrugged.

“Hey, it’s date night. I can imagine why they lost track of time.” Jaehwan laughed.

“Oh yeah. I don’t think they were intimate much when Hakyeon was…struggling. I bet they’re going at it at like rabbits now.” Wonshik wrinkled his nose, but he laughed too.

“Maybe we should’ve offered to let Yeri sleep over.”

“We still could,” Jaehwan suggested, but just then they heard the doorbell ring. He exchanged a look with Wonshik, and they both went to answer. Hakyeon and Taekwoon stood on the other side, and Jaehwan smiled. Hakyeon’s cheeks were flushed, a bright, happy look in his eyes. His hair was disheveled, and so was Taekwoon’s, more or less confirming Wonshik’s theory as to why they were late. Jaehwan was happy for them, though; they deserved that private time and a chance to be together, alone, and let their relationship heal.

“Hi! How was date night?” Jaehwan asked, leading the couple into the house.

“Amazing,” Hakyeon said warmly, and Jaehwan grinned, patting him approvingly as they made their way to the living room. The babies were sitting and babbling at each other in the playpen. Hakyeon made an appreciative noise, telling them that castle playpen was the best one he’d ever seen. When Yeri saw Hakyeon she gave a delighted squeal, grabbing the side of the playpen to pull herself to her feet. Hakyeon seemed surprised, to see her so happy to see him. But then he smiled, eyes glistening as he picked her up. Taekwoon was glowing as he came forward and slid an arm around Hakyeon’s waist.

“What happened to her outfit?” Hakyeon asked, noticing then the absence of the unicorn onesie. Jaehwan exchanged a look with Wonshik.

“It got messy. Sorry, but I don’t think we can salvage it,” he said, bowing his head in apology. Hakyeon just shrugged.

“Well, it was a baby outfit. I guess it was bound to get ruined at some point.”

“What happened to it, though?” Taekwoon wondered. Jaehwan fidgeted.

“Well, um…they got into my paint,” he said at last. “I swear I thought it was out of baby reach, but I guess they teamed up or something, and they got it everywhere! It’s non-toxic, and I don’t think they ate it anyway, but it was all over their clothes, we even had to give them a bath, and…” Jaewhan trailed off as he realized Hakyeon was holding back laughter. They both were, and when Jaehwan went quiet they couldn’t contain it anymore. Hakyeon and Taekwoon both burst into laughter, and Jaehwan felt his shoulders slump with relief. He’d worried Hakyeon would be mad that Jaehwan let his baby get into something she wasn’t supposed to. But evidently he understood.

“I’m sorry she was such a handful,” Taekwoon said then. “Can we help you clean up?”

“Oh, you don’t have to—“ Wonshik tried, but Hakyeon shook his head.

“Please, our daughter made half that mess. We should help.” So they put the babies back in the playpen, and then Hakyeon and Taekwoon helped the other two clean up all the paint. It wasn’t too hard to get off the floors, but Yeri’s masterpiece on the wall took a fair amount of scrubbing. There was still a little color left in the end.

“I’m really sorry about that,” Hakyeon said. “We can repaint it for you if you want.” But Jaehwan shook his head.

“Don’t worry about it. I’m sure Mimi will go through her drawing on the wall phase. Might as well wait until they’re past toddler age before we worry about repainting anything.” Hakyeon smiled, patting Jaewhan’s shoulder.

“Alright then.” It was very late by now, and everyone was tired. When they went back to the living room, they found that both babies had fallen asleep. Taekwoon gently lifted Yeri out of the pen, careful not to wake her.

“Well, thank you two so much for watching her,” Taekwoon whispered. “We really appreciate it.”

“Really,” Hakyeon agreed. Jaehwan and Wonshik both smiled. They could see how happy and refreshed their friends were after their date night, and it felt good to know they’d given Hakyeon and Taekwoon a well-deserved break.

“No problem,” Jaehwan promised. “We’re happy to watch Yeri anytime.”

“Yeah. We know they’re schemers now, so we know what to watch out for next time,” Wonshik promised. “Bring her over anytime you need a break.” Hakyeon and Taekwoon both looked grateful.

“Same goes for Mimi,” Taekwoon promised. “I’m sure you two could use a night off too.” Jaehwan exchanged a happy look with Wonshik.

“Alright. We’ll let you know when,” Jaehwan said. Hakyeon stepped forward to hug him, and Jaehwan hugged back tightly.

“I’m so glad to see you feeling better,” Jaehwan murmured in his ear. “You know you can come to me anytime, right? No matter what. You're my family, Yeonnie.” Hakyeon pulled back; his eyes were glistening, but his smile was genuine as he looked at Jaehwan.

“I know. Thank you, Jae. You're mine too.” The words were simple, but the meaning beneath them was deep and clear. Jaehwan smiled back, giving him one more hug.

Hakyeon and Taekwoon took their leave, Yeri asleep in the alpha’s arms. When they were gone Wonshik turned to Jaehwan, letting out a heavy sigh.

“Well. That was a long night.” Jaehwan nodded.

“But did you see how happy Hakyeon looked?” he asked softly, staring at the door where they’d left. Wonshik’s expression softened. He stepped closer and slid an arm around Jaehwan’s waist.

“I did. They both looked happy.” Jaehwan leaned into the alpha’s hug.

“I’m glad we could do that for them,” he murmured. Wonshik kissed the top of his head.

“Me too.” They scooped up Mimi from the playpen and carried her upstairs to her nursery. She didn’t so much as stir as they placed her in her crib, and each gave her a light kiss on her forehead. After that they went to their room and collapsed into bed, utterly worn out.

“When did we get so old?” Jaehwan muttered. One late night and some babysitting shouldn’t make him this tired. Then again, with a new baby, every night was a late night.

“Hey, kids will age you,” Wonshik mumbled, face already pressed into a pillow. “I can see why Hyuk and Bin just want dogs.” Jaehwan gave a tired chuckle.

“Yeah. But I think for me it’s worth it.” He sensed Wonshik’s smile.

“Me too.” The alpha reached out, pulling Jaehwan into an embrace. The omega snuggled into it, giving a content sigh. It felt so good, wrapped up in his mate’s arms and scent like this. It made any night, no matter how long, feel better.

“I love you,” Jaehwan murmured. They didn’t say those words to each other that often, because they simply felt no need. They knew it, and the feelings they sent each other through the bond were enough. But now and then it just felt good to express it with words, even if there were no words strong enough to really do what they felt for each other justice.

Still, Wonshik kissed the top of his head and whispered back, “I love you too.” Jaehwan fell asleep with a smile on his face.


	5. For Real (Hyukbin Origin Story)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this is so late. Life's been crazy. Thanks for reading! <3

 

 

 

 

 

Hongbin wasn’t interested in dating, and he especially wasn’t interested in alphas. He’d tried it in high school, again in college, and he just didn’t care for it. Romance was a sham; people were only sweet and romantic to someone else when they wanted to get laid, and alphas were the worst. Most of them couldn’t get an omega in high school, because unmarried omegas were so worried about staying chaste and proper that they wouldn’t even get near an alpha. And, there weren’t any in college since most universities wouldn’t admit them. So the alphas at Hongbin’s schools had settled for betas, but that was all it was—settling. Hongbin had been with a few alphas in the past. They’d acted all sweet and nice towards him at first, and like an idiot, he’d put out for them because he thought, in his naive teenage mind, that he was experiencing something real. But the second any of those alphas had the chance to fuck an omega, they’d bailed. Hongbin had learned the hard way that betas would always be second best.

It was kind of ironic, in a way. Hongbin knew that omegas had it the worst. They may be the object of desire for alphas, but he wouldn’t want to be one. Hongbin had an older sister who was an omega, and he’d always felt sorry for her. She was so restricted she could barely breathe, and he knew that his status gave him far more freedom. But even though betas had it better than omegas, they were still second best in some ways. They weren’t as strong or great as alphas, they weren’t as beautiful and desirable as omegas…they were just there. Alphas only wanted them when they couldn’t get an omega, an omega’s family only chose them when an alpha wasn’t available…they were everyone’s second choice, even each other’s. Managing to mate an alpha or omega was good for a beta’s image; mating an alpha meant that you’d done well for yourself by marrying up. Mating an omega meant that you were one step closer to being an alpha, as you’d managed to snag one of their coveted brides. So when Hongbin saw a beta mated with another beta, he just knew that even then, they must’ve simply settled for each other.

So Hongbin wasn’t interested in dating. He didn’t want to be anyone’s second best. He’d enjoy a one night stand with another beta now and then, but that was it. Omegas didn’t do one night stands, and alphas were too stuck up for his taste. Hongbin figured an occasional hookup with another beta was all he was going to get, and he was going to have to learn to be happy with it. He supposed that was settling too, in a way, but at least it was his choice. At least it didn’t make him somebody’s last resort.

Hongbin told himself he wasn’t bitter about it. He didn’t need a partner, he was fine on his own. That didn’t stop him from wanting to splash water on the happy couples he sometimes passed on the street, of course, but that was beside the point. He was fine.

Hongbin told himself that yet again as he got out of his car and slammed the door. Some mushy romance song had been playing on the radio, so he’d had to turn it off. There were more things to life than romance, so why were all the popular songs about the same thing? Hongbin didn’t care for musicians who wrote about romance—it was so overdone. Except for Park Hyoshin. He could do whatever he wanted and it would still be a masterpiece.

Hongbin checked his camera as he walked into the arena, flashing his card at the security guards. He was a freelance photographer and often did a lot of private work, taking pictures for families or weddings (he wasn’t too fond of the latter) or selling his own photography on his self-made website. But once in a while he’d manage to land a gig for a magazine or newspaper. Today he was taking photos for some sports magazine, covering a figure skating competition. In particular, Hongbin was supposed to cover some up-and-coming young alpha named Sanghyuk. Apparently he was a favorite to win this competition, and people were speculating that he’d be competing at the next winter Olympics.

It was all very exciting, this talk about Sanghyuk, but Hongbin didn’t really care. Figure skating was cool and all, but not something he’d ever taken the time to watch for fun; and besides, professional athlete alphas were always arrogant knotheads. Hongbin was already preparing himself to deal with the snide comments and impossible expectations this Sanghyuk would have. It wasn’t Hongbin’s preferred job, but it was worth it for the exposure he’d get. The sports magazine in question was one of the biggest in the country, and Hongbin knew he was lucky to have snagged this job. So he’d put up with it for a day and just get his work done.

Hongbin followed someone who worked in the arena back to where the competitors were getting ready. Sanghyuk was easy to find; he was the biggest one there. As far as Hongbin knew, most figure skaters were on the slighter, leaner side, but Sanghyuk was a mountain. Hongbin wondered how someone with his build was able to move gracefully enough to be an accomplished skater, but he supposed he’d see later today when the alpha competed.

“Hello. Han Sanghyuk, correct?” Hongbin asked, holding out his hand. Sanghyuk turned from where he’d been stretching and gave Hongbin a friendly smile. The beta could swear his heart skipped a beat, though he wasn’t sure why. Sure, Sanghyuk was cute, but that was it. That boyish smile couldn’t mask what an ass he must be.

“Yes,” Sanghyuk agreed, shaking his hand. “You must be the photographer from _Sports, Sports! SPORTS!!_ ” Hongbin grimaced.

“Yep. The dumbest named magazine in the industry.” Sanghyuk raised his eyebrows and gave a surprised laugh. Hongbin cursed under his breath, because that laugh was cute too. How annoying.

“Wow. You’re allowed to say that?” the alpha asked. Hongbin shrugged.

“I’m a freelancer, so I don’t technically work for them. If you ask me, I can say whatever I want. They deserve it for whoever chose such a stupid name.” Sanghyuk laughed again.

“Wow. Bold,” he said, raising an eyebrow. “I like it.” Hongbin blinked; suddenly his cheeks felt a little warm. He could swear there had been a flirty undertone in Sanghyuk’s voice just now. He cleared his throat.

“Uh, thanks. Anyway, do you mind if I get some pictures of you warming up? The magazine wants to cover your whole competition routine from start to finish.”

“Sure,” Sanghyuk agreed easily. “I was in the middle of stretching, so you can photograph that.” The alpha bent back into the stretch he’d been doing when Hongbin approached. The beta raised his camera and snapped a couple shots, then waited for Sanghyuk to move into a different position.

“So. Freelance photographer, huh?” the alpha asked as he switched his stretch to the other side. “That’s gotta be kind of a tough job, huh? Isn’t it a little nerve-wracking, not having a guaranteed steady income?” Hongbin shrugged.

“I like the challenge. It’s better than being stuck in a boring office job. Besides, I could say the same about figure skating.”

“I guess you’re right,” Sanghyuk agreed. Just then another beta appeared, the reporter who’d been sent to write Sanghyuk’s story. She greeted him and he shook her hand too, but Hongbin could swear the alpha’s smile was a little more polite and a little less genuine than it had been when he saw Hongbin.

After that Hongbin stayed in the background, occasionally snapping photos while the female beta interviewed Sanghyuk. When it was almost time for the alpha to go out on the ice, they both left him so he could have a few moments alone to prepare. Hongbin took up his place on the sidelines where he’d be able to get some great action shots of Sanghyuk’s performance.

Hongbin had been surprised by the interview. The reporter had asked Sanghyuk all the usual questions, hyping up his talent and piling on the praise. But to Hongbin’s surprise, Sanghyuk’s responses had been surprisingly humble. When the reporter had asked what set Sanghyuk apart from other skaters, he’d replied that nothing did.

“They all work just as hard as I do. I’ve just been fortunate enough to have some great routines the past few competitions. I definitely have my choreographer to thank for that.”

“But you must admit you’re an incredible skater,” the reporter had pushed. “A lot of people are calling you the best of your generation.”

“Well, I won’t deny I’m a great skater,” Sanghyuk had agreed. “But I wouldn’t say ‘best.’ There are tons of amazing skaters out there, some who are definitely better than me. In fact…I’m not the best, but I did know the best.” The reporter had looked excited.

“Oh? And who is that?” Sanghyuk had looked away for a moment, and Hongbin could swear he seemed suddenly sad.

“Doesn’t matter. He’s not skating anymore,” Sanghyuk had said softly. The reporter tipped her head, confused and clearly wanting to push, but Sanghyuk changed the subject after that.

Now, as Hongbin stood on the sidelines, he couldn’t help but wonder who the alpha had been talking about. And more importantly, he couldn’t figure out if it had been an act. Most alpha athletes he’d worked with in the past had had no reservations about bragging and letting everyone know how great they were, so Hongbin wasn’t sure what Sanghyuk expected to gain by pretending to be humble and nice. On the other hand, there was no way it wasn’t an act, because no successful alpha was that nice.

Hongbin was still mulling it over when the speakers announced that Sanghyuk would be performing next. Hongbin got his camera ready, knowing he needed to be absolutely focused to make sure he got the very best shots.

Sanghyuk skated out onto the ice. He’d been wearing warm-up clothes when Hongbin talked to him before, but now he was in his costume. It was black with accents of dark gray, and hugged his every muscle. His makeup was simple, but the dark eyeliner made his eyes stand out, and when had he styled his hair like that? He looked…well, Hongbin couldn’t deny it—he looked gorgeous. The beta was starting to feel warm in places besides his cheeks.

Sanghyuk was pure muscle, and the costume left little hidden in that regard. When he turned and Hongbin caught a glimpse of his butt, he gasped, then looked around quickly to make sure no one had heard. He shook himself, frowning and willing the heat away. Sure, Sanghyuk was hot, but who cared? He was probably still a jerk.

Hongbin lifted his camera, snapping a shot of Sanghyuk standing still in his starting pose. The music began, Sanghyuk began to move, and Hongbin almost forgot to take another picture. He hadn’t thought it would be possible, for someone with Sanghyuk’s build to move so gracefully, but right now the alpha was proving him wrong.

Sanghyuk’s movements looked different from the other skaters. They were just as fluid and graceful, but they had a power behind them too, a strength that lent them a little extra bit of wow factor. His jumps were amazing, and Hongbin forgot to take a photo the first time because he was too busy staring with an open mouth. He shook himself and raised his camera again, but it was hard to focus. No wonder Sanghyuk was a favorite for the next Olympics; he was amazing.

When Sanghyuk finished his routine, the crowd went crazy, people throwing flowers and stuffed animals. Sanghyuk bowed, grinning widely. It wasn’t the smug grin Hongbin was expecting though; the alpha’s expression was sunny and bright, joyful seemingly not from the applause, but from skating itself. Hongbin shook his head again. No, he was probably just seeing what he wanted to see because he found Sanghyuk hot, and it would be easier to be attracted to him if he wasn’t a jerk.

When Sanghyuk straightened from his bow, he looked right at Hongbin. Hongbin jolted, raising his camera to snap a shot so he wouldn’t have to make eye contact. When he lowered it Sanghyuk was still looking at him. The alpha gave him a little wave, and this time Hongbin was sure it was a flirty move—why else would he wiggle his fingers like that? It only made him frown in confusion though. Sanghyuk was an amazing skater and a future Olympian. He could have any omega he wanted. Why was he acting interested in a beta like Hongbin?

Sanghyuk skated off, flowers and stuffed animals in his arms. Hongbin followed, because the magazine wanted some photos of him after the performance too. Hongbin hung back while the reporter gave a follow-up interview, only stepping forward to take a picture of Sanghyuk standing with all his flowers and stuffed animals in his arms.

Sanghyuk had been one of the last performers, so pretty soon it was time to announce the winners. No surprise, Sanghyuk got first place. Hongbin took a few pictures of him standing on the podium, a gold medal around his neck. Once again, at one point Sanghyuk looked right at him and gave him that same, interested little smile. Hongbin gripped his camera tighter, angry and turned on at the same time.

When Sanghyuk came back, Hongbin got a few pictures of him with his medal, and standing with his coach, while the reporter asked him what it felt like to win, and wha his plans were for the future.

When it was all over, and Hongbin was packing up his camera, he felt a tap on his shoulder. He turned, his heart skipping a beat again when he saw Sanghyuk standing before him. The alpha smiled, though this time it seemed a little shy.

“Hi. This is so rude of me, but I just realized that I never got your name,” the alpha admitted. He was wearing his warm-up clothes again, and Hongbin kind of wished he’d stayed in his costume.

“Oh. I’m Hongbin.” The beta cringed inwardly at how awkward he sounded, but Sanghyuk’s smile warmed.

“Nice to meet you, Hongbin. I was wondering…do you have any plans this weekend?” Hongbin stared up at him. The excuses were already forming on his tongue, ready to turn Sanghyuk down and get this alpha away from him. But damn, Hongbin could smell his scent now and it smelled _so_ good…and the way he’d looked in that costume…Hongbin cleared his throat.

“No, actually,” he said, voice a little rough. He’d sworn off dating, especially with alphas, but Sanghyuk was probably only interested in something quick and dirty anyway. Hongbin couldn’t deny he was physically attracted to the skater. He’d probably be a fool to turn down some hot sex with an alpha who was pure muscle _and_ flexible…Sanghyuk didn’t seem like the worst alpha anyway, so a one night stand was probably worth it. Sanghyuk looked delighted.

“Great. Then, if you’re free…” He definitely sounded shy now. “Would you like to get dinner on Saturday?” Well. At least he was offering to buy Hongbin dinner first.

“Sure. What time?”

“Oh, whatever works for you,” Sanghyuk said quickly. “I’m free all evening.” Hongbin blinked, surprised. He’d expected Sanghyuk to dictate what time they would meet. Alphas liked to be in control, didn’t they?

“Okay. Um, how does eight o’clock sound?”

“Perfect!” Sanghyuk agreed. He looked as happy as he had on the ice, and his scent showed how relieved he was. Wow. He actually had been nervous, hadn’t he? “Here. You can text me your address.” He held out his phone. Hongbin took it, trying not to pay too much attention to how good Sanghyuk smelled when he was standing this close, and typed in his number. When he handed it back Sanghyuk hesitated, seeming like he wanted to say something else but wasn’t sure what.

“Well…see you Saturday,” Hongbin said, a bit awkwardly. Sanghyuk nodded, giving him a shy smile.

“See you Saturday.”

 

 

 

Hongbin stood in front of his mirror, frowning a bit as he turned to inspect the back of his outfit. Part of him had been regretting agreeing to go out with Sanghyuk. He’d promised himself he’d never give another alpha the satisfaction of getting in his pants, and then in one moment of lust-fueled weakness he’d broken his own vow. Of course, Hongbin supposed he didn’t have to sleep with Sanghyuk tonight, but as soon as he saw the alpha again and smelled his heady scent, he was going to want to. At this point the only way for his head to win out over his dick would be to cancel the date.

But it was too late now. It was Saturday night and Sanghyuk would be here in ten minutes. Hongbin had already texted the alpha his address, he’d already showered, done his hair, and put on his sexiest outfit. Canceling ten minutes before the date would make _him_ the jerk, and even if Hongbin still secretly suspected that Sanghyuk was just leading him on, he didn’t want to do that.

Hongbin faced forward again, noting with satisfaction that his ass really did look amazing in these pants. He’d worn dark, fitted jeans and a button-up with a v-neck that showed off a little more skin than was probably decent for a restaurant, but oh well. Hongbin wasn’t looking for something fluffy and romantic tonight anyway. He was gonna enjoy himself, get laid, and get this annoying attraction to an alpha out of his system.

Hongbin took a bottle of seldom-used perfume from his drawer and sprayed some on his body and wrists. It would sweeten his scent a little, subtly, just enough to make him smell a little more like an omega. It was a product marketed to betas, supposedly the “secret” to getting an alpha to like you. The same company made a similar product that would make him smell more like an alpha, if he were trying to get an omega. Hongbin had stopped using the perfume when he swore off alphas and dating, and he’d almost thrown it out. It made him mad, that he was expected to pretend to be an omega if he wanted to date an alpha. He would never be one and no amount of sweet perfume was going to change that, so why bother?

But tonight was his first date with an alpha in a long time, and even if Hongbin didn’t want to admit it, he was nervous. He didn’t want Sanghyuk to see him again and decide that he wasn’t interested after all. Hongbin wanted to make the call, _he_ wanted to be the one to decide where tonight would go. He wanted to be the one to cut it off, so he would know he hadn’t been rejected.

The doorbell rang, and Hongbin hurried to answer. He opened the door, and his jaw dropped. Sanghyuk stood on the other side, holding a little pot of purple hydrangeas and looking ridiculously hot. He was wearing a navy button-down under a black suit jacket, along with close fitting pants, his hair styled just right and his face smiling that cute, shy little smile. However, when he saw Hongbin, his mouth opened too.

“Wow. You look amazing,” the alpha breathed, and Hongbin felt a flash a triumph. Sanghyuk wasn’t losing interest tonight. Hongbin thought about returning the compliment, but decided it was better not to stroke the alpha’s ego. Instead he pointed to the flowers.

“Are those for me?”

“Oh, yes!” Sanghyuk held out the little pot. Hongbin took it, trying to keep his face neutral even though the flowers were adorable. “I noticed on your website that you had a lot of photos of hydrangeas, so I figured you must like them.” Hongbin had been smelling the flowers, but at that he looked up in surprise. Sanghyuk had gone to his website? And he’d spent enough time there to figure out Hongbin’s favorite flower?

“Oh. Well…yeah, I do,” the beta admitted. “Thanks.” Sanghyuk’s shy smile warmed a little; he was clearly pleased with himself, but rather than finding it arrogant, Hongbin found it cute. What was going on with him? Hongbin left to put the flowers inside and returned quickly. “Alright. Let’s go.”

The ride to the restaurant was a little awkward, but no more than any other first date. Sanghyuk had a very nice car, but at least he didn’t seem to be doing anything extra to try to show it off. He asked Hongbin about his photography business and how he’d gotten started. Hongbin told him, and by the time he was finished they’d arrived at the restaurant. It was a fancy place, but not overly so. Not the type that required you to wear a suit jacket, anyway. Evidently Sanghyuk had only worn one because it looked good. Really good. Really fucking good. Hongbin shook himself again.

When the waiter came to take their order, Hongbin half-expected Sanghyuk to order for him. Alphas had done that in the past, and while Hongbin had let them, he was over that now. He was ready to jump in and correct Sanghyuk, show him that he didn’t get to dominate everything tonight. But to Hongbin’s surprise, when the waiter asked what they’d like, Sanghyuk gestured to Hongbin.

“You can go first,” he offered with a little smile. Hongbin blinked.

“O-oh. Then, um, I’d like tonight’s special,” the beta stammered. The waiter wrote it down, took Sanghyuk’s order, and left. When they were alone again Sanghyuk put his elbows on the table, laced his fingers together, and rested his chin atop them. It was a very cute position, and Hongbin knew he was blushing again.

“So. Did you get some good pictures at the competition?” Sanghyuk asked. Hongbin nodded.

“You’re gonna look great, don’t worry. I’m pretty sure they’re going to put you on the cover.” Sanghyuk tipped his head a little, still smiling.

“I wasn’t worried. Judging by your website, your photography is amazing. I was more curious how you felt about the competition, honestly. Had you ever been to an ice skating performance before?” Hongbin shook his head. He hadn’t, but now that he had he realized why it was so popular. Watching Sanghyuk had been breathtaking.

They talked throughout dinner, the conversation flowing with surprising ease. They shared more interests than Hongbin had expected. It turned out Sanghyuk loved video games too, and even invited Hongbin to play with him sometime. To Hongbin’s surprise, Sanghyuk seemed genuinely interested in what he had to say. The beta had learned to tell the difference between real interest and feigned. The alphas he’d dated in the past had always pretended to be interested, but in the end it was really just part of a game meant to get him in bed.

But Sanghyuk…he was actually listening. He leaned forward when Hongbin talked, he gave responses that were more than just one or two words, and he remembered what the beta had said even when they moved on to another topic. Hongbin hadn’t had such a great first date experience since his last girlfriend, and she’d been a beta. He wasn’t quite sure what to make of it.

When the bill came Sanghyuk insisted on paying, and Hongbin let him. It had been an expensive dinner, and the alpha clearly had more money. Besides, he’d been the one to ask Hongbin out. As they were walking back to the car, Hongbin couldn’t help looking Sanghyuk up and down. He was starting to feel hot, his stomach fluttering in excitement now that they were getting to the part of the date he’d really been looking forward to. When they got in the car, Hongbin turned to Sanghyuk.

“So. Your place or mine?” he asked. Sanghyuk’s eyes widened.

“What?”

“Come on,” Hongbin insisted, nudging him. “We both knew where this date was going.” Sanghyuk just stared, and Hongbin felt his confidence waver. He’d never seen a date hesitate at his offer to sleep with them.

“Are…you sure?” Sanghyuk asked. “I don’t usually do it on the first date…” Hongbin flushed, folding his arms.

“Is that supposed to mean something?” Sanghyuk’s eyes went even wider, and he raised his hands.

“Oh, no, of course not. I wasn’t judging you, I just…I try to avoid it on the first date because I don’t want my partner to feel pressured, you know?” Now it was Hongbin’s turn to stare. There was no way Sanghyuk meant that. He was a wealthy, successful alpha. He had to be used to getting his way. But for all that…he seemed sincere. “If you want to…I mean of course, I’d love to, I just want to make sure you want it too…” Sanghyuk was fumbling, cheeks flushed, and Hongbin couldn’t deny it was kind of endearing. He looked younger right now, unsure, and the fact that Hongbin was the confident one here made him feel a little better. He straightened up.

“Sanghyuk. Do you think I would’ve dressed like this if I didn’t want to get laid tonight?” Hongbin asked, gesturing to his outfit. Sanghyuk blinked, and then he laughed.

“Okay. Then…your place is closer.” The alpha’s voice had dropped. He was clearly shy, but his scent indicated that he was aroused too.

“My place it is, then,” Hongbin replied, letting a little purr slip into his voice. He wasn’t used to being the one in the lead, and he liked it. Besides, Sanghyuk’s arousal scent was getting him hot, and he was starting to feel eager. Sanghyuk drove a little faster than necessary, and Hongbin couldn’t hide his amused smile. He had a feeling he was going to enjoy himself tonight.

When they got to the apartment Hongbin dragged the alpha right to his bedroom. Sanghyuk’s scent was driving him crazy. He hadn’t had sex in months, and Hongbin hadn’t realized how much he wanted it. He pressed Sanghyuk against the wall and kissed him hard. The alpha responded hungrily, tangling his fingers in the beta’s hair. Hongbin pressed their hips together, moaning when he felt how hard they both were already.

They moved to the bed without separating. Hongbin fell back, Sanghyuk on top of him, and kissed him even deeper. Hongbin shifted his hips up, grinding into the alpha, and Sanghyuk moaned. Hongbin shivered—that was a sweet sound, and he wanted to hear it again.

Within moments they were stripping each other of their clothes. Under other circumstances Hongbin thought he might feel a little shy, but he was too turned on to care. Sanghyuk was shy though, if his pink cheeks and his anxious glance at his own body meant anything. Hongbin just gave a little aroused growl and nipped at his bottom lip.

“You’re so hot,” he breathed, and Sanghyuk grinned. They moved so they were lying properly on the bed, Hongbin’s head resting on the pillows. Sanghyuk began to kiss him again, but this time on his neck. Hongbin purred, tipping his head back to give the alpha more access. Oh yes, Sanghyuk was as good at this as the beta had hoped. The kisses moved down his body, slow and surprisingly sweet, before Hongbin felt a wet tongue trace his length. He jumped in surprise, and opened his eyes just in time to see the alpha’s lips wrap around him. Hongbin moaned again, lids fluttering, pleasantly surprised as pleasure zipped through him. An alpha had never gone down on him first. They always expected Hongbin to go down first, and only then would they (sometimes) reciprocate.

Sanghyuk didn’t hesitate, and he didn’t hold back. He was even better at this than he was at kissing, and Hongbin was close in no time. Finally he had to push Sanghyuk off.

“Stop, I’m gonna come,” he panted, and saw Sanghyuk’s proud little smile. Again, rather than seeming arrogant, it was…well, it was cute.

“Where is…?”

“In that drawer,” Hongbin said breathlessly, pointing to his nightstand. Sanghyuk opened the little drawer and withdrew a bottle of lube. Male betas couldn’t make their own slick, but Hongbin had gotten a kind that was supposed to feel and smell as similar to slick as any product could. He’d never been with an omega, so he didn’t know for sure how similar it really was, but hopefully it would be enough to please Sanghyuk.

The alpha popped the bottle open and drenched his fingers. Hongbin licked his lips, twitching with anticipation as he spread his legs. If Sanghyuk’s skills so far were any indication…Hongbin tipped his head back, closing his eyes as the first finger slid in. Sanghyuk was surprisingly gentle. Hongbin had expected him to work quickly, eager to get to the part where he could be pleasured too. But instead the alpha worked slowly, sensual, taking his time to open Hongbin up. He found the beta’s sweet spot and rubbed it slowly, pressing and massaging as he worked a second finger in, and then a third. Eventually Hongbin had to stop him again, or he was going to come early.

When Hongbin opened his eyes he saw Sanghyuk smiling down at him. It was a sweet expression, almost tender, and the beta didn’t know what to make of it. That kind of tender look didn’t belong in a one-night stand, but for some reason, he couldn’t look away.

“Ready?” Sanghyuk whispered. Hongbin nodded. So the alpha slid a hand beneath his thigh, lifting him a little. Hongbin wrapped his legs around the alpha’s waist; his breath caught as Sanghyuk began to slide in. It hurt a little, because Sanghyuk wasn’t exactly a small person and it had been a while since Hongbin had had this kind of sex. But the alpha took it slowly, watching his face, and by the time he was all the way in Hongbin was smiling, tipping his head back to revel in the feeling. It still hurt a little, but wow it felt good too. Hongbin was perfectly happy being top when he had sex with other betas, but he’d always preferred bottom. It had been too long since he’d had this.

Sanghyuk began to move, slowly at first. Normally Hongbin kept his eyes closed during, at least when he barely knew the person, but for some reason he couldn’t take his eyes off of Sanghyuk. His lips parted, a soft moan slipping free as the alpha set up a sensual, steady pace. It didn’t hurt anymore, now it just felt like heaven, and Hongbin wondered why he’d ever considered cancelling this date. He really would’ve missed out.

Hongbin rolled his hips and squeezed, reveling in the moan Sanghyuk gave in response. The alpha thrust a little harder, and then it was Hongbin’s turn to moan. Sanghyuk really was good at this, and even better, he was clearly trying. Hongbin’s past experiences with alpha sex weren’t the best. They weren’t bad, it had still felt good, but the alphas he’d been with had clearly been focused on their own pleasure. They hadn’t even tried to make him come most of the time, considering it over once they themselves had finished. But Sanghyuk was paying attention, moving just so, watching Hongbin’s face and body to see what brought him the most pleasure. It made Hongbin feel warm, cared for in a way he hadn’t felt since his last relationship, and that was years ago. Somewhere in the back of his mind alarm bells were going off, telling him it was too soon to feel that way, that it wasn’t safe to feel that way with an alpha. But he was enjoying himself too much to care. He let himself get lost in the pleasure, in the heady scent of Sanghyuk’s arousal, in his body heat, in the feel of him inside.

Sanghyuk kissed his neck, and Hongbin shivered. The alpha had begun to move faster, but it was still all so sensual, so…gentle. The alpha cupped his cheek and kissed his nose, his lips, his fluttering eyelids. He ran his fingers through Hongbin’s hair and whispered his name, and Hongbin couldn’t hold back another moan. He’d been expecting something dirty and quick tonight, not…not this. But it felt _so_ good…

They were both getting close. Sanghyuk’s hand snaked down, and Hongbin gave a little cry when the alpha started to stroke him. He came in moments, crying out because he hadn’t felt this good in years. Sanghyuk gave a heavy moan, and his hips stuttered. Hongbin felt him come, moaning again at the sensation; it was easy to feel with a knot inside you, and the warm spray tickled his insides in the most erotic way possible. He would’ve come again if he could.

When he’d finally come down, Hongbin opened his eyes, panting as he looked up at Sanghyuk through heavy lids. The alpha was breathless, lips parted, that same tender look in his eyes. Hongbin’s alarm bells told him to look away. He didn’t. Sanghyuk cupped his cheek, gentle and warm, and leaned down for a kiss. Hongbin gave it to him, feeling warm to the tips of his toes as their lips moved together.

Finally Sanghyuk pulled out, and flopped down beside him in bed.

“Wow,” the alpha murmured, still a little breathless.

“Wow,” Hongbin agreed. Sanghyuk looked at him, that sweet happy smile on his face, and Hongbin couldn’t help but smile back. The alpha slid an arm around him, and even though Hongbin wasn’t usually one for cuddling, he let it happen. He even scooted closer to press his bare skin to Sanghyuk’s.

“You know…I was too eager to think about it, but we really should’ve used a condom,” Hongbin murmured after a few moments.

“I thought about that too, but I didn’t see any in your drawer,” Sanghyuk admitted.

“That’s cause I don’t have any,” Hongbin mumbled, pausing to yawn. “I was too horny to stop us to go get some.” Sanghyuk stroked a hand down his side.

“I would call you irresponsible, but I’m just as guilty. So…got any STDs?” Hongbin chuckled.

“Nope. You?”

“Nope.”

“Well then. Looks like we got lucky,” Hongbin murmured. Sanghyuk nuzzled him.

“Very lucky.” Hongbin’s heart fluttered at that. But despite his better judgement, he leaned into Sanghyuk even more. They lay in sleepy, comfortable silence for several minutes. Hongbin was about to drift off when a thought occurred to him. He wasn’t sure if he’d be seeing Sanghyuk again after tonight, so he figured he might as well ask the question now.

“By the way, I was wondering…”

“Hm?”

“Who was that skater you mentioned at the competition? The one you said was the best?”

“Oh.” Sanghyuk sounded sad, and Hongbin kicked himself. They’d been having a great night, he should’ve let it be. But oh well—too late now. “He was an old friend. I haven’t seen him since we were kids.”

“Then how do you know he was the best?”

“Because he was,” Sanghyuk said with a shrug. “He was a prodigy. I looked up to him so much. He would’ve been the best in the world, I have no doubt.”

“Wow. What happened to him then?” Sanghyuk was quiet for a moment.

“He presented as an omega,” he whispered at last. Hongbin’s breath caught.

“Oh.” He’d expected to hear that the boy had been injured or something, not…not that. “That’s…really sad.”

“Yeah,” Sanghyuk agreed, hugging him a little tighter. “It is.”

 

 

The next morning, Hongbin awoke surprised to see that Sanghyuk was still asleep beside him. He would’ve thought the alpha would’ve wanted to slip out early, but there he was. He still had an arm around Hongbin. The beta wanted to get up to use the bathroom, but that would mean disturbing Sanghyuk…Hongbin decided to wait. The alpha looked cute when he slept.

When Sanghyuk woke up he greeted Hongbin with a sleepy smile and a warm little kiss. Hongbin decided he liked that, so he went back for another, and things got heated quickly. This time Hongbin moaned Sanghyuk’s name when he came, because he just couldn’t help it. He’d never felt this good, and he wanted to scream out who’d given him so much pleasure. Sanghyuk seemed to appreciate it, if the way he came immediately after meant anything.

They showered together, and ended up giving each other blowjobs under the hot spray because they just couldn’t seem to satiate how horny they were making each other. Hongbin went second, and when he stood, wiping his mouth with a proud little smile because Sanghyuk’s moan was still ringing in his ears, the alpha pulled him into a hug.

“You’re amazing,” Sanghyuk breathed, holding him tight. Hongbin just stood there for a moment, not sure what to do, before slowly returning the hug. He knew this was all too fast, too intimate. They’d had their first date yesterday! And Sanghyuk was an alpha, Hongbin had promised himself no more alphas…but the arms around him felt too good to pull away.

Sanghyuk offered to make him breakfast. Hongbin tried to refuse, because it was his apartment and wouldn’t that make him a bad host? But Sanghyuk insisted, and eventually Hongbin gave in because he’d never had an alpha make him breakfast before, and he was curious to see if Sanghyuk was any good.

The alpha made pancakes, and since all he had to do was mix the box mix and water together, it didn’t really tell Hongbin anything about his cooking skills. But he still appreciated it, and told Sanghyuk so. The alpha smiled that proud little smile yet again, and Hongbin almost cooed at how cute it was.

They ended up spending the day together, and probably would’ve spent another night if Hongbin didn’t have work early in the morning. When Sanghyuk left the beta kissed him goodbye. Sanghyuk asked if he would like to go on another date, and Hongbin said yes.

That night he lay on his side, Sanghyuk’s scent filling his nose. He hadn’t been able to bring himself to wash his sheets yet, because the alpha’s smell was too nice.

 _What am I doing?_ Hongbin had been so sure of his convictions, so sure that he would never let himself fall again, and certainly not for an alpha. But here he was, after one date, sniffing his sheets to remember Sanghyuk’s scent and already looking forward to seeing him again. It was stupid, he was being stupid. He was acting like a lovesick teenager. It wasn’t right to be this attached to someone after a first date. Saturday was supposed to be a one night stand. Sanghyuk was supposed to be gone in the morning. Instead they’d spent the whole day together, and Hongbin had been sad to see him leave.

Hongbin rolled over, pressed his pillow to his face, and screamed. He’d fucked up. He was in too deep already, and he knew it. So much for his vows to himself. So much for not being second best. Sanghyuk wouldn’t stick around forever. He seemed sweet enough, but he was a soon-to-be-famous alpha athlete. He’d have his pick of any beautiful omega he wanted, and Hongbin just couldn’t compete. He was attractive, sure, but ultimately he was a beta. He didn’t smell the way alphas loved, he didn’t go through heats, he couldn’t make his own slick…he couldn’t invoke that pure desire in Sanghyuk that an omega could. He couldn’t be the ideal mate.

Hongbin knew he shouldn’t let himself get attached. But it was already too late.

 

Over the next few months, Hongbin saw Sanghyuk a lot. They spent every weekend together, day and night, at his place and Sanghyuk’s. They went to internet cafes and played video games together, they played Overwatch online with each other on weeknights. They went to restaurants and movies, theme parks and shopping…they did everything a real couple would do. One day Hongbin was walking down the street with Sanghyuk, hand-in-hand, when they passed another couple holding hands. Hongbin realized for the first time then that he didn’t feel any resentment towards them. He didn’t resent them because now, he was one of them. For one moment, that thought filled him with joy. But then came the dread, because he just knew it wouldn’t last.

Three months after they’d begun to see each other (Hongbin was still wary about calling it dating) Sanghyuk asked him on a date at the park. It was winter now, and the park was beautiful, filled with freshly fallen snow sparkling in the evening light. They walked hand-in-hand through the trees, their breath making clouds in front of them. Sanghyuk was enjoying the park, but Hongbin knew him well enough by now to tell that he was nervous.

“Is something wrong?” he asked. Sanghyuk looked startled by the question.

“What? Oh, no. I’m fine,” the alpha promised. Hongbin raised an eyebrow. That was the least convincing lie he’d ever heard. Sanghyuk sighed. “Okay. Actually, there’s something I wanted to talk to you about…” Hongbin’s heart sank, and his hands started to shake. He’d known Sanghyuk would dump him eventually, but he hadn’t thought it would come this soon. He wasn’t ready.

Sanghyuk took him to a deserted little area with a fountain and a few benches. The fountain wasn’t running, since the water would just freeze, but it still looked beautiful dusted with snow. Hongbin wished Sanghyuk would’ve taken him somewhere ugly to do this instead.

Sanghyuk sat on a bench, still holding Hongbin’s hand. To the beta’s surprise, the alpha took his other hand too, holding both and looking at him intently.

“Hongbin. I know we haven’t been seeing each other that long, so this might seem a little soon…”

 _Any time would be too soon,_ Hongbin thought. He never would’ve been ready to break up with Sanghyuk.

“But I think it’s the right time to say this, because I just can’t keep it in anymore,” Sanghyuk continued. He dropped his gaze for a moment, cheeks pink with both the cold and shyness, before raising his eyes again. “I love you.” Hongbin’s jaw dropped.

“W…What?” Sanghyuk smiled a little, unsure but hopeful.

“I love you. I know we’ve never really talked about our relationship, or if we’re even dating, but…if you feel the same way, I’d like to make it official. Will you be my boyfriend?” Hongbin just stared.

“I…can’t,” he said at last. Sanghyuk’s face fell, and Hongbin swore he could hear the alpha’s heart break. He withdrew his hands quickly and dropped his gaze.

“Oh. I-I’m sorry, I didn’t mean…I just thought you…” Sanghyuk was fumbling, and Hongbin could already see the tears welling in his eyes.

“It’s not because I don’t like you,” Hongbin said quickly. Sanghyuk looked up, hurt and confused.

“What?”

“Sanghyuk…come on.” Hongbin’s voice wavered, and now his eyes were stinging too. “You know this isn’t going to last.”

“Why not?” The alpha sounded a little desperate.

“Look, I really like you. I really, _really_ like you, and that’s why I don’t want to drag this out. You may think you love me now, but you won’t want to stay forever. We both know that, don’t we?” Sanghyuk’s eyes widened.

“No, I don’t know that! What are you talking about?”

“I’m saying I’m not what you want!” Hongbin said, his voice cracking. “I know I’m not, at least not in the long run.”

“Hongbin, I just said I love you!” Sanghyuk insisted. “Why would you think you’re not what I want?”

“Because I’m not an omega!” Hongbin said at last, the words seeming to explode from deep in his chest. Sanghyuk’s eyes widened further, and he blinked.

“So?” he asked. Hongbin gaped.

“ _So?_ So I can’t measure up! I don’t smell like flowers sent from heaven, I don’t have perfect skin and the silkiest hair, I don’t have a soft, pretty voice, I don’t go through heats, I’m not small and demure and cute, I’m not…I’m not what alphas like, okay? Sure, you like me now, but as soon as you meet the right omega you’re gonna bail. I know it, you know it…why are we playing pretend?” Sanghyuk frowned, his eyes narrowed, and when he spoke his voice was very soft.

“I’m not playing pretend. Are you?” Hongbin’s lips parted in surprise.

“…What?”

“I’m not playing pretend, Hongbin,” Sanghyuk said, moving closer to him. “All those things you just described, they’re physical. They’re all just physical traits. Yes, I’m an alpha, and yes, I find omegas beautiful—who doesn’t? They’re made that way. But you know what? I find you beautiful too. You’re the most beautiful person I’ve ever met. I love your scent, and your face, and your voice. I love your smile, I love the way you make me laugh, I love who you are. I don’t care what you are. I don’t care if you’re a beta or an omega, I wouldn’t care if you were an alpha. I love _you.”_

Hongbin just stared, trying to process the words. From anyone else, Hongbin wouldn’t believe them. But this was Sanghyuk, his Hyukie, his…his love. Hongbin loved Sanghyuk too, he had for weeks, maybe even from their first date. He’d known it, he just hadn’t wanted to admit it.

Sanghyuk seemed so sincere, so earnest…and Hongbin loved him. How could he not believe someone he loved so much?

“You really mean that?” he whispered. Sanghyuk took his hands again, holding his gaze.

“I mean it. I love you, Hongbin. Being with you makes me the happiest I’ve ever been, and I’m not going to give that up because you’re a beta. If we ever break up, it won’t be because I left you for an omega. I promise. I want to be with you for as long as you’ll have me.” Hongbin stared at him a moment longer. Then he began to laugh, a shaky, watery laugh that sent tears spilling down his cheeks.

“Wow. I was an idiot, huh?” he said at last. Sanghyuk smiled gently, cupping his cheek and wiping a tear with his thumb.

“No more than me. I should’ve realized how you were feeling.” Hongbin shook his head.

“It’s not your fault,” he murmured, wiping his cheeks. “You know, it’s kind of funny. I never wanted to be an omega. I mean, their lives are shit, and I’ve always felt bad for them…but when I met you, I kind of wanted to be one. I thought it might be worth it.” Sanghyuk leaned in, and gently kissed his forehead.

“You don’t have to be anything but you,” he whispered. He touched his forehead to Hongbin’s, and the beta smiled.

“Then yes.”

“What?”

“Yes, I’ll be your boyfriend. I love you too.” Sanghyuk leaned back, the most beautiful smile lighting up his whole face. Hongbin had never seen him so happy; he wasn’t sure if he’d ever seen himself so happy either. He hugged Sanghyuk tight, the two of them laughing and crying and kissing. Hongbin was glad he’d broken his vow. For the first time in his life, he knew…this was real.


End file.
